Movie Date: June 27, 1979
Wagon comin'! Sound fire alarm! Open the gates! [Men Shouting] Fire alarm! Fire alarm! [Man] On the double! Move it! [Man] Move it, soldiers! Fire, fire! It's Shoshone again, sir. - And our wagon. - Yes, sir. Private Higgins and Corporal Albright took it to the supply depot last week. This belonged to Corporal Albright. Must have hit them coming out of Sam Young Canyon. Stripped it and put the torch to it. - Take care of the mounts, Corporal. - Yes, sir. Lieutenant Ravencroft, in the last three months, the army has lost... over 40 cases of Springfield carbines. Twice that amount of army issue handguns, saddles, blankets and rations. Enough to supply two forts this size. And all those thefts occurred in territory under the protection of this fort. I realize that, sir. I want you to mount another patrol, Lieutenant. Take as many men as you need, the best scouts we have... and find out what happened to those supplies! - Yes, sir. - Jim... I'm running out of explanations to Washington. If these raids don't stop... it could mean... my command here. I understand, sir. I'll leave immediately. Boy, I sure miss Dusty, Donovan, and the kids... and that old dinner bell ringing on the farm. Now don't start again, Amos. Is that how you want to go down in the history books? "After terrorizing the West, they ended up as farmers... milkin' cows and collectin' eggs." - Is that what you want? - Well, no, not exactly, but... boy, Dusty sure could make those biscuits and honey. You just stick with me. I tell ya, Amos, people are gettin' rich in these boom towns... and there's no reason why a couple of smart hombres like us... - can't double or even triple our stake overnight. - Double? We got $300.43 now. If we double that tonight, then we triple that tomorrow night, that'd be, uh... - that'd be... carry the one... - Kind of gets you to thinkin', don't it? - Six... no, four... three... - First thing we gotta do is get ourselves spiffied up. - Then we'll take this town like Grant took Richmond. - That's right. I get ya now. How do you think we go about... Howdy. Say, um, how do you figure going about that? Well, uh, I'm still workin' on the particulars. I'll tell you one thing: We ain't gonna dry gulch no one no more. Yeah, and you ain't gonna get us mixed up in none of those bank robberies. - Shh. - Shh. You want every punk gunslinger this side of the Rio Grande callin' us out? You mean, make a rep for himself, Theodore? Don't even use our real names. We don't want no trouble with the law neither. We're goin' straight from now on, Pard. We're gonna live by our wits. Wits? Whoa. Whoa, now. - Miss Gaskill? - Yes. Yes, ma'am, I'm Private Reid. I was assigned to escort you. Were all the officers busy? Well, you see, there've been some problems at the fort, ma'am... and I guess they were needed for more important duties. It's a bit warmer than I expected. I'd best get some lighter clothing before we leave. You can take care of this in the meantime... and get my things from the stage. [Braying] Well, what do you think, Clarise? Huh? Yeah? What's the matter? Don't you recognize me? It's me. - [Braying Continues] - Oh, that. Uh, here. Take a whiff. That's Eau deJasmine. Direct from "Paree". You wanna stop talkin' to that donkey? - It's embarrassing. - Yeah, oh. Say, uh, Theodore... uh, Pard... I was wonderin', before we take this town, I wonder if we could have our picture took? Might not be a bad idea. Might look good in the history books. - Come on. - [Donkey Braying] Can't talk to you anymore. It's embarrassing. [Photographer] There. Does this have to be this tight? Well, the purpose of a brace is so that you'll stay absolutely still. I thought I was gonna be crouched down, like I'm gettin' the drop on somebody. - Will you just listen to the man, Amos? - And stay still. Stay absolutely still. [People Chattering] [Braying] What was that? - Just take the picture. - All right, now both of you take a deep breath... - [Inhaling] - And hold it. One, two... [Braying] - Whoa! - Don't let him near my equipment! Amos, stop her! Oh, my beautiful things! Get me out of this! Get me out of this! You're going to pay for it. I'll make you pay for it. - You're making a shambles of my studio! - Right. Gotta pay for this. You're going to pay for every cent of this, or I'll have the law on you. Oh, dear. And bring back my headrests. Theyjust came from St. Louis. We only been in this town three hours... and already we got $70 less than we come here with... thanks to you and that dumb donkey of yours. Yeah, don't worry. I got her tied up in some alley. She won't give us no more trouble. Well, why didn't you just stop her before she busted up the whole place? Because the guy taking the picture said, "Take a deep breath and hold it." - Now how am I supposed to... - Did you have to tell the man we're the Apple Dumpling Gang? - Apple Dumpling Gang! - Well, you're the one who said not to use our real names. All right. From now on, just let me do all the talking, okay? Then we won't get in these messes. - Right. Okay, Theodore, uh, Pard. - [Glass Breaking] [All Shouting] [Belches] Why, you rotten... Why, you filthy little... [Grunts] I don't tolerate hooligans and rowdies. And any cowboy... who tries to hooraw this town... will not live to regret it. [Giggling] Ladies. [Boy] Marshal Hitchcock, sir? He's so handsome! [Murmuring, Giggling] - Who is that? - Who's that? Only Woolly Bill Hitchcock, the fastest-shootin', toughest marshal in the country. You cross horns with him, he'll track you to your grave. What do you think? Oh, we got nothin' to worry about. We're law-abidin' citizens now. Matter of fact, first thing we're gonna do is open a bank account. Now, is that different than openin' a safe? - Come on. - Probably. Well, looks solid enough. Couple of pilgrims out front. - Well, take what we got and let's get out of here. - In a minute. I never made money so fast in my life. They're comin' in. All right, don't get walleyed. You'll smoke out Woolly Bill. Close the door. Come on! [Man] Help you gentlemen? Yes. We'd like to make one of them, uh... deposits. How much you want to donate... deposit? The whole kit and caboodle: $230. - That much, huh? - And, uh... we want a "recipe" for that. You're nobody's fool. I can see that. Any time you gentlemen want your money back, you just... bring in this slip, and it'll be cheerfully refunded... - with interest. - [All Laughing] We're on our way now, Pard. [Man] Come on, Wes. Let's get that money transferred. Howdy. - Howdy. - Our president. A real go-getter. - Give me a hand, Wes. - You grab those two. [Grunting] Pleasure doin' business with you gentlemen. [Amos] Thank you. Wh-Where are you going with the money? Don't like to keep too much cash in one place. Just not good business. [Man] I told you you was tryin' to take too much. These horses got all they can carry. Put the rest on that jackass and let's get outta here. You know somethin'? They forgot to stamp the date on there. - Mm-hmm. - I'll get that. [Woman] Help! Help! Help! They're robbin' the bank! The bank's been robbed! Oh, blow it out your ear, sheep lover! [Gunfire] Look out! [Screams] [Screaming Continues] Look what you've done! What do you mean? If it hadn't been for me, you'd have been trampled by those horses. A train would have been preferable to you! Now get off of me! - Well, let me give you a hand. - [Screams] - Let me get your bags. - No! Doesn't anybody understand what I'm trying to tell ya? - The bank has been... - Calm down, woman. While you have been wearing out your mirror, the bank's been robbed. They went thataway, stupid! Amos, we have been taken. They stole every red cent in this bank, includin' ours. I'm gonna go report this to that Marshal What's-His-Name. Come on. [Grunts] - Marshal, you're just the man we were looking for. - Hold it right there. - Yeah, b-but there were two men in here, and they th... - All right, now. Just turn around, remove your guns... and drop them... - Huh? - Nice and easy. Want to show him this? I said drop them. [Bullets Ricocheting] Ooh! Ow! Marshal, I'm sorry. We didn't... Well, I'll be dipped. They got Woolly Bill. They outgunned Woolly Bill Hitchcock! [Laughing] - Let's get outta here. - [Laughing Continues] It's a sight for sore eyes! [Laughing] Boy, if anybody sees us in these fancy duds, we're goners for sure. You know, I knowed we never should have throwed away our clothes. It was good for another three years. Oh, here's your shirt. Somebody throwed noodles in it. [Crowd Murmuring] Well, how'd they do it, Woolly? - They must've snuck up behind ya. - Let's get you over to Doc Sykes. [Laughing] I knew it would happen! I just knew it! They finally did it. They got Woolly Bill! - Two dudes did it. I saw it myself. - Uh, did you hear that? - Two dudes. - Uh, probably from back East. Woolly had the drop on 'em, and they still outgunned him. They's faster than... They's faster than scalded cats, them two. And I ain't crazy neither. I saw it myself. Yeah, uh, you actually saw these two guys, is that right? Well, I got to get over to The Clarion... and give my eyewitness report. [Grunts] [Laughing] They did it! They did it! [Laughing Continues] You know, since we went straight, we're in more trouble than we ever was. - Can't we go back to terrorizing the West? - We can't go anywhere, stupid. We don't have money for train fare... and we can't ride that dumb donkey of yours, 'cause you can't find her. Come on. Get dressed. [Crowd Gasping] They call theirselves the Apple Dumpling Gang. - They what? - Well, that's what they said, Mr. Hitchcock. The Apple Dumpling Gang. They's the same two that outgunned ya, Woolly. [Hitchcock] Yes, I see them. I saw 'em myself, right after they shot the guns out of your hands. Hard to believe, ain't it? Did you really have the drop on 'em, Mr. Hitchcock? He sure did. And that's the donkey the others lit out with. Why, the gang must have split up. Those are the two I want. I'll keep this, if you don't mind. Oh, of course, Mr. Hitchcock. Glad to help... anyway that I can. - Our picture's never gonna get in the history books now. - Oh, yes it will. We'll go down as numbers 16 and 17 shot by Marshal Woolly Bill Hitchcock. - Let's get out of here. - Huh? [Theodore] You know, Amos... we pulled a real slick one on that Mr. Hitchcock feller. He's gonna be ridin' all over the country lookin' for two dudes with checkered vests... not a couple ofhard cases like us. I'd say we got it pretty soft. Even be better if we had something to eat. Don't worry about that right now. We just lay low in this old barn till dark... then we just slip out of town and mosey off to other parts. Ain't no way we're gonna be tied up with that bank robbery. [Braying] - [Theodore] Clarise? - Clarise! Now, wait. Don't be mean to her. That's our way out of town. Listen, people seen her hightail it out with that bank money. Now she comes follerin'you around like a hungry pup. It ain't gonna take Woolly Bill long to put two and two together. - Who's the other two? - You and me and two ropes, that's who. We gotta get rid of your mule and ditch that bank money. - I thought you said we was goin' straight. - Hush up. Let me think. - Hey, Pard. - Huh? Is this how you make a capital T? What are you doin'? - What's the capital T for? - Theodore. Don't put my name on it, ya strawhead. Just say, "Here's your money back, and we're sorry we caused you any inconvenience." All right. Okay, that's, uh, in... uh, incon... Inconve... Inconven... Uh, could I just say, "No hard feelings"? - Just forget that for now and help me with this. Come on. - Right. [Grunting] - You sure this is gonna work? - You bet it's gonna work. I got this figured out real scientific-like. Now, when I count to three, we drop the bags, they swing right through the bank door... and Woolly Bill's got his money back. - That's as easy as fallin' off a log. - Don't say that. You ready? One, two... - Oh, I forgot the note. - Three-ee-ee. - [Theodore Screaming] - Where ya goin'? [Screaming Continues] [Belches] - [Screaming] - I'll get ya. I got... Hey! - [Screaming] - Watch the window! [Screaming] - Give me your hand. Give me your other hand. - Hold me! - Come on. - Hold me, Amos, hold me. Whoa! [Groaning] - [Man] Looks like his neck. - [Man #2] Hey, Marshal, let me help you here. Don't touch me. [Groaning] He looks like he's plumb hurt. - [Muttering] - Better get a doctor. - [Grunting] - I gotcha. He got the money back, just like you said he would. - Yeah. Let's get out of here. - Huh? Yeah. - We're with you, Woolly. - [Groaning] [Grunts] Thank you. Yes, sir. We gotta believe in this man. - Get back. - I don't see Clarise nowhere. Will you forget about that donkey? We gotta put some distance between us and this town... or it's gonna be our permanent residence. And I mean permanent. Follow me. [Crowd Murmuring] [Woman] I just hope he doesn't go into one ofhis long speeches. Here's your rifle, Mr. Hitchcock. He's some kind of lawman, ain't he? [Man] He's the man. He's the man that's gonna get 'em. You can do it. - Will you kindly assist me? - Gladly. [Crowd Murmuring] [Groaning] All right. Easy does it. - Watch your step. - [Groaning] [Man] Just look at him. - That's a fine figure of a man. - Here, here. Because those two cringin'... pusillanimous polecats... returned some money... they shall not escape my vengeance. Be assured, good citizens ofJunction City... I will not rest until... the Apple Dumpling Gang... is completely destroyed... and removed from society. - [Cheering] - May I have my trusty steed, young man... if you don't mind? Thank you. That will do just fine, I believe. Here we go. [Groans] [Man] Watch out, there. Stand back. [Man #2] Give him some room. That's it. Listen, listen. I shall have their carcasses... back in this town in two weeks. - Two weeks. - [Crowd Applauding] You can come out now, Miss Gaskill. - Are you quite ready now? - Oh, yes, ma'am. That was the last case of champagne. It's about time. I'll have you know I'm not in the habit of bein' kept waitin', Private. - Well, after all, it is for your party. - Especially in this condition. And furthermore, in the future, Private... I will expect an officer to accompany me, and not an enlisted man. And you can rest assured... [Dialogue Fades] For heaven's sake! [Groaning] Are you certain you're takin'the right road? I've ridden all over, and I've never experienced anything that compares with this. [Groaning Continues] Oh, is this the first time you've traveled this road? Why, you rarely miss a rut. Well, just shift in the saddle, so to speak. It only hurts half as bad. As soon as we get to Fort Concho, my father's gonna hear all about this. Well, if this comes to a court-martial... they might demand to see evidence of your complaint. You forget your place, soldier. - Giddyup, now. Ho! - Merciful heavens. Believe me, I fully intend to give a detailed account of your incompetence and your... Uh-huh. Yes. Appears we're on the same trail, my dear. With your permission... I'll just let you lead the way, hmm? Whoa, now. Whoa. And here we are. Allow me. - Millie! - Oh, Dad! - What's all this? - You all right, darlin'? - Daddy, you wouldn't believe what I've been through. - What happened, Millie? - Oh, Jim... - Well, come on in and tell me all about it. I'll be right with you, Millie. I'll just get the bags. Sergeant Slaughter? - Yes, sir. - Come here. [Both Snoring] - What is that? - I don't know, sir. Where did they come from, Reid? I have no idea, Sergeant. - Well, get 'em out of there. On their feet. - Yes, sir. We're moving. We're moving. Now, who in blazes are you, and how did you get in an army conveyance? Don't answer that. I'll do all the talking here, Amos. And besides, who wants to know? I want to know! You obviously don't know who you're talking to, Little Boy Blue. I like that. Where is your horn, Little Boy Blue? [Chuckles] - Get some coffee in them, Sergeant. - Yes, sir. At ease. Now, gentlemen, come with me to the orderly room... and I'll explain the benefits of military life to you. Free food, outdoor activity in the fresh air... the camaraderie of soldiering... and that great feeling of belonging. Now, gentlemen, come with me and I'll help you... with the little details of joining our group. Now you're talkin', soldier boy. After that, we'll take care of another little detail. [Jim] Hey, you, trapper... what do you got here? I found him up there just this side of timberline. Just like this. It's Flint and Quinn, sir. Yeah, I been hearin' that... military is payin' thirty dollars a head for deserters, dead or alive... - so I put in for... - Thanks for bringing them in... but that's all you get. These two were killed on duty. - Take care of them, Corporal, and bring those arrows to me. - Yes, sir. Just thanks? That's all I get? By gollies, l-l-I fetched them a long ways. Seems like you oughta... do... somethin' for somebody. Gets so you can't hardly... trust nobody no more. Come on, boy. Let's go. And you're certain they're Shoshone. Well, it could be Paiute, sir, but they're not usually this far west. Then why can't we find any sign of them? Where did they get to? - What was in the wagon? - Blankets, rifles, sidearms. Well, that'll be sold to renegades. - Put 'em with the other evidence. - Yes, sir. Jim. I don't know what I'm gonna tell Washington. Uh, yes, sir. [Horse Whinnies] Halt. Who's there? Identify. Halt! Corporal of the guard! Corporal of the guard! We got a deserter! Check back there. Secure the gates! Who is it? I don't know, sir. - Check the stables and sound assembly immediately. - Yes, sir. There he is! What are you doing with these? When you've been bucked and gagged for a few days... you'll feel more communicative, soldier. Put him in the guardhouse. Double the guard. Company ready for inspection, Corporal? - Ready for inspection, Sergeant. - I'll conduct the inspection. [Snoring] - Is this company ready for inspection, Corporal? - Sorry, Sergeant. [Snoring Continues] Did 'ems have a nice nap? Because we don't want our new recruits to be cranky all day, do we? - No, sir. - When the corporal ordered inspection arms... he meant everybody. Everybody! Yes, sir. Yes, uh... Oh, uh... I'll just... The order was for inspection of arms, soldier! - Ooh! - Sergeant! Get... Get back in ranks! Corporal, put these men on a trash detail for one month. Now you listen to me. For the next ten years, you are mine. Do you understand? Mine! And I'm going to make soldiers out of you if I have to kill you in the process. Corporal, take over. I didn't have a very good night's sleep. For talking in ranks, one month on the wood detail! He didn't know about that rule, sir. One month on the stable detail for both of you! And report to me after this formation. - Actually, it was his fault. - And one month on kitchen police in the officers' mess! [Violins] You outdid yourself, Ravencroft. Yes, it's going to be quite an evening, isn't it? I want everything to go perfectly. You do plan to announce your engagement this evening. - I certainly do. I only hope that everything goes... - Oh, there she is now. Excuse me. [Man] You two. [Knocking] You two. Give me a hand? Take this in there, put it in the center of the table... and be careful. Careful! Don't wiggle. Don't spill it! Be careful, you guys. [Banjo] Cake. You're spilling it. [Braying] Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Just officers and their friends. I am an officer. I'm a peace officer, and I'm looking for the Apple Dumpling Gang. - And there they are. - [Braying] Hands up. [Growling] - How'd he ever find us here? - Your mule, that's how. Restrain that man! [Gaskill] Hold him, Corporal. We're never gonna make corporal now. We ain't even gonna make roll call. I tracked 'em! They're mine! Mine! Get the fire brigade! - [Men Shouting] - Let's get out of here. [Screaming] Ooh! What's going on here? Oh, I might have known it. Get some water and put out this fire! - Over there! - Water! Water. Oh. [Shouting Continues] [Bell Ringing] You two! Get the powder out of that shed before the magazine goes up! Corporal, get a bucket brigade started. Fast. Fire brigade, let's go! Move it! - Where are we supposed to put this? - The man said get it out. Hey, can you see what's burnin'? I, uh, can't see... but, uh, it sounds like the whole fort's stirred up. Yeah, well I'm gonna see what's happenin'. Come on! Get the water up there! Come on. Get those buckets in. [Slaughter] Come on, come on. Hurry. [Slaughter] Keep 'em comin'. Pardon me. Gimme that bucket. [Screaming] Get him outta there. Get dirt on that fire! Keep them buckets movin', movin', or we're gonna lose the mess hall! Get the civilians out of the fort. Open the gates! Amos! - There's no water over here! - There's plenty over here, Theodore. L-I could do that. [Slaughter] Corporal, never mind that. Bring your squad over here! Hurry, hurry. - [Theodore] Amos! - Huh? Don't worry, I got her. Amos! Clear the area! Get out of here! Come on! [Hitchcock Screaming] [Maniacal Laughter] Come on, Amos! Come back, boys. [Laughing] Come here, boys. [Gaskill] Careful! Careful out there! [Slaughter] Come on, come on. Move it! Hey, hey! Get me out of here! Get me out ofhere! - Come on, hurry up! - All right, all right. Okay, soldier, grab a bucket. - Yes, sir. - Follow me. We need all the help we can get. Yes, sir. Jim, get Millie out of the compound. This whole fort's gonna go. Stay with her! Hyah, hyah! Hyah! Move 'em! Hyah! [Millie Screaming] Hyah! Hyah! [Shouting Continues] Theodore? Theodore. Better get that punch bowl back on the table. That cook's gonna get mad. [Bugle] With your permission, I'd like to take out a squad to look for Millie. I'm sure Private Reid took her hostage. We have four patrols out already, Lieutenant... and we are presently reduced to a skeletal force... that couldn't defend these shambles against a stiff breeze! Through the years, this proud fort... Fort Concho, has withstood seven Indian assaults... four sieges, plague... drought, the blizzard of'68... and an outbreak of acute dysentery. - We weathered them all, Lieutenant... - Yes, sir. Never once dipping our colors. Then, in less than four hours... two of our own men... those two... brought Fort Concho to its knees. Even if I could explain to Washington what happened... they'd never understand. I know those people back there. Yes, sir. Um, why don't you try to lie down, Major? Because my quarters are destroyed! I have no bed to lie on. Corporal, tell these two men... that they're gonna hang there in the sun for the next three days... with just enough water to keep them barely alive! Then they're gonna be cut down, and they're gonna rebuild this fort... piece by piece, log by log... even if it takes the rest of their lives! You two men are gonna hang there in the sun for three days... I think we heard him, Corporal. [Groaning] Say, Theodore, how long you think it's gonna take us to rebuild this fort? Well... [Growling] I don't think we're gonna have to worry about that. - Mornin', Mr. Hitchcock. - We was just hopin' we'd run into you, Mr. Hitchcock. It-It's about that, uh... you know, back there in Junction City... For bank robbery... [Neck Muscles Crack, Groans] For destruction of private property... for creating a public nuisance... for interference with an officer in the performance of his duty... for illegal flight to avoid prosecution... I didn't know we did all those things. You, Theodore? And miscellaneous misdemeanors... I am going to put you out of your misery... and take you back toJunction City... draped over the back of your own mule. Don't we get to stand trial? You forfeited the right to your trial... when you made me follow your jackass all over the countryside. Mr. Hitchcock has a point there, Theodore. We did put this man through an awful lot of trouble. Will you just shut up. Now, we got a fort to build here, Mr. Hitchcock. But just as soon as we're finished here... we'll meet you back at Junction City, and then you can put us out of our misery then. Save your breath. You are both going to be shot between the eyes. I won't make it any easier on you... but I will make it... somewhat of a challenge for myself. You oughta get some butter on those hands. [Grunting] [Gun Firing] - Hold it. Hold it. - Let me go! Let me go! You're interfering with a police officer in the performance of his duty! They're not gonna get off that easy. They're mine for the next ten years. Do you hear me? Mine! Mine! Corporal of the guard! [Millie] But why did you kidnap me? [Reid] Darlin', you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was not for your company, I assure you. Do you think you can elude the entire garrison? I am gonna try. You do seem awfully familiar with the back trails around here. Most of'em. I have to be. You're involved with these military thefts, aren't you? That should be pretty obvious by now. You'll be shot when they catch ya. Well, that's the chance you take in this business. Giddyup! Hello, in the cabin. Hello! Whoa. Hello, Jeff. Howdy, Martha. Excuse me. - Allow me. - I can get down myself, thank you. Who's that with you, Jeff? Miss Gaskill, I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine, Mrs. Martha Austin. Well, I'm not his friend. I'm his prisoner, and I plead to you as another woman to help me. Lot of women wouldn't be all that upset over your predicament. Come on in. Leave the flowers, Jeff. There's more. How 'bout you, Miss Gaskill? No, thank you. I'm thoroughly exhausted. - I'd like to lay down if I may. - Of course. Just as soon as you finish the dishes, Miss Gaskill. You want to wash or dry? And in the morning... we'll see about rebuilding that woodpile, Martha. Excuse me. Now, how much more of this do we have to stack? Well, Miss Gaskill, you're just gettin' off to a good start. Uh, Miss Gaskill, let me, uh... Let me save you some steps there. Here ya go. Put your arms out. Good. Hold on, hold on. - What do you mean, "Hold on"? - Here we go. - That's enough. - Just one more. One more. There we go. There. Lieutenant Ravencroft would be very proud of you. Oh, I swear, when they find us, you're gonna get what's comin' to you. Well, in that case, we better hurry up and get this wood chopped. Come on. Off you go. - I can't! - Whoa! - Are you all right, Millie? - Would you get your hands off me? It seems that I'm all that's between you and a very nasty fall... - and you should be thankin' me. - Please? Well, I didn't know that army brats knew that word. [Screams] There you go. [Major] Prisoners, front and center, ho! A court-martial has found you guilty of... more charges than I care to enumerate at this time... - but enough to commit you to Bridger Military Prison... - Oh, they're mine. All mine. Oh, yes, you see, I caught them, and so, they're mine. There's nothing to worry about. I have everything under complete control. They're mine! Mine, all mine! [Screams] [Screaming Continues] Whatever's fair. We don't want to cause any trouble. To Bridger Military Prison, where you will remain at hard labor for 30 years. I regret that is the maximum penalty the law allows. I want to add... that I am being relieved of my position here. Two weeks from today, Lt. Ravencroft will be promoted... and will assume command of the post. - Congratulations, sir. - Mmm-mmm. I can say without reservation... that I have... you to thank for it! Sergeant, Corporal. [Horse Neighing] - Take them away. - [Soldier] Move. [Hitchcock Laughing Maniacally] I'll be waiting for you! If it takes a hundred years, I'll get you! I'm going to get you! [Crazed Laughing] - Move 'em out! - [Soldier] Detail, move. [Hitchcock's Laughter Continues] My, how you manage by yourself I'll never know. Don't you get lonesome way out here? The Norwoods live upstream a ways. They look in on me once in awhile. But I don't miss anything. I've lived my life, and it's been a good one. Martha, where did you ever meet Private Reid? Jeff? I didn't even know he was in the army. I just know he's a good man. A good man! Why... Why, he's an arrogant scoundrel and a disgrace to his country! Oh, I don't know. I do know he has a much higher opinion of you. Oh, really. He loves you. Loves? Loves me? Oh, now whatever gave you that idea? I can hear it every time he speaks to you. Every time he says, "Miss Gaskill." It's filled with love. You're a lucky girl. [Horse Approaching] - Captain Phillips. - [Phillips] Lieutenant. - Seen any patrols? - No, sir. Not a sign. Good to see you. [Chuckles] I got something for ya. Colonel Stevenson, who hopes you're well. And that I've got something definite to report on these army supply thefts, I'm sure. Well, there was some mention of that, yes. You know, I haven't got one solid clue yet, Lieutenant... but all indications are that the answer is somewhere inside Fort Concho. Right now I need some more help from you and Colonel Stevenson. First thing, I'd like to get some new I.D. Papers... a little bit more cash... Oh, hi, Martha. It's me. - She's gone. - What do you mean? Where is she? I didn't think she'd have the salt to try it on her own, but she did. - Martha, she... - She'll be all right, Jeff. If she sticks to the stream, she'll come upon the Norwood place. They'll give her a hand back to the fort. [Sighs] And Lt. Ravencroft? I'm sorry, Jeff. I truly am. Hey, they're here. They sure ain't taking any chances with them guys. Wonder how fast they really are. I don't want to be the one to find out. Everybody sure has been nice to us, Theodore. The guy who gave us these uniforms, wanted to make sure they fit. Even called us "sir." That's because they think we're the fastest guns in the West. - Well, we did get Woolly Bill. - On the first bounce. If it ever gets out what really happened in that bank, we won't last a week in here. - What are you gonna do? - First, we gotta find out who's really running things here. - Once we back him down, we got no more problems. You got me? - Right. [Unlocking Door] [Prisoners Chattering] Psst. Remember who we're supposed to be. - [Shuddering] - All right. Who's the number one cock-a-doodle-doo around here? - W-What? - "What?" [Grunts] - Now, who is he? - It's-It's Mac! It's Mac! - Mac who? - Uh, I don't know. They just call him "Big Mac." Where is this Big Mac? I don't know. [Panting] Not many of these fellas have ever seen him. Big Mac don't, don't never come out here in the yard, n-never. Well, you get word to this, uh, Big Mac... that the Apple Dumpling Gang wants to see him. Okay? Uh-h-h, Apple Dumpling Gang. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. [Straining] - Move out. - Y-Yes, sir. - Move it! - [Gasps] Yes, sir! [Man] One, two, three. Heave! [Bugle] Sometimes I wished we'd left Marshal Hitchcock to his own devices. - How's he doing? - He's been released from the infirmary. Not all together cured, I'd say, but better. About the robberies, Jim, I hate to pass on unfinished business... but I did everything I knew how. You did everything humanly possible. But it wasn't enough. They stole another cavy of horses just two days ago. - I'm beginning to think these raids are done by ghosts. - It's uncanny, sir. Well, it's off my shoulders now. Daddy, it's unfair. Nothing is fair in this world, Millie. I'm sorry about your wedding plans, but you could hardly stay here under these conditions. Now you know I'll be all right. You don't have to worry about me. We'll be married just as soon as I take my leave, sir. Hey, Theodore, when we get out of here in 30 years, are we gonna go straight again? I'll think about that when the time comes. Listen, did that guard say to go left or right when we passed them boilers? He said to go right. This is a strange place for a shipping room. I don't think we're supposed to be down here. We must've made a wrong turn somewhere. Uh, where... - [Gasping] - Uh, Theodore? - Theodore, what did you do? - [Men Chattering] - Shh. - [Man] It'll be a week or so till we get the cash. - We'll make the split then. - You did a goodjob. No witnesses. - That's the way I want it. - [Whispers] Amos. You boys have had it pretty easy up till now. But I wanna tell you, holdin'up a train isn't easy as them wagons. There'll be plenty of guards around that payroll. We'll take care of the guards. Reno, you're in charge. Blainey, go along with him, make sure there ain't no mistakes. Now I'll be waiting in the meadow at the Cuddy Grade. You work your way up to the baggage cart, throw the money out there. Stay on the train till you get to Oakdale, then get off. If everything goes well, I figure we should be able to meet back here in 45 minutes. An hour, at the outside. $50,000 an hour. That's pretty good pay. [Gasps] Uh, could you direct us to the Bridger Military Prison, please? Who the blazes are you? Ya ever hear of the Apple Dumpling Gang, punk? Why didn't you say so? I hear you wanna see me. Maybe we do, maybe we don't. Whose little boy are you? [Chuckling] I'm Mac. Mac who, fuzzy face? That Mac. Probably wants to talk to you. Uh, we just wanted to say howdy. Howdy. How long were you there and what'd you hear? Oh, nothing. We just got here, Mr. Mac. We didn't hear nothing about any train robbery, did we? No, no. Didn't hear nothing about the money either. - Boys. - Wait a minute. Mac, we can use a couple of extra guns on this job. Yeah, I hear you boys are pretty handy with the iron. That's right. Pound for pound, we're the best in the West. [Big Mac] Well, good. Yes. [Chuckling] Well, here. We'll give you a chance to prove it. [Chuckling] Well, now that's what I call shootin'. Maybe we can use you boys. Uh, are you gentlemen prisoners here? When we feel like it. It ain't all that surprisin' when you know the story. See, Bridger here was built by army prisoners. When they was digging the foundation, they found these caverns. [Chuckling] A few of the boys just kept it under their hat. Figured they'd use it later to bust out. [Chuckles] But it turned out to be the perfect hideout. Now, where's the last place the law would look for a person that was robbin' a supply wagon? Why, that's a toughie. Now, where is the last place... - Prison. - Huh? You got a head on you, boy. Just barely. So we figured why bust out and be on the dodge the rest of our lives. Stay in prison and run the whole operation from here. Live like kings. Come and go when we want. Feel the need for a little relaxation, a little female companionship... we just ride into town. Makes life in prison very comfortable. Does Warden Waddell know about this? No! Nobody does, but the seven of us. Well, nine of us now and the outside man. - Who's that? - You'll meet him when the time comes. The outside man lets us know when there's a wagon... or a shipment coming through with somethin' worthwhile on it. He gets a cut for his trouble. You'll get yours too if you handle yourselves all right. We'll be watching ya. [Chuckles] We'll slip into town one or two at a time. - You two know where your spot is? - The Variety Saloon. I want everyone in place at 12:00 sharp. And you better be there. Don't worry. Giddap! Come on! You know, Theodore. Robbin' army payroll ain't exactly goin' straight. We ain't robbed no payroll yet, Amos, and we ain't goin' to. I'm thinkin' on a plan. Better come up with it by noon. If you don't have it by noon... Wait for me. All we gotta do is have the sheriff in this town... Iock us up under protective custody. Then we just lay back and let him handle the rest. We'll be heroes. If you're looking for Sheriff Vaughn, he's over at the Widow Bradshaw's. Seems a fox has been gettin' into her chicken house again. Hmm! Usually takes the sheriff about a week to settle the matter. - A week? - Yeah, we can't... A week? We can't wait a week. I mean, already the little hand's on 12, big hand's on 11. You need a lawman, the federal marshal's down at the Variety's. - Let's go! Come on! - Hey, Theodore. Are we in more trouble here or back in Junction City? When you're in this much trouble, it can't get worse. [Clears Throat] Howdy. Uh, we're lookin' for the marshal. We've got a marshal here, of sorts. But I don't know as he can handle your complaint though. - I'm sure he can. - Oh, sure he can. Where is he? Right over there. - [Groaning] - It's the famous Marshal Woolly Bill Hitchcock. He's just a shell of a man he was before the Apple Dumpling Gang got away from him. - Shall I wake him up? - [Both] Uh, no, no. - Let him sleep. We're just leaving. - Thank you very much. - Where's the backdoor? - In the back. Amos! [Screams] It's noon. Whiskey. Where's the two new gunslingers? They'll be here. They better. Where we goin'? I can't see. I don't know. Just act nonchalant. - Hey, look, a couple of girls. - [Men Whistling] [Both Stammering] [Man] Come down here, girls. Let's dance! - Remember them? - The bank robbers? - [Man] Play a tune, Charlie. Maybe they'll dance. - Big Mac. [Piano, Cancan] Woolly Bill. - They're all here. - Hey, come on! - What are we gonna do? - We're gonna dance. Come on. [Men Cheering, Whooping] - How long do we have to keep this up, Theodore? - I don't know. - Come on. Let's dance. - [Gasps] Hey, play something we can dance to. [Moans] Whoops. ["My Darling Clementine"] Come on, honey. Don't play hard to get. - You're for me. I like mine with a little meat on 'em. - [Mock Laughter] Ain't we seen you two gals somewhere before? - [Falsetto Voice] We do get around. - Ah. Been a long time since I had my arms around a little hug and squeeze like you. [Falsetto Voice] I bet you say that to all the girls. - [Mock Laughter] - [Man Laughing] Nah. We gotta get out of here or we're in big trouble. Oh, I don't know. Mine's a pretty good dancer. It's gettin' late. Yeah. We better get out of here. If I ever get my hands on those two, I'll kill 'em. You know, I can't get over the feelin' that I've seen you somewheres afore. Oh, I'm just another pretty face. [Chuckles] Listen, gorgeous. Why don't we get out of here? - I'd sure like to get to know you a little bit better. - [Mock Laughter] [Coughing] [Braying] Hey, Teresa. Look, it's Clarise. - [Gasps] - Uh, Teresa, Clarise is back. - Let's get out ofhere! - [Grunts] Thanks for the dance, honey. - Come on! - Come on, Clarise. - Theodore! - [Moaning] [Gasps] [Chuckles] [Theodore] Amos. Amos. [Screaming] - You okay, Theodore? - You bet, Pard. Thanks. Get me down! Get me down from here. Let's get outta here! - Wait a minute, Theodore. Where's Clarise? - Amos, forget about her! - Clarise! - Amos, come on! Come on, Clarise. Amos! Come on, Amos! Come on! Come on! Come on, you two! Excuse me. Is this seat taken? Well, I still feel funny about Clarise, Theodore. Will you forget about that! A deal's a deal. At least we're puttin' some miles between us and Big Mac. You got a point there. I guess we can kind of relax and just sit... - [Gasps] Hey! Isn't that, uh... - [Gasps] That's Reno and Blainey and the whole bunch of'em. They're comin'right at us. Duck! - Let's get on board. - Now, move it, you guys. We ain't got much time. [Conductor] All aboard! They're comin' in here. - Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? - That army payroll. - It's on this train! - Let's get outta here! - [Train Starts Moving] - [Both Scream] [Grunts] [Gasps] You! We can't go on meeting like this, Miss Gaskill. Or is it Mrs. Ravencroft? Well, there's been a slight delay in our plans. Wonderful. - What are you doin'? - Just something I've wanted to do for a long time. My, if you would've put the same amount of effort into somethin' worthwhile, why... Get back to your seat and stay there. Who are you to be telling me what to do? I am Captain Jeff Phillips of Army Intelligence... and I'm on special duty here trying to find out who's behind these... - military supply robberies at your father's fort. - Captain? We'll have time to talk about it later. There's a large army payroll on this train. I have reason to believe they're gonna try and get it. - I don't want you shot before we get married. - Married? Now get in there and stay put. [Sighs] [Man] Over here, Mac. It's, uh, not that I don't trust you, Mac. But since it's cash this time, notjust supplies... I thought it'd be easier if wejust divvied it up here, right at the scene. - Your boys know this spot? - Don't worry about them. They're all good at theirjobs. Well, they oughta be. I pay 'em enough. Well, if that train left on time, oughta be here in less than five minutes. I'll be glad when that money's off this train. If we just keep movin' and stay buttoned up, everything'd be all right. [Train Whistle Blowing] And the cap. [Grunts] [Screaming] - Thank you. Tickets, please. - What was that, Theodore? I don't know. And it's Running Bear, not Theodore. - Yeah, but, Theo... - How many times do I have to keep telling you? I'm Running Bear and you're Standing Elk. Now, hush up! [Blainey] I saidjump! [Screams] Uh, Running Bear... Standing Elk just saw Screaming Eagle and Flying Corporal. [Chuckles] It was just, uh... There's not much time. Unlock that door. [Grunting] [Whooping] [Man] It's Indians! - [Gunshots] - [Passengers Chattering] I wonder what they want. Hey. Aah! Theo. - What's goin' on out there? - [Whooping Continues] Indians. The Indians have been peaceful for years. - I wonder what stirred them up? - I don't know. But I don't like it. Let's get outta here. - [Man Speaking In Native Dialect] - Oooh. - [Passengers Shouting, Screaming] - Get down! Check the women! I think those two are lookin' for us. Yeah, but, uh... I think I'd rather rob a train. [Gunshots Continue] Hi, Reno. It-It's us. Do ya need any help? Where you two been? Get in here! - I knew you had enough help... - Come here. [Speaking In Native Dialect] [Screams] [All Grunting] [Whooping Continues] [Amos] Oh, boy, look at that. I thought you people just wanted guns and beads. There's nothin' in there but bills. Show him, Reno. Yeah. No want paper. Want them. - [Gasps] - White man trade donkey with my squaw for two blankets. Then donkey run away. Dirty white man trick. Squaw want blankets back. You got 'em, chief. - Give me these! - I, uh... [Laughing] [Stammering] Come on, Mac! Get on with it! All right, everybody got what they want? Now we can all get down to business. Not quite. I haven't got what I came for. Millie. Private Reid. It's Captain Phillips, Lieutenant, U.S. Army Intelligence. You and your sidekicks are all under arrest. - Get the bags. - So if you'll kindly dismount, very slowly, please... drop your arms, you can all ride... Amos, what are you doing? - I'm trying... - Will you please hurry and help... [Screaming, Grunts] [Reid] Hey! Who is that? What's goin'on there? Hey! - Who is that down there? - Oh, Amos and Theodore, Captain. Remember us, from the fort? Yes, good work down there, soldier... uh, uh, men... uh, good work. - Phillips, you can't arrest me. - Oh, yes, I most certainly can. - You don't have anything on me. - We'll see about that, Lieutenant. Your entire operation will be closely examined at your general court-martial. And in the meantime, you and your sidekicks here... can ride back in the baggage cart, if you don't mind, sir. Right there. Right there, right there. Right, right. Right there. There. Well, move it. [Chuckles] All right, come on, come on, come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. "It was a distinctive gold coin... spent at the Variety Saloon that led to the capture and..." - What's that? - "Incarceration." - That means to "cart 'em back there." - Right. "...incarceration of the real bank robbers, Wes Hardin and Frank Starrett. "Mr. Hitchcock, in a statement to The Clarion... "said he knew all along the Apple Dumpling Gang was not guilty... but he wanted the real robbers, Hardin and Starrett, to relax their v-v-v..." - What's that? - "Vigilance." - It means to "rest their horses." - Oh. Kids'll be surprised we got an honorable discharge from the Army. - Yeah. [Chuckles] - When do you think we'll be home? - A day and a half. - That'll be Tuesday. Boy, I hope there's some of that leftover pot roast. I bet Mr. Donovan and Dusty'll be real surprised to see us. Yep. I'll bet that place is a rack and ruin since we been gone.