Movie Date: December 17, 1976

Introducing our next District Attorney! Friends, I wanna talk about politics Now let me make this perfectly clear I'm gonna throw out all those Shabby old tricks for this election year I'm the one who'll set you straight Let the past be water through the gate An up-and-comin' grassroots candidate And I'm runnin' for the shaggy D.A. Now you all know we got problems here And I wanna be the one to say Not one of them's just gonna disappear Come next election day Unless you help me enforce our laws Kiss those babies, shake those paws I'm the shaggiest candidate You ever saw And I'm runnin' for the shaggy D.A. So let's all stand together Put our hometown on the mend Buddy, can't you see here's a chance To be man's best friend He's just who we need Let's help him lead the way So come on and elect him Our shaggy D.A. Let's talk about The candidate's attributes I'm a gentleman through and through Nothin' 'bout myself slick or cute My interests lie with you I'm a politician that you can trust Let's sweep out City Hall's old dust If you want clean government I'm a must I'm runnin' for the shaggy D.A. Now I don't wanna get long-winded here I've just about had my say Every one of you's gonna get a chance At the polls on election day I'll leave you with this final word Considerin' knowledge you've incurred Countin' on your vote now you've heard I'm runnin' for the shaggy D.A. So let's all stand together Put our hometown on the mend Buddy, can't you see here's a chance To be man's best friend He's just who we need Let's help him lead the way So come on and elect him our shaggy We gotta elect him our shaggy Come on and elect him Our shaggy D.A. In the corner. - Yeah. - That about it? - Gonna have to be. - Let's go. Avast there. Lay to for awhile, men, and hoist one. Thanks, Captain. Admiral Gordon C. Brenner, retired. Don't make a practice of drinking with dock wallopers, but you've been dry-pulling for six hours now. You've earned it. So, the Daniels are really weighing anchor after all these years. I guess so, yeah. Fine neighbors. Nice people to lay alongside of. Well, I guess it's time to get rollin', Freddie? Yeah. Thanks for the beer, Admiral. I'll escort you out. Batten down the hatches. Prepare to get under way. All stop there. Weigh anchor. Brian, will you shut that thing off before you deafen yourself? What? Shut that thing off! Now what am I supposed to do? Just sit there. We're almost home. Pop, bet you a quarter you don't know how many eyes a fly has. Right, I don't. I'm a lawyer, not an entomologist. - Just guess. - Two. Wrong. They have thousands of six-sided facets, each an eye in itself. You owe me a quarter. Well, thank you for the coat. Thank you for the golf. How long do you think the longest apple peel in the world was? - Brian, please. - Just guess. - Five feet. - Wrong. Pop? How could I know? How could I possibly know? Well, say something, Pop! We've been robbed. Hello, Wilby. Can I use your phone? We've been robbed. Is that so? Well, I hope you'll have smooth sailing on your new job. Robbed? Wiped out. Cleaned. Didn't you see anybody? - Well, just the movers. - This is Wilby Daniels... Daniels. My house has been robbed. I'm working one call now; There's two on hold. Can you call back when we're not so busy? Call back? My house has been robbed! Don't act like the sky's fallen in on you. Those things happen. Hold the line. Movers, They seemed like nice fellas. I even gave 'em a beer. Medfield's being ripped off. You know why? When a thief is caught, he's back on the street the next day doing business as usual. Know whose doorstep I lay that at? Honest John Slade, our district attorney. If I were D.A., I would prosecute every indicted criminal to the fullest extent of the law, and get convictions! And I will now come down off my soapbox. No, don't. Why don't you run for D.A.? No, I'm serious, Wilby. Good idea. If it weren't for my practice, I just might. Your partner can run it, I'll manage your campaign. - You'd be my campaign manager? - Well, sure. My talents are not just limited to eggs over easy. Yeah, and I'll paste your face all over town, Dad. And I'll be your fund-raising chairman. You can't fight a campaign without money. And I'll start the ball rolling right now with a quarter. Whoa. Now, I appreciate your good intentions and your generosity, but let's get serious and see what they left, OK? - They left one of my gym socks. - Yeah. Well, if you would rather curse the darkness than light a candle, of course that's up to you. They hit us again. They've stripped us right down to the bone. Belay that! Wilby, what on earth has happened? This is Wilby Daniels, 152 Hadley Drive. My house has been robbed again. Wilby Daniels. I have an account there. D-a-n-i-e-l-s. Remember that name. It's the name of your next D.A. Go get 'em, Pop. Win with Wilby. That campaign contribution will be gratefully accepted, Admiral. Damn the torpedoes. Full speed ahead. Those dock pirates got me too. I've been robbed. Good afternoon, madam. I'm Wilby Daniels. I'd like to solicit your vote for D.A. Daniels for D.A. Thank you very much. Hello. I'd like to solicit your vote for D. A... Daniels for D.A. Could I interest you in one of these? Vote for Daniels. Hi, honey. Here are some more handouts. - How's it goin'? - My name is Wilby Daniels. My hand is sore and my smile is permanent-pressed. - I think we've met before. - Madam, Daniels for D.A. Good. Keep it charming and sincere. That technique won me. - I remember. What's this? - That's a symbol. It's a new broom. It means you're gonna sweep the town clean. There's a good customer. Don't forget to kiss the baby. That's a good vote-getter. Nothing over 16. That's a good smack-in-the-head getter. Good afternoon. My name is Wilby Daniels. I'm running for D.A. I hope I can count on your support. My, that's a... ...a beautiful child. Hello. You see, Joey likes you. Let go, honey. No. Look what you've done to this nice man's suit. - I'm so sorry. - That's all right. Lovely child. This way, Mr. Daniels. "Local attorney promises to clean up city if elected." He might do well to start with himself. What about his charges that you're derelict in prosecuting criminals? Typical sensationalism designed to grab space in the media. I realize that you ladies and gentlemen are much too smart to fall for that. There are refreshments in the next room. That's all the questions Mr. Slade has time for right now. Thank you, Mr. Slade. Yeah, Eddie? I've got it in front of me. It's nothin' to worry about. I just don't like these enthusiastic amateurs. Will you believe me? He's gonna fade. He's a lightweight. I hope you're right. Haven't I always been so far? You take care of everything over there, I'll take care of this end, OK? We come now to our always popular Borgia exhibit. You remember that the Borgias dealt in a most uncompromising way with their enemies, frequently lacing their wine with poison, as we see here in this charming little dinner party. On occasion, they resorted to even more drastic methods of dispatching a victim. This painting illustrates a legend that Lucrezia Borgia once transformed an unfaithful suitor into a dog. Excuse me, sir, but what's this ring with what looks like a bug or somethin' on it? That's a scarab. The ancient Egyptians employed it often as a talisman. You'll notice in the painting, Lucrezia's wearing the same ring. According to the legend, her powers of transmutation stemmed directly from it. This may or may not be, but the museum has seen fit to put further safeguards on it. The last curator of the museum, Dr. Plumcott told me of an incident you'd find hard to accept since it defies scientific explanation. Is this valuable? It'd be impossible to estimate its value. The ring is priceless. We'd best be moving along if we're to finish the tour before closing. - It's a piece of junk. - Junk? What do you mean, junk? The curator at the museum said this was priceless. And priceless is a lot of loot. This dame, Lucy "Borgeria," used to doll up with this garbage. - Borgia. - Her too. This was one of her prized possessions. She wore this only on state occasions. Who am I gonna sell it to? Another museum? Diamond rings, emerald rings, those things I can move. - Make us an offer, Mr. Roschak. - A grand. Yeah. Get outta here. Anything. We gotta make a livin', like the next guy. I told you, there is no market for beetle rings. Get lost. Boy. Gingerbread Rocky Road slush. Kumquat Bavarian chocolate with lime mint and, Don't tell me. Pine-scented gooseberry. That's only 43. You sure? I was counting. What'd I leave out? Don't tell me. I know. Boy. Let's see now. Avocado surprise. Well, what'll it be? Vanilla. Vanilla. I run through 44 flavors, you come up with vanilla. What an imagination. You want any marshmallow on that? Chocolate sprinkles? Any gum balls or anything in it? Just the vanilla. Vanilla. Here you go. 15 cents. Pennies. Swell. My dad's gonna be on TV tonight. Don't forget to vote for him. Swell. You know what a dime looks like? Little silver thing you can carry around. If I have to run through 44 flavors for that kid again, I'll go banana nut. How do you like that? Only gave me 14. Let him go. - Where do these go? - Back in the truck. It needs to have that barren look, showing the ravages of crime. Could have some impact. His wife is also his campaign manager, so try to keep the lid on her. Campaign manager? She's more like Sarah Bernhardt in "Housekeeping Can be Fun". Wait a minute. What is that? That's Daniels' kid. Try to work him in. We'd like to show the family. Yeah? - My husband's always been civic-minded. - That's true. But when I pointed out the challenges that lay ahead, he... - Hi. - Hi, darling. You're acting like Sarah Bernhardt starring in "Housekeeping Can Be Fun". We do not eat junk foods in this house between meals. - Since when? - Since we're gonna be on TV. Which tie do you like? The navy blue or the navy blue? - The navy blue. - Thank you. You're not going to wear that shirt on the show. Brian, change your shirt. - Change your shirt. - Prescott Museum robbery. The exact value of the ring has not been determined. You could use that in your... was one of the museum's most valuable pieces. If I get cauliflower ear, it's gonna be your fault. Wilby, what's wrong? That could be the Borgia ring they stole. The Borgia ring? It's the one that... - Brian, why aren't you in school? - It's summer vacation. Go straighten your room up, OK? I straightened it up last month. Then change your shirt like Mom... Because I said so. Rejections will make me grow up to be inhibited and a non-achiever, and it'll be his fault. - Just say it. - I'm not sure you'd understand. - I'll understand. - I'm really not so sure... You'd understand. When I was a teenager, I... accidentally took an old ring from the Prescott Museum. There was a strange Latin inscription on it. Like what? I'd rather not say. Anyway, when I found the ring at home, I... I read the inscription a couple times... And? And I turned into a dog. Wilby. There was a big shaggy dog next door, and I became that dog. Wilby, are you sure you're feeling all right? I knew I shouldn't have told you. I'm glad you did because sometimes, we let little things nag at us when it's nothing. Do you realize if someone reads that inscription I could turn into a dog? I love that tie on you. It just brings out the color in your eyes. Did you hear what I said? Yes, I did. We're just going to pretend that you never said it. Excuse me, sir. Me? Forgive me, but might I have a moment of your time? Allow me to introduce myself. Dr. Sturdivant, on sabbatical from the Sorbonne. I'm Tim, the ice cream man from Dolly Dixon's. I seem to have overextended myself in my travels and I find that I'm temporarily financially embarrassed. - If you know what I mean. - No. Therefore, I am forced to part with this family heirloom at a fraction of its real value. It's a ring. Very discerning of you, sir. It's also a princely relic of antiquity. Yeah? Is it? Gee, I wonder if Katrinka'd like that. Katrinka? Katrinka Muggelberg. She's in pies down at Dolly's. This is her right here. She's captain of the Southside Steamrollers. Cute little thing, isn't she? Isn't she, though? I'm sure a lady like her would be simply enchanted by that ring. - You think so? - In fact... her gratitude would be unbounded. Unbounded? Yeah. Gee, how much you want for that thing? Well, circumstances force me to sacrifice it for $500. $500... dollars. Dollars? Yes. Well, I was lookin' for a blue one. $500. Would you spring for five bucks, mac? Five bucks? It does have a little blue in it, doesn't it? Say, you take pennies? Now, you just be yourself there, Mr. Daniels. I'll ask your wife a few questions, then we'll bring the cameras into the den. - Sort of surprise you at work. - All right, places. Five, four... three, two, one. You're on the air. Welcome to "Meet Your Candidate". This morning we're going to meet Wilby Daniels and his family. Mr. Daniels is the man who many people feel, is undertaking the impossible task of trying to unseat long-established D.A. John Slade. My name is Wilby Daniels, and I'd like to take this opportunity to... - Brian, don't stare at me, all right? - I wasn't staring. Hello. I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce myself. My name is... But the name John Slade is familiar in this town. It may be difficult for the man at the polls to switch from long-established voting habits to put an unknown man in this responsible office. Here's Mrs. Daniels now. - How do you do, Mrs. Daniels? - How do you do? We understand you're Mr. Daniels' campaign manager. I felt it incumbent upon myself, as a wife and as a woman, to place my shoulder to the wheel alongside my husband, and I urged him to pick up the gauntlet that lay before him. And I assured him that as his wife and his counselor, I would be by his side down the long, dark corridor that lay ahead. What do you do when you're not running his campaign? I love to paint and I read. I, I find the Lake poets very, scintillating. I wonder what that guy meant. "Her gratitude will be unbounded." Pretty sharp, Hey, look. There's some writing on the back. "In canis corpore transmuto." Wonder what that means? I'll tell Katrinka it's "I love you" in Swahili. She won't know. Fellow citizens, for many years now... You're getting a little gray, Dad. Fellow citizens... No! You look just like Elwood. I am Elwood. Elwood? Elwood? And now I'd like you to meet... Stay, Pop. Brian, where's your father? He had to go. - Go get Daniels. - Yes, sir. Well, we'll meet Mr. Daniels later. This, I presume, is your son Brian and the family dog. Mrs. Daniels? What's the dog's name? - Bowser. - Elwood. How's that? - Elwood. - Bowser. He'll answer to almost anything. Won't you, old boy? Does your dog do any tricks? Well, I guess so. Sure. No. Who said "no"? We're picking up a ghost somewhere. Seems to be several opinions here. Does he or doesn't he do tricks? No tricks. - There it is again. - Come on boy, speak. Speak, boy. Come on, boy, speak. Come on. Speak. - Speak, boy. Come on. - Woof. Woof? Woof? This has gotta be costing Daniels votes. Loni, get Daniels or we'll have to leave the air. Elwood! Elwood. Hey, Elwood. Hey! Elwood! That's not your house. I gotta get outta here. Elwood! Hey, watch out! I've had enough of this. Elwood! I'm sorry, Admiral. I was just chasing Elwood. Why don't you stop by the truck, I'll get you a free rum baba. Elwood! Out of my flowers, you molting rug. That goes for you too. Hold it, Elwood. Just leaving port, Admiral. If I catch you in my flowers again, I'll put you both in dry dock for a month. Get in there, Elwood. I don't know what's gotten into you. You really made the admiral mad. You know you ruined his flowers. You're lucky I don't spank you. Stop this truck. Let me out of here or I'm gonna deck ya. After all I've done for you, is that any way to talk? You got a lot of nerve talkin' to me like... Elwood, how'd you learn to talk? I started out with "ga-ga," and worked my way up to "din-din." He can talk. Do that again. Say "ga-ga." "Ga-ga." Say "din-din." "Din-din." - What's the use? - I don't believe this. Wait. If you can talk like that, we can get into show business. We can make a fortune. We can get on TV, too. You can have your own talk show. "Here's Elwood!" We can make millions. Of course, I want to be fair about this, so I figure I'll give you 10%. What do you think? Elwood. Hey, Elwood, wait a minute. I'll tell you what. I'll give you 20%. You can have steak every night. Wait a minute. Elwood! Elwood! Elwood! Sorry, ma'am. Elwood! Elwood? You hear me? Elwood! No. Stay, boy. Nice dog. Nice doggy. Watch out. Now, wait a minute. That smarts. Don't do that. Nice dog. You can have your house back now. Nice doggie. Just relax now. I'm sure he'll be here any minute. Can you run a commercial? We ran eight commercials, two standbys and a test pattern. There's Pop now. Places, everybody. - Cameras on the door here. - On the door. Faster, Pop. Hi, there. My name is Wilby Daniels and if I'm elected your D.A., I promise to bring order out of chaos. And I further promise that if elected, I will call for an immediate grand jury investigation into links between a known felon, Eddie Roschak, and the incumbent District Attorney, John Slade. There's been a dramatic increase in the crime rate. My first... I know what you're gonna say, Eddie, and I keep tellin' you, you got absolutely nothing to worry about. You say! He's coming on awful strong. - He's naming names. I don't like it. - Talk's cheap. He can make charges all day but he's gotta prove 'em. If he gets elected, we are in trouble. - Both of us. - He's not gonna get elected, Eddie. Take my word. You know, maybe Daniels could use a little mud on him, just as a precaution. Mud? On Daniels? Sure. Everybody's got a skeleton in their closet. Everybody. Get something on him. Something that'll chop him off right at the knees. I don't want you runnin' away again. We got too much at stake here. Let's start your career by going to Harry's Bar and getting some change. Are you still mad over the percentage split? I'll make it 50-50. This better be a good show. - What do you say, Harry, old buddy? - No dogs. Just a minute, Harry. This is no dog. Well, what is it? Harry, this happens to be the world's only talking dog. Perhaps you didn't hear me. No dogs. I'm telling you, this dog is as smart as anybody in this place. Out! We're marching to different drums, Harry. Just a minute. Elwood, come on. Folks... I have with me here today Elwood, the talking dog. I got five bucks that says this dog can talk as well as anyone in this room. Do I have any takers? Everybody in here's a chicken? Yeah? Make it 20, buster. Okay, Harry, here you go. You're covered on that. OK, Elwood. Come on, boy, put 'em up. Right up there. Folks, this is Elwood, the talking dog. He will now give his rendition of "Mary Had A Little Lamb." Elwood, take it away. A little louder. I'll just get him started. Mary had a little lamb. Its... Mary... Look Elwood, we got 20 bucks ridin' here, so... could you just come up with it? We, Just tell the folks how you ask for your dinner. Say "din-din." Tell you what, tell Harry "ga-ga." Just tell Harry "ga-ga." Look. Why don't you go down to the dog's bar and see if he can get you to bark? Just a minute now. Tell you what, you move your lips and I'll talk for you. Just watch this. Mary had a little lamb. Its fleece was white as snow. Everywhere that Mary... They're not buyin' it, Elwood. This is serious. That ring is floating around someplace. If somebody reads the inscription, I'm a shaggy dog again. Who knows when that will happen? Maybe when you're taking the oath of office. - That'd be a crack-up. - Very funny. The prospect of my taking an oath of office seems highly unlikely. You can't go through life not knowing when you'll turn into a dog. Right? Right! - We've got to find that ring. - And find it fast. Where do you start looking for a hot ring, Pop? Pawn shops, swap meets, places like that. Admiral, I can't talk to you now. I have some important things to do. You're guest speaker at the Daisies at eight bells. I am here to see that this time you're on time. I'm sorry. I forgot. And I am especially honored to introduce our guest speaker this afternoon, our Daisy of the Day. Because of the special attachment I've had with this gentleman over the last few years. As you're all aware, Mr. Daniels is running for the office of District Attorney, and I know whereof I speak when I tell you that he is a man of the highest moral fiber, a man of unquestioned integrity and a man dedicated to the task that lies before him. Mr. Daniels. Thank you very much. - How's it goin', Elwood? - Hi, Katrinka. We're out of kumquat and guava sherbet, but the rest is here. Fine. Say, Katrinka, I, I have a little something for you. If it's another souvenir pillow from Grand Rapids, forget it. - Actually, it's a ring. - Look, Jim... - It's Tim. - Yeah. Tim. Just 'cause I waved at you once at the roller games... I've been meanin' to tell you, you're the best darn skater that the Steamrollers have. Yeah, I know. But like I say, just 'cause I waved back at you, don't mean it's ring time. It's not a ring, actually. It's just a present, that's all. Here. Just what I always wanted, a bug ring. Where's the cracker jack? What's this writing in here mean? - I'm not sure. - "In canis corpore transmuto." "In canis corpore transmuto." What can you, the voters, do about this deplorable state of affairs? Come election day, vote those people out of office, and bring back respectability to this community. Thank you, Mr. Daniels. Now, the song chairman will lead us in a chorus of "The Daisy Hymn." All right, ladies. - I'm not through yet. - Yes, you are, Elwood. Side by side Symbol of our city's pride We are the Daisies Together we will stand The Daisies are the guardians Of beauty in the land We nurture... Don't panic, ladies. Keep calm. - Where to? - 152 Hadley Drive. Elwood! Elwood. Elwood? Elwood! Elwood! Elwood! Hey, Elwood! Wait. - So, who do you like in the election? - Daniels. I agree, but he ain't got a chance against Slade's machine. Believe me, Daniels can do it. Elwood, come on. Did you think you could fool me with those glasses on? They're my reading glasses! Stop pulling on me. You could seriously injure my windpipe. Will you take me home? I'll take you anywhere, but you gotta promise me something. Anything. Good. 'Cause I'm gonna go down and blow Harry's mind. This is the big one. Look, I got a routine worked out. Here's what I want you to do. You won't clam up like you did last time? I'll keep my end of the deal. You keep yours. I'll go in and set it up real cool-like. - How long'll it take? - Never mind. I told you to work on that routine. How do you expect to get anywhere if you don't rehearse? Another Dean Martin. Down by the old mill stream He sure picked a dumb song. Where I first met you With your eyes... Move on. You never seen a dog sing before? That's singing? Growl! Woof. I'll tell you what, then. Look. Here's 40 bucks that says he can sing "Down By the Old Mill Stream." Words and music. Listen, sherbet-head, you're startin' to steam me. Evidently you've lost your marbles. Now I'm gonna start on your teeth. Elwood! Come on back, Elwood. Attaboy. Hello, Elwood. It's nice to meet you face-to-face. We've been so close these last few days. Look, tell Tim that... guess there's not really anything you can tell Tim, is there? Good luck, old buddy. Go get that singing fur ball. Name is Elwood. It's all set, Elwood. You got your collar off already. Good. Come on, boy. I got him all worked up. I said you were gonna open with "Down By the Old Mill Stream." Here he is. Elwood, the talking dog. I've taken the liberty of telling these folks you will sing for them. Get right up here. Ladies and gentlemen, for his first selection, he'd like to do "Down By the Old Mill Stream." Take it away, Elwood. He's just warming up. Take it away, Elwood. I'll get him started on this one. Down... Down by the old... Down... Is it too high? Down by the old... Down by the old mill stream Everybody. Where I first met you I think it'd be kinda nice if I helped you and this albino footstool to your truck, okay? Let's talk this over. I wanna tell you something. That 40 bucks is comin' out of your first million. Come on. Maybe next time I should wear a disguise. Next time, comb your hair. That would be disguise enough. How much do they want for the brooch? We're not shopping for a brooch. I've gotta find that ring. - Before I turn into a dog again. - All right, I'm sorry. If you turn into a dog again, can we go hunting together? No, we cannot go hunting together. Will you chase Mrs. Metzler's cat? - Brian! - Brian. I don't get much call for tomato licorice. I'm gonna let this one go to you for just a nickel. - Five pennies. - What flavors you got, mister? Boy. Flavors. You got your vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, maple dribble, you got... What are you doin' around here? I'm looking for a ring with a beetle on it. Supposed to be a secret. A ring with a beetle on it? Gee, I gave one like that to my girlfriend the other day. You did? She's not exactly my girlfriend. You see... Pop! You don't have to spread it around. Tattletale. This gentleman unknowingly gave you a ring that belongs to me. That is, I'm not the legal owner, but I need it. Tough. This is a personal matter. It'll have to wait till after work. I'm prepared to offer a reward. Like how much? I get a quarter for cleaning the garage, to give you an idea. A thousand dollars. A thousand dollars? For that ring? $2,000. It doesn't matter. I just have to have that ring back. You just got yourself a ring, buster. Try the other hand. I know I had it when I finished the lemon meringues. And then I... Think. Think $2,000. If I find it, mister, can I have the reward? I don't care who gets the reward. I just have to have that ring back. Let me see. I remember I put the ring on this shelf after I finished the special order. Could've fallen into the mixing vat. What special order? For the hotel. It's already gone out. The hotel. Honey? If I find the ring, could I keep the $2,000? No, this way. Madam! What is going on here? Let me have that pie. Ladies, please. Stop this immediately. Hit my girl with a pie, will ya? Sold for $100. Thanks, kids. Remember, all proceeds go to John Slade's war chest. So let's all give big for Honest John. Right? - What is offered for this gorgeous pie? - It's going very well. - Of course it's going well. - Anyone else? $120. Thank you, sir. $200. Stop! Ladies. Ladies. Hold it. Hold it! - Shut up. - You won't find the ring this way. That's my Pop. You monster. - Look at this. - What? That's the same ring you got in the museum. Yeah. I wonder how it got in this cherry pie? What difference does it make? You sold it once, sell it again. Yeah. - Sorry about the noise out there. - I'll handle it myself. I got $250. I have $260. Any more? Sometimes people forget their position. - Things got a little out of hand. - We were just looking for... - It was not our intention to do this. - Daniels! This time you have gone too far. You are a disgrace to your profession and the entire city. You should be run out of town. Excuse me, sir, but might I have a moment of your time? Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Dr. Sturdivant, on sabbatical from the Sorbonne. Since I find myself temporarily out of funds, I'm forced to part with this family heirloom... at a fraction of its real value. I wonder if you might be interested in this princely relic of antiquity. I'm sure I would be. - Come on. - Okay. I heard on the news you recovered the ring from the Prescott museum. What's it to you? It's personal. I need to talk to someone. The lieutenant'll be out soon, they're identifying it now. - I can't take a chance... - Wait over there. This is the ring, all right. No doubt about it. I'm rather relieved just to get it out of circulation. It's reputed to have rather supernatural powers. You see this inscription. What's it all mean? There goes Pop again. Wilby, no! - Some kind of spell? - Exactly. The Renaissance aristocrats were partial to spells. As good as poison any day. All right, boy. Heel. - You remember Dr. Plumcott? - Yes. Well, he was most interested in this ring. He told me of an incident, some years ago, of a young man who was actually turned into a dog through the strange powers of this ring. You don't really believe that. Not really, but still I'm careful. I don't like to repeat it too often lest I become sensitized and turn into a dog myself. Daniels is a dog, That's right. Sometimes Daniels is a real live dog. And look. This ring does it. Remember his TV show, the one that we couldn't understand? That dog was Daniels. And it happened two other times. At the Daisies, Daniels disappears and that same shaggy dog shows up? The same thing happens today at the police station. Daniels disappears, and there's that same shaggy dog? If you don't believe me, get him over here and see for yourself! Daniels, I want you to drop out of the race. Use any excuse you want. No way, Mr. D.A. I'm in this thing to the finish. I don't make deals. I'll tell you something else, I'm gonna win this election. My first act will be to call a grand jury investigation into your criminal connections in this town. If that's all we have to talk about, our discussion is closed. Is this the ring you were looking for at my pie auction? Yeah, that looks like it. You're sure? It has an inscription. - It says "canis corpore transmuto." - Give me that! "In canis corpore transmuto." Woof. Grrrr. Come in here, please. Raymond, this dog has no license, and is in violation of the leash law. Call the pound. I already did, sir. The truck is waiting outside. Get out of my way. Grab that dog! Excuse me, ma'am. Watch out! Boy. You! Follow that dog. Right, Mr. Slade. Get going. If he gets away, it's back to the complaint desk for you. It's the dog. Thanks, pal. Those idiots at the pound don't know where he is, but I'll tell you this, Chief. That brute is mad and vicious. I'm going to need the help of every squad car to find him. - Could I ask you something, sir? - Yes. Why don't we make a public announcement saying that sometimes Daniels is a dog? - You know who they'd put away? - Who? Us! Slade here. Unit two has located the suspect. He's heading west on Crescent. Close in on him. Surround him. There he is. We've got him. Come on. - What's that noise? - Just a little mix-up. Unit two will take over for us. I have him in view. All units concentrate in the area of Rollerdrome. Where have you been? Elwood? - Can't talk now. - Come here. - Hold it. You got a ticket? - I'm just going to get my dog. You can't get in without a ticket. Right up front. John Slade. Official business. I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. The Steamrollers are on track against the Juggernauts. The referee's whistle indicates a jam. That means we'll see some action, as Katrinka Muggelberg tries to send a teammate crashing through the Juggernaut mob. There they go. Hold it. Out she goes! Whoa, Nellie! Look at her get out of there. Pardon me. I'm looking for a dog here. There's no sign of him on my side. ...Steamrollers sidelined with injuries. Search the dressing rooms. - Hi. - Pardon me, miss. The Steamrollers have fielded a new skater. Don't let him get away. You missed him. Here she comes. Elwood! Whoa! Elwood! Elwood! Hey, Elwood. Let me in there. Elwood. Elwood. Hey, Elwood! Wait a minute. I gotta talk to ya. Why didn't you tell me you could skate? This is a real showstopper. A dog that talks, sings, skates, drives. Drive? Hey, Elwood. - Slow down, or you'll get in trouble. - Trouble? I'm already in big trouble. Start throwing stuff out the back, pies, syrup, ice cream. I can't do that. I have to pay for that stuff. Do as I tell you. I'm havin' a bad week. Look out! - Did we lose 'em? - Lose 'em? We creamed 'em. Elwood! Elwood! You're not going to run away again. Sorry, Tim. I've got a better chance on paw. Elwood! How long did that professor say the spell lasts? - I didn't ask. - I'm not taking any chances. - "In canis corpore transmuto." - I'll do that. - Never mind. I'll do it myself. - Sorry, sir. "In canis corpore transmuto." I'll take that. Slade here. It's Howie, sir. We've got him surrounded in Vista Grove. And about time. Hold him until we get there. Get your own door. I'll take care of this. Start the car. There you are, sir. It's the tranquilizer gun, sir. - You be ready with it. - Yes, sir. Daniels, I'm going to give you one more chance. Withdraw from the race or else. I'm in this race to the end. Well, that's right now. Shoot him down. Well, come on. Hurry up. I think you have to release this first. You numbskull! Can't you do anything right? Very sorry, sir. Quite accidental. Really, it was. He looks like a first-timer. I wonder what he's in for? Vagrancy. What else? The paddy wagon boys slipped him a mickey. Easy, you guys. Curly's coming around. Dummy up on our plan. We don't know him. Hiya, tall, dark and handsome. Welcome to one-way row, pal. "One-way row"? Where is this? Curly, my boy, it's the slammer. I gotta get outta here. You will, sweetheart, in three days. Feet first. Swing low Sweet chariot Comin' for to carry me home It's for him. He goes next. Swing low Sweet chariot Comin' for to carry me home Sing it again, Sam. Your receipt for the bail. Thank you. There we are. Nice talkin' to you. I'm sorry about this, but Elwood was driving. - That's what you'll tell the judge? - I gotta tell him the truth. Let me get this straight. He was driving? - Right. - He smashed up the truck? - Then he jumped over the moon. - Now you're being unreasonable. Would you please stop humming that song? Animal shelter. Hello. This is Mrs. Daniels. I seem to have lost my dog, and I was wondering if, by any chance... Can you describe the animal? He's tall and he has a charming disposition. He's very handsome. And, ...I think he's got warm brown eyes. Sounds more like you're looking for Cary Grant. Give me the breed and color. We'll start from there. I think he's some kind of a sheepdog. And he's white and he's gray. We got a long-haired dog in today, but this one's a real killer. That couldn't be my Wilby. Thank you very much. Don't worry, Mom. Pop can take care of himself. He's in the pound, Mr. Slade. I saw them cart him away. I'm sorry. He'll be a goner in 72 hours. Will you get the governor on the phone. I'm not waiting around any 72 hours. Go on, go on. Yes, Mr. Slade. I'll get the governor right now. Hurry up. We don't have all night. I'm digging. It's rough going down here. Now, we're bustin' outta here. Are you with us or not? I can't do that. I'm running for district attorney. District attorney? That mickey went to his head. All right, you guys. Curly's out. We make the break without him, see? Animal shelter. Who? The governor. This is Howie, sir. Yes, sir. I know the one. Yes, sir. If you say so, sir. Right away. We're never going to make it. Quick, he's comin'. Close it up. Hurry. He'll catch us all. Well, so long, boys. I guess this is it. Come along, boy. Swing low Sweet chariot Poor guy. He didn't last long. Sorry, boy. It's the governor's orders. No, you don't. Sit. Stay. Okay, I'm with you guys. We're breakin' outta here. Come on, gorgeous. Thanks, big boy. - Let's go, brother. - We're never going to make it. - Make it fly, pal. - Don't crowd me. I'm almost through. Mr. Howie, your coffee's gettin' cold. Mr. Howie? What are you doing down there, Mr. Howie? That big dog told me to stay. I'm through. All right, everybody under the wall. Move it, shorty. And I'm sure the big dog is in the kennel where he belongs. There's our getaway truck. Follow me. Everybody in. I'm driving. Hurry up. Move. Animal shelter. - You received the governor's orders. - Yes, sir. And you carried them out. Well, - Did you or didn't you? - We've, We've had a breakout, sir. - A breakout? - Yes, sir. All the dogs drove off in our truck. Well, now, this is more like it, see? It's sure great to be out again. Right, Curly? Yeah, I guess so. What's the matter, sweetheart? You sound down in the chops. There's a ring I need. Yeah? What kind of ring is that? Well, it's very old and has a beetle on it, and my opponent has it, and I've got to get it. I don't care if you have to call out the National Guard. Just find that dog. So long, gang. You got a better chance without me. Thanks. We won't forget what you done for us. Tail up, pal. Say guys, that kid's really got problems. Then we give him a lift, see. After all, he gave us a leg up. Know what I mean? Yeah. Hey, you there! Out of my flowers. Heave to, or I'll fire. That sounded like the admiral's shotgun. Yes, it's the same wooly mammoth, I tell you. Yes, white and shaggy with black markings. What difference does the color make? Brian, open up. Let me in. Look, it's Pop. - Hurry up. Give me a hand. - Darling. - OK. Pull. Watch out. - We were so worried about you. What's happening? Slade's got the ring. Unless I can get it back, he's gonna rub me out. No. There's police. Lots of 'em. There's a van. Looks like the SWAT team. - I gotta get out of here. - What are you gonna do? I don't know how, but I'm gonna nail Slade. That's the way to go. Lassie and Rin Tin Tin wouldn't give up. There's a policeman coming. - I'm on my way. Good-bye, honey. - Good luck. Hurry, Pop. He's here. - Take care of your mother, son. - Okay, Pop. Good evening, ma'am. There's a mad dog in the area. A mad dog? I love dogs, you know. Big dogs, small dogs, medium dogs. Even mad dogs. Sometimes, they're not mad. They're just cranky. But I really love dogs, any kind of dog. I think I love dogs more than people. Elwood! Not a peep out of you. You can have my wallet. There's not much money. Take my credit cards... What are you doin' in the park muggin' people? I am not mugging anybody and I am not Elwood. I may look like him, but I am actually Wilby Daniels. Is that clear? Daniels? Sure. Gotcha. OK, now I'm going to take this from the top. There's this Borgia ring, see. A ring? Yeah, sure. I gotcha, Elwood. - Daniels. - Okay. Not many years ago, when I was still a kid... When you were still a kid. So Slade got hold of the ring, see. Now he's trying to win this race by elimination. My elimination, you understand? - You got any questions? - Questions. A few crossed my mind. Elwood... Mr. Daniels, couldn't we go back to selling ice cream? Later. I have to get Slade and Roschak before they get me. Can you understand? You're gonna help. Right, me. Me? So far, so good. Quit trying to steer. - I'll get off. - You're not going anywhere. - I need you as a witness. - Let me sit on the seat for awhile. Elwood, look, get somebody else to help you. I get up early. I need 8 hours sleep. There is no one else, and no time. - Where are we going, anyway? - Not us, pal. You. You're gonna beard the lion in his den. Me? Wanna watch the ruts? "In canis corpore transmuto." - You Slade? - Yes. Who are you? Don't matter. Listen, I got a message for you from Fast Eddie. He says, "You're off the gravy train." No more gravy. You got it? No more gravy. - Did he buy it? - I don't know. - What? - I don't know. If I got him pegged right, his next stop is Roschak's warehouse. - Good. - We're gonna be there. We are? I think I'm gonna throw up. You wanna put both hands on the wheel? We can get in through that window on the roof. We can? - I'll stay here and keep a lookout. - Come on. Come on. - I'm allergic to height. I can't... - Move it. Here, Pop. It's better if you don't look down. Hey, you're right. It is. - You all right? - I'm all right. You're almost there. Keep coming. Shh. Follow me. - No. Isn't that your kid? - Don't make any noise. Brian, look out. I told you to stay home. Should've sent me to obedience school. What're we doing up here? This is Roschak's theft ring. We gotta prove that Slade's in on it. Excuse me. Now the kid's here, I'll split. - Stay here. Follow me. - Right. Spendin' most of my life on all fours. Be quiet. Shhh. These men are killers. - Isn't that our TV set? - That's it. Bet they got all our other stuff too. - Is our car here, Pop? - Probably sold it days ago. I think we lifted that 'Vette before. Paint it and change the serial number. - Keep your eye out for some Porsches. - We got some spotted. - Good night, Mr. Roschak. - Good night. Hear that? We could bust 'em easy with that. That doesn't prove Slade's involved. But that could. I wonder how these things work? Turn it off! What do you want to do with the tape recorder? Get it in Roschak's office. Tim, you gotta get him away from there. Right. Now, what I'll do... me? - Me? - Right now. Go back. But he's got a knife. He could... Your "shasfras" down there at the "ricktofrasen" is condensing. The what? Your "shasafras" at the "ricktofrasen." Got a big gnarl in the tube. Could back up on ya. Who are you? Me? I'm Roschak's new man down here. I just came on. If you don't "gaffenhausen" that alternator, it's gonna get on the floor. Ever have "creoblustate" on your shoes? Gotta burn 'em. I saw it eat a saddle right out from under a jockey one time. Goes like that. Turns it blue. You wanna come down there, take a look at it? Why don't you leave that knife here? Right down here's that "glutenhauser" I wanted you to look at. You come right there. Don't get too close. I don't want to get "creoblustate" on your shoes. Look in there, give it a little... We got him, Pop! You knocked him out cold in the "freidenglar". "In canis corpore transmuto." I wouldn't say that too often. - Why not? - The professor was always careful. He was afraid he might become sensitized and turn into a dog himself. Rubbish! "In canis corpore transmuto." - What are you doin' here? - Open up. All right. Now Pop's stuck in there. Roschak, I want a word with you. Not very smart to come down here. If you've got some idea of cutting me out, I wanna hear it from you. Not from one of your messenger boys. What are you talkin' about? One of your punks came to my house. He started to lean on me and tell me, and I quote, "You're off the gravy train." John, John, John. Relax. It's business as usual with us. If you didn't tell him, who did? Beats me, but if I find out, I'm gonna scratch him permanently. Could have been that Daniels guy. But he would have to have proof in court, right? - Why am I telling you? You're a lawyer. - Right. I've got a bottle in the other room. Let's have a drink. To another good year. - How'd that dog get in here? - Dog? That's Daniels. Stop him. He's got everything on tape! - That's Daniels? - Shoot him. Take it. Grab one of those cars. I'll draw them off. They're coming. Woof, woof. Woof, woof? After him! Come on. Pop told us to get a car. All right, Daniels. Come on out. Get it over with. You haven't got a chance. I've got the ring. You've got nothing. Hey, this what you lookin' for, pal? That's it. Thanks. You have no idea. Forget it. It's on us, sweetheart. We take care of our own, see. So long, pal. Now hurry. Hey! Get us outta here. Steady. - What was that? - Daniels, you ninny! After him! - You got the tape recorder? - Got the ring? It's going to be put away where nobody will get a hold of it again. - Faster. - There's a red light coming up. I don't care what's coming up. Just keep on going. Tell them who I am. Say it's official business. Can I see your driver's license, sir? Officer, District Attorney John Slade is back there. We're on official business. He is? Blah. Well, what are you starin' at? Hang onto that. Don't let anybody touch it till the grand jury hears it. Mom, we're home, and dad's not a dog anymore. Three loaves of rye bread, cold cuts, the dip, a cherry pie, some paper plates and cups, napkins. - Hi. - How ya doin', partner? Hi, Elwood. Mr. District Attorney. We're shopping for our announcement party. - Well, we'll be there. - And take good care of my buddies. - Anything they want. - Bye. Okay. Guess you better make that Come on.

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