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Movie Date: July 29, 1983

00:00:03 ♪♪ I found out long ago ♪♪
00:00:06 ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:00:07 ♪♪ it's a long way downthe holiday road ♪♪
00:00:11 ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:00:12 ♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:00:17 ♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:00:22 ♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:00:27 ♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:00:33 ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:00:38 ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:00:43 ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:00:45 [ dog barking ] ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:00:59 I'm trading my wife's old car in.
00:01:03 Ha ha ha ha, say goodbye to the old gas guzzler, russ.
00:01:07 See you later.
00:01:07 Ah, pretty exciting, isn't it, rusty?
00:01:10 What's that, dad?
00:01:12 Picking up the new car.
00:01:13 Yeah, you can't wait, can you?
00:01:16 Hi, there, ed.
00:01:17 Good to see you, mr. griswold.
00:01:18 How you doing? rueben, right?
00:01:20 Rusty.
00:01:21 Ahh. okay.
00:01:22 Look at him. he can't wait.
00:01:23 So, did you bring your trade-in?
00:01:24 Yeah, guy just took it away a couple of seconds a.
00:01:27 Well, let's get to it then.
00:01:28 we were kind of afraid the new one wouldn't come in yet, but we're on our way to california in the morning -- the big vacation, the whole family, walley world.
00:01:35 Walley word. very exciting, clyde.
00:01:37 Clark.
00:01:38 Well, there she is.
00:01:40 Where?
00:01:41 Right here. the wagon.
00:01:43 Dad, this is not the car you ordered.
00:01:46 Take it easy, rusty.
00:01:47 Ed, this is not the car I ordered.
00:01:49 I distinctly ordered the antarctic blue super sports wagon with the cb and the optional rally fun pack.
00:01:56 You didn't order the metallic pea?
00:01:59 Metallic pea? no, antarctic blue.
00:02:02 The sports wagon.
00:02:04 This isn't even the right model.
00:02:06 You know, I think you're right.
00:02:07 I don't think this is the car.
00:02:09 This is the new wagon queen family truckster.
00:02:11 This is a -- this is a damn fine automobile.
00:02:13 If you want my honest opinion, it beats the hell out of the sports wagon, but I want to make you happy, huh?
00:02:18 Davenport!
00:02:19 I'll get to the bottom of this.
00:02:21 Yes, mr. ed?
00:02:22 Mr. griswold ordered a blue sports wagon.
00:02:24 Where is it?
00:02:26 I don't know, sir.
00:02:29 I know what must have happened.
00:02:33 It didn't come in.
00:02:34 Ed, I'm not your ordinary everyday fool, okay?
00:02:37 Now, I'd like my antarctic blue super sports wagon right now, and if you can't get it for me, I'm going to take my business elsewhere.
00:02:47 Where's my old car?
00:02:52 I'm just as upset as you are, believe me.
00:02:55 Davenport!
00:02:56 griswold's car back and bring it back here!
00:03:03 [ Horn honks ] there's no problem there.
00:03:07 The problem is it might take six weeks.
00:03:09 griswold, that if you're thinking of taking the tribe cross country, this is the automobile you should be using -- the wagon queen family truckster.
00:03:18 You think you hate it now, but wait till you drive it.
00:03:22 I don't want to drive it.
00:03:23 I just want my old car back, okay?
00:03:25 I'm not falling for this bit.
00:03:27 No way. let's go, russ.
00:03:43 [ Car rattling ] [ engine rattling ] clark, is that the right car?
00:04:03 No, it isn't, honey.
00:04:04 I, uh, I changed my mind.
00:04:05 They flattened our old car like a pancake.
00:04:08 Are you serious?
00:04:09 Is this really our car, dad?
00:04:12 What happened?
00:04:12 I thought we were going to get the little sports thing.
00:04:14 Oh, no, the sports wagon's much too small.
00:04:17 Besides, I got a great deal on this one.
00:04:20 Let me tell you, honey.
00:04:21 We're taking the whole tribe across country.
00:04:24 Believe me, this is your automobile.
00:04:26 [ Rattling continues ] why is it still running?
00:04:29 Oh, all new cars do that.
00:04:30 I'll take care of that in a second.
00:04:32 Ha ha ha ha.
00:04:35 You may think you hate it now, honey, but wait till you drive it.
00:04:40 Whoa! an air bag!
00:04:41 You know, clark, it's not too late to fly out to california.
00:04:45 We only have two weeks.
00:04:47 Let's not get into that again, sweetie pie, please?
00:04:50 Lots of families fly, clark, especially cross country.
00:04:53 The whole idea of a family vacation is to spend time together as a family.
00:04:57 You get on an airplane, you put on your earphones, and you're lost in your own world.
00:05:02 It's an awfully long ride, clark.
00:05:04 I'm looking forward to an awfully long ride.
00:05:07 You get to see the kids all the time.
00:05:09 I see them two minutes in the morning, two minutes in the evening, maybe three hours on the weekend.
00:05:14 you know, one of these days I'm going to get up and realize that my little babies are all grown up, and then what?
00:05:21 I just thought it might be easier to fly.
00:05:25 Nothing worthwhile is easy, ellen.
00:05:29 We know that.
00:05:31 ..
00:05:31 Who wants to see the triptik?
00:05:33 The what? dad, we're playing.
00:05:35 Okay, shut off the video games.
00:05:37 Dad! come on, russ.
00:05:38 Shut it off. I know you'll enjoy this.
00:05:40 I've worked out the whole trip on the computer so we get the maximum amount of fun time at walley world without missing any of the good stuff along the way.
00:05:50 there's us, and there's walley world.
00:05:53 Now let's just take a look at day one, shall we?
00:05:56 Honey, come on in. we're gonna do day one.
00:06:02 Okay, now there's the family truckster as we leave chicago.
00:06:07 [ "Charge" plays ] rusty, please, do not eat the truckster.
00:06:15 Russ, do you mind?
00:06:16 I'm trying to work this out here on the old computer.
00:06:19 Please, russ.
00:06:19 Okay, look. thank you, audrey.
00:06:23 That's just great.
00:06:25 Look out, dad. here I come.
00:06:27 All right, that's enough, russ.
00:06:28 Okay, now I think we're moving toward the grand can-- thank you. good shot, audrey.
00:06:33 Dad, I forgot. why aren't we flying?
00:06:35 Why aren't we flying?
00:06:36 Because getting there is half the fun.
00:06:38 You know that.
00:06:41 I turned off the water, the stove, the heat and the air, locked the door, notified the police, stopped the newspapers, I called to get the grass cut.
00:06:48 Did I put the timers on the living room lights?
00:06:51 Oh, and don't forget the mail.
00:06:55 Bye. bye.
00:06:56 Hurry up, honey.
00:06:57 Bye.
00:06:58 Drive careful now, clark.
00:07:00 Bye.
00:07:02 Watch those freeways.
00:07:04 Goodbye.
00:07:05 Oh, oh, I know I've forgotten something.
00:07:08 Walley world, here we come.
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00:11:19 Ellen: ♪♪ Mockingbird, tell me, everybody ♪♪
00:11:21 ♪♪
00:11:23 ♪♪ he's gonna buy me a mockingbird ♪♪
00:11:25 Clark: ♪♪ He's gonna buy a mockingbird ♪♪
00:11:27 ♪♪ and if that mockingbird don't sing ♪♪
00:11:30 ♪♪ don't sing ♪♪
00:11:31 ♪♪ he's gonna buy me a diamond ring ♪♪
00:11:34 ♪♪ buy me a diamond ring ♪♪
00:11:35 ♪♪ and if that diamond ring don't shine ♪♪
00:11:38 ♪♪ don't shine ♪♪
00:11:39 ♪♪ it's gonna surely break this heart of mine ♪♪
00:11:42 ♪♪ this heart of mine ♪♪
00:11:43 ♪♪ and that's why ♪♪ ♪♪ yes, indeed ♪♪
00:11:45 ♪♪ I keep on singin' ♪♪
00:11:48 ♪♪ yeah, yeah ♪♪
00:11:49 ♪♪ whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪♪
00:11:50 Clark: Come on, kids.
00:11:51 We don't know any of your songs.
00:11:53 Dad, is that made up? that sounds made up.
00:11:55 Okay, I got one.
00:11:56 How about the walley world national anthem?
00:12:00 Huh?
00:12:01 Okay, okay, you start.
00:12:03 .. ♪♪
00:12:05 ♪♪
00:12:07 ♪♪ marty moose ♪♪
00:12:07 ♪♪ who is the star of our favorite show?
00:12:08 ♪♪
00:12:10 ♪♪ marty moose ♪♪
00:12:11 ♪♪ "m" is for merry ♪♪
00:12:13 ♪♪ we're merry, you see ♪♪
00:12:15 ♪♪ "o" is for oh, gosh ♪♪
00:12:16 ♪♪ oh, golly, oh, gee ♪♪
00:12:18 ♪♪ "s" is for super fun family glee ♪♪
00:12:21 ♪♪ "e" is for everything you want to be ♪♪
00:12:26 ♪♪ m-a-r-t-y ♪♪
00:12:30 ♪♪ m-o-o-s-e ♪♪
00:12:33 what's that spell?
00:12:34 ♪♪ Marty moose, marty moose, marty moose ♪♪
00:12:37 ee-yuck! that's me.
00:12:40 Ha ha ha ha!
00:12:41 All right, that's more like it.
00:12:44 Hey, here's one you don't know.
00:12:45 We used to sing this one when you were little kids.
00:12:46 You're going to like this.
00:12:47 ♪♪ Oh, jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care ♪♪
00:12:50 ♪♪ jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care ♪♪
00:12:53 ♪♪hey, ho, let's go♪♪
00:12:56 ♪♪hey, ho, let's go♪♪
00:12:57 ♪♪they're forming in a straight line♪♪
00:13:00 ♪♪they're going through a tight wind♪♪
00:13:03 ♪♪the kids are losing their minds♪♪
00:13:05 ♪♪the blitzkrieg bop♪♪
00:13:08 ♪♪they're piling in the back seat♪♪
00:14:02 clark?
00:14:03 Isn't this the gas tank?
00:14:05 Yes, I know, honey.
00:14:06 I'm just fixing the, uh, the license plate here.
00:14:15 Clark: Hey, hey, see that, kids?
00:14:17 louis arch -- the gateway to the west.
00:14:20 It's over 600 feet tall, and there's an elevator all the way to the top.
00:14:24 That's 60 stories to you and me.
00:14:26 Rusty: Wow, dad, can we go up on it?
00:14:28 No.
00:14:29 Dad, what river is this?
00:14:31 Ah, that's the mississippi.
00:14:32 The mighty mississip. ha ha ha ha.
00:14:35 The ol' miss.
00:14:37 The ol' man.
00:14:39 ♪♪ Deep river ♪♪
00:14:42 ♪♪ my home is over jordan ♪♪
00:14:47 clark, I think this is the wrong exit.
00:14:50 as long as we get across the river.
00:15:01 [ Siren wailing in the distance ] clark, what are you doing?
00:15:05 Just relax, ellen.
00:15:06 This is so dangerous.
00:15:07 We have no business being in an area like this.
00:15:11 Well, look at it this way, honey, this is a part of america we never get to see.
00:15:15 That's good.
00:15:15 I mean, we can't close our eyes to the plight of the cities.
00:15:20 Kids, you noticing all this plight?
00:15:22 This will just, uh, make us appreciate what we have.
00:15:25 [ Gunshot ] roll 'em up.
00:15:34 Man: Hey, darnell, check out this truckster.
00:15:37 Darnell: It's a truckster!
00:15:39 Hey, hey. with a luggage rack.
00:15:43 Hey, uh, excuse me, homes?
00:15:45 [ Chuckles ] what it is, bro?
00:15:48 We're from out of town.
00:15:51 Uh-huh.
00:15:51 Yeah, listen, I'd really appreciate it if you could, uh, give me directions back onto the expressway.
00:15:56 What, for free?
00:15:58 Sure.
00:16:00 $5.
00:16:01 I'm not gonna give you $5 for directions.
00:16:03 I think that's fair, clark.
00:16:07 Okay, here's $10.
00:16:09 Thank you.
00:16:13 Keep the change.
00:16:14 Okay, now, uh, you see -- you see which way you're pointing, right?
00:16:17 Yeah, okay, that's good 'cause you see that place?
00:16:20 Yeah. uh-huh.
00:16:21 You see where it say "rib tips"?
00:16:24 Rib tips. yeah. mm-hmm.
00:16:25 Yeah, well, forget that. don't go that way.
00:16:26 I wonder if these guys know the commodores.
00:16:28 You're gonna go all the way down about half a block and you'll see a torino with no wheels on it.
00:16:34 Now, inside that torino is my cousin jackie.
00:16:37 Now, you tell him you my boy and that you lost, and he'll make sure you get to where you going 'cause you don't want to know from me, man.
00:16:43 This ain't even my neighborhood.
00:16:44 I'm from the west side of chicago, here on vacation.
00:16:47 Clark: you've been a great help.
00:16:55 The damn wheel's all screwed up.
00:16:57 you get weird when you get tired.
00:16:59 I don't want you dozing off.
00:17:03 I'm not tired. are you kidding?
00:17:05 I could go another 100 miles. come on.
00:17:09 No problem.
00:17:13 ♪♪ I stay at home at night ♪♪
00:17:16 ♪♪ I stay at home ♪♪
00:17:18 ♪♪ right by the phone at night ♪♪
00:17:21 ♪♪ right by the phone ♪♪
00:17:23 ♪♪ but you won't call ♪♪
00:17:25 ♪♪ and I won't hurt my pride ♪♪
00:17:30 ♪♪ call me mister ♪♪
00:17:33 ♪♪ I won't tell you ♪♪
00:17:36 ♪♪ wa, ooh, wa, ooh ♪♪
00:17:38 [ snoring ] whoa! whoa!
00:17:52 [ Horn honks ] [ snoring ] [ horn honking ] sparky.
00:18:05 Why don't you turn off the tv and come to bed?
00:18:09 Okay, honey.
00:18:14 Aah!
00:18:16 [ Tires squealing ] well, up and at 'em.
00:18:32 We're here.
00:20:35 ringtones website wonderful.
00:20:36 People love 'em!
00:20:38 Gecko: yeah, thank you sir. turned out nice.
00:20:39 Boss: got another one for you.
00:20:40 com, it's easy to get a free rate quote, manage your policy, make payments or even file a claim!
00:20:45 Boss: now that's a ringtone.
00:20:48 ..it's interesting....
00:20:50 Certainly not the worst ringtone I've ever ..
00:20:53 a-ringedy- ding-ding-dingy-dong, .. ♪
00:20:55 yeah, that might be the worst.
00:20:59 15 minutescould save you 15% or more on car insurance.
00:21:21 You know, clark, I think it would be a good idea if you called catherine and eddie and told them that we won't be in till tomorrow afternoon.
00:21:28 Afternoon?
00:21:29 , it'll throw the schedule completely off, honey.
00:21:32 I planned everything very carefully, so we'd be at walley world first thing saturday morning.
00:21:38 Sparky, I know how much this trip means to you and that you want all of us to have a great time, but it's a long way to walley world, and I think it would be easier on all of us if you'd just try to relax.
00:21:54 I'm way ahead of you, honey.
00:22:03 Oh.
00:22:05 When did you get these?
00:22:06 Oh, I have my little secrets -- little secrets.
00:22:12 What a nice thought.
00:22:20 Don't drink yet.
00:22:28 Ready for this?
00:22:30 ..
00:22:31 [ Bed whirring ] ..
00:22:37 I'd like to propose a toast, if I may?
00:22:41 Here's to a very restful vacation.
00:22:46 Here's to a very relaxing vacation.
00:22:49 A renewed love affair.
00:22:53 ..
00:22:54 A time of joy with our babies.
00:22:59 You know, honey, I never told you this.
00:23:02 ..
00:23:04 I think there's something wrong here.
00:23:06 It's the bed. it'll slow up in a second.
00:23:09 I got it. hold on to this.
00:23:11 Enjoy it.
00:23:13 Clark, what are you -- let's try this, my darling.
00:23:19 Now we're talking.
00:23:20 We haven't done this for a long time.
00:23:24 Mm.
00:23:26 [ Giggles ] Ellen: Oh, clark.
00:23:28 What's that noise?
00:23:30 What's going on?
00:23:31 Hey. don't you kids knock anymore?
00:23:35 Sorry. we thought you were fighting or something.
00:23:38 Nobody's fighting in here.
00:23:40 [ Turns off bed ] it's very late.
00:23:44 Where's mom?
00:23:45 I'm under here, kids. go back to bed.
00:23:49 ..
00:23:51 The bed was very soft.
00:23:53 Weirdo-rama.
00:23:55 Really.
00:23:57 Clark: Kids, this is the very street wyatt earp used to keep law and order on.
00:24:02 Ellen: It seems kind of dirty and touristy.
00:24:05 Oh, ellen, the old west was dirty.
00:24:07 Everything isn't like home.
00:24:09 If everything were like home, there'd be no reason for leaving home, right, rusty?
00:24:12 Oh, yeah, dad, this is great.
00:24:13 You know, I'm glad we didn't go to hawaii.
00:24:16 I'll bet you are.
00:24:21 Okay. kids?
00:24:23 Let's go get a drink. what do you say?
00:24:26 Here you go, champ.
00:24:27 Ha ha ha ha.
00:24:34 Howdy, city slickers.
00:24:35 Welcome to the long branch.
00:24:36 No fighting, no cussing, no gunslinging.
00:24:38 Watch what you say to our bartender.
00:24:41 He's an ornery cuss.
00:24:42 Thank you, sheriff.
00:24:44 Uh, marshal.
00:24:45 Oh, sorry.
00:24:46 It's no sweat.
00:24:48 Gimme five, partner.
00:24:52 That guy was a crummy wyatt earp.
00:24:55 He's wearing jogging shoes.
00:24:56 Oh, they used to, rusty.
00:24:57 Hey, knucklehead, set us up with four redeyes, will you?
00:25:02 Hey, yellowbelly, I'm talking to you.
00:25:08 move your chicken wings, turkey.
00:25:17 Clark, that's not nice.
00:25:19 It's all part of the act, hon.
00:25:22 hey, yellowbel-- clark!
00:25:28 I'm okay, I'm okay!
00:25:30 I'm all right. ha ha ha ha.
00:25:33 I don't think that's very funny.
00:25:34 A noise like that could impair the kids' hearing.
00:25:37 Aw, come on.
00:25:39 It was real. it looked real, didn't it?
00:25:41 Oh, hell, I thought it was a real gun.
00:25:42 Didn't it look real when I fell down, hon?
00:25:45 What?
00:25:46 Didn't that look real, sweetie? what?
00:25:48 Are you happy now, clark?
00:25:50 She's deaf.
00:25:50 Oh, what's the difference? it was fun, anyway.
00:25:53 Let's have a drink. what do you say?
00:25:55 Pardon me, sir?
00:25:58 Catherine said we just stay on 50.
00:26:00 Well, I was thinking about shooting over to 54 and zipping down to liberal.
00:26:05 What for? the house of mud.
00:26:07 What's the house of mud?
00:26:08 It's only the largest freestanding mud dwelling ever built, that's all.
00:26:12 You see, kids, the pioneers didn't have bricks, so they used mud.
00:26:15 They didn't use mud. they used sod, dad.
00:26:18 Right, audrey.
00:26:18 And when they ran out of sod, they used mud.
00:26:21 Clark, let's just skip the house of mud.
00:26:24 I think dodge city was enough for one day.
00:26:27 Besides, catherine and eddie are expecting us.
00:26:31 It's living history, ellen, but if you'd rather see your cousins, it's okay by me.
00:26:36 Personally, I'd rather see a pile of mud than eddie.
00:26:40 Knock it off!
00:26:41 What's going on?
00:26:42 Rusty's licking his hand and touching me with it.
00:26:44 Clark, tell rusty to behave himself.
00:26:47 Rusty, behave yourself.
00:26:48 Yeah, but audrey's eating peanut butter cups, and smiling when it's stuck all over her teeth.
00:26:52 Audrey, eat with your mouth closed.
00:26:54 No eating in the car, kids.
00:26:57 You stink.
00:26:58 Retard.
00:26:58 I'm trying to concentrate on the road.
00:27:09 ♪♪ I'm so excited ♪♪
00:27:12 ♪♪ I just can't hide it ♪♪
00:27:15 Ellen: Stop it, both of you.
00:27:16 ♪♪ I'm about to lose control, and I think I like it ♪♪
00:27:19 ♪♪ I'm so excited ♪♪
00:27:21 ♪♪ and I just can't hide it ♪♪
00:27:24 [ rusty and audrey arguing ] ♪♪ I know, I know, I know I want you ♪♪
00:27:28 I don't care who started it.
00:27:30 I don't want to hear a word out of either one of you.
00:27:35 ♪♪ Sweet memories will last a long, long time ♪♪
00:27:40 ♪♪ we'll have a good time, baby ♪♪
00:27:42 clark, you're doing 80 miles an hour.
00:27:44 Doesn't seem like it, does it, honey?
00:27:46 Slow down!
00:27:48 I don't know why. we're making good time.
00:27:54 ♪♪ Love for sale ♪♪
00:27:57 ♪♪ appetizing yummy love for sale ♪♪
00:32:44 they're here!
00:32:46 Oh, they're here! eddie, come on!
00:32:49 I can't believe it.
00:32:50 I never thought we'd get here.
00:32:53 You look great!
00:32:54 Eddie, get down here. oh, my gosh.
00:32:58 Ellen, how are ya?
00:33:00 Good to see you.
00:33:01 Rusty and audrey, come and meet your second cousins.
00:33:05 Look how they've grown.
00:33:06 And you have lost weight, catherine.
00:33:07 added a few more mouths to the litter.
00:33:11 uh, rusty and audrey, cousins vicki and dale.
00:33:17 Hi.
00:33:17 , and this is junior, and this little moppet at my skirt is daisy mabel.
00:33:23 Well, how old are you, little one?
00:33:25 Oh, she was born without a tongue, clark.
00:33:28 But don't you worry about her, she whistles like a bird and eats like a horse.
00:33:33 Kids, why don't you take the little guests out back and show them your worm farm, huh?
00:33:38 Go on. scoot.
00:33:39 Ellen, come on in the house.
00:33:42 I got so much to tell you.
00:33:44 Yeah. whoo, boy! look at that car.
00:33:48 Yeah.
00:33:49 That's the family truckster.
00:33:51 Boy, she's a beaut.
00:33:53 I like those green walls.
00:33:54 Oh, we had a little trouble in st. louis.
00:33:57 ..fit.
00:34:04 This is the old homestead, huh?
00:34:06 [ Rooster crows ] yeah.
00:34:09 I don't know for how long, though.
00:34:12 Bank's been after me like flies on a rib roast.
00:34:15 Yeah, I know the feeling.
00:34:18 Ah, hell with it.
00:34:24 Yeah, I'll bet you could use a cool one, huh?
00:34:27 Now you're talking.
00:34:38 I'm going steady.
00:34:39 And I french kiss.
00:34:41 So? everybody does that.
00:34:43 Yeah, but my science teacher says I'm the best at it.
00:34:50 Want a worm?
00:34:52 No, thanks.
00:34:53 Hey, you got pac-man?
00:34:56 No.
00:34:58 You got space invaders?
00:35:01 Nope.
00:35:03 You got asteroids?
00:35:04 Naw, but my dad does.
00:35:05 Can't even sit on the toilet some days.
00:35:11 So, what do you do here, dale?
00:35:14 Well, I got a stack of nudie books this high.
00:35:18 I guess we're 11, aren't we?
00:35:21 Uh, no, we're 12 with aunt edna.
00:35:24 Aunt edna?
00:35:25 She's still alive?
00:35:27 Oh, you bet.
00:35:27 I can't wait to see the look on clark's face when he hears that.
00:35:31 Oh, well, she came to help out when eddie ruptured his spleen, and she's been with us ever since.
00:35:36 She wanted to go back to phoenix a year ago, but eddie wouldn't let her.
00:35:41 Well, frankly, without her social security, we'd never be able to live like this.
00:35:48 Gee, cath, looks like you've really got your hands full.
00:35:52 Oh, it's not so bad.
00:35:54 Eddie says after the baby comes, I can't quit one of my night jobs.
00:36:03 How do you like yours, clark?
00:36:05 Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.
00:36:08 No, your bun. light or dark?
00:36:10 Oh, uh, either way. it doesn't matter.
00:36:13 Vicki, can I help you with that kool-aid?
00:36:16 Please?
00:36:18 Mmm, mmm, mmm.
00:36:19 I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper.
00:36:22 It does just fine by itself, huh?
00:36:24 Uh, I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, clark?
00:36:28 You're the gourmet around here, ed.
00:36:36 No meat in this?
00:36:36 You get plenty of meat at home.
00:36:38 Be polite. have some ketchup.
00:36:45 Real tomato ketchup, eddie?
00:36:47 Oh, nothing but the best.
00:36:49 Ha ha ha ha. aunt edna!
00:36:51 Helper's getting cold!
00:36:55 Is that your aunt edna?
00:37:06 Aunt edna.
00:37:06 After all these years, you're looking so good.
00:37:14 Oh, hi, edna. nice to see you again.
00:37:16 You remember clark, don't you?
00:37:21 You were the ones that sent me the fruitcake for christmas.
00:37:25 It made me so sick.
00:37:28 Oh, I'm sorry.
00:37:29 We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.
00:37:31 You enjoy throwing up every five minutes, clod?
00:37:34 Clark.
00:37:35 I thought so.
00:37:37 well, am I going to eat, or am I going to starve to death?
00:37:45 Catherine, did you tell clark and ellen the good news?
00:37:49 Uh, no, I was just about to.
00:37:51 Catherine, what's the good news?
00:37:54 You're driving me to phoenix!
00:38:01 Yep.
00:38:04 I'm real glad that things are going good for you, clark.
00:38:11 Mm-hmm.
00:38:12 Now, I got, uh, laid off when they closed that asbestos factory.
00:38:17 And now, wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension 'cause they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.
00:38:28 Uh, eddie, clark and ellen don't want to hear about our troubles.
00:38:33 No, no, it's very interesting.
00:38:34 Why don't you just ask him for the money, eddie?
00:38:37 He sure as hell can't take a hint.
00:38:39 Well, I didn't want to ask you, clark, you know, but could you maybe spare a little, you know, extra cash?
00:38:48 Sure, eddie.
00:38:54 How much do you need?
00:38:56 About $52,000.
00:39:01 Goodbye, baby.
00:39:03 Now, you'll send those checks?
00:39:06 All taken care of.
00:39:07 Okay, let's go. come on, edna.
00:39:10 Lay off, lay off.
00:39:12 Well, got to be going.
00:39:14 What's this?
00:39:15 This is for you, clark.
00:39:17 Oh, what is it?
00:39:18 A gift.
00:39:19 Oh, you didn't have to buy me a gift, eddie.
00:39:22 Oh, go on, open it.
00:39:24 All right.
00:39:25 What the hey.
00:39:26 ..eddie, you shouldn't have.
00:39:28 You really shouldn't have.
00:39:30 Rusty: Oh, those are great, dad.
00:39:32 Quiet down, russ.
00:39:34 Eddie: Try 'em on.
00:39:35 No, no, I don't want to get them dirty.
00:39:36 I told you he wouldn't like 'em, eddie!
00:39:38 I love 'em, eddie.
00:39:40 I knew you did, because the last time I saw you, clark, you remarked about how much you liked mine.
00:39:45 Well, I guess we'd better be going now.
00:39:48 Bye-bye.
00:39:50 Bye, ed. bye, ellen.
00:39:51 Bye, clark.
00:39:52 It was great having you here.
00:39:54 Here he is, uncle clark.
00:39:55 All walked and everything.
00:39:57 What is this -- a dog?
00:39:58 He's aunt edna's. his name is dinky.
00:40:01 " oh, well, hi, how are you, little fella?
00:40:07 Easy.
00:40:07 Uh, yeah, you folks didn't get to meet dinky last night.
00:40:11 He had the runs so he slept in the barn.
00:40:15 Uh, well, great.
00:40:15 Well, better make some space for him in the back.
00:40:18 Come on. ow! ow! no, no, sit, sit!
00:40:21 Roll over, come on, heel!
00:40:22 Bye-bye, kids! bye, edna!
00:40:25 Bye-bye!
00:40:26 ♪♪ I found out long ago ♪♪
00:40:29 ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:40:31 ♪♪ it's a long way down holiday road ♪♪
00:41:51 things that might surprise you.
00:41:52 Like discovering thatCanada Dry Ginger Ale is made from real ginger.
00:41:57 ♪♪♪♪♪♪
00:41:59 It's a nice surprise.
00:42:01 Canada Dry Ginger Ale.
00:42:02 Real ginger, real taste.
00:43:32 >@@ thank you.
00:44:53 Audrey.
00:44:54 Oh, rusty, stop playing with the dog and come and have some lunch.
00:44:58 [ Snarling ] oh, clark, look. your favorite.
00:45:06 Baloney and cheese.
00:45:10 And what shall I have?
00:45:13 ..
00:45:28 ♪♪ I ♪♪
00:45:29 ♪♪ had some lonely nights ♪♪
00:45:32 ♪♪ I'll admit I've cried some ♪♪
00:45:36 ♪♪ since you were out of my life ♪♪
00:45:39 ♪♪
00:45:43 ♪♪ and you came back again ♪♪
00:45:46 ♪♪ I feel so inspired kissing your lips ♪♪
00:45:50 ♪♪ fire ♪♪
00:45:51 ♪♪ little boy sweet, little boy sweet ♪♪
00:45:54 ♪♪ sweet little boy of mine ♪♪
00:45:57 ♪♪ boy of mine ♪♪
00:45:58 ♪♪ I'm a little closer ♪♪
00:46:00 ♪♪ I want to show you ♪♪
00:46:03 ♪♪ what's on my mind ♪♪
00:46:04 ♪♪ here in the night, here in the night ♪♪
00:46:08 ♪♪ here in the night together ♪♪
00:46:11 ♪♪ night together ♪♪
00:46:13 ♪♪ I want to show you ♪♪
00:46:15 ♪♪ love so warm and tender ♪♪
00:46:19 mom, my sandwich is all wet.
00:46:21 They're all wet.
00:46:23 Oh, god, the dog wet on the picnic basket.
00:46:41 ♪♪ Jack be nimble, jack be quick ♪♪
00:46:44 ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:46:46 ♪♪ take a ride on a west coast kick ♪♪
00:46:49 ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:46:51 ♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:46:52 ♪♪
00:46:53 ♪♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:46:56 ♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:46:57 ♪♪
00:46:57 ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:47:01 ♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:47:02 ♪♪
00:47:02 ♪♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:47:05 ♪♪ holiday road ♪♪
00:47:07 ♪♪
00:47:07 ♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:47:16 russ, look.
00:47:17 Oh, excellent, they have a pool.
00:47:20 Aren't the woods beautiful?
00:47:23 Clark! dinkums needs a long walk and a bath.
00:47:27 Rusty, take care of dinkums.
00:47:30 Dad, he bites.
00:47:31 Bite him back.
00:47:43 [ Rings bell ] we'd like three tents for the night, please.
00:47:51 All right, that'll be $37.
00:47:53 $37 For three tents?
00:47:54 Oh, they're very nice tents.
00:47:56 And that price includes scenery and wildlife fun.
00:48:02 Oh, come on, clark, it seems like a nice place.
00:48:05 It's got a pool and everything.
00:48:07 All right.
00:48:11 Mm-hmm.
00:48:17 Clark w. griswold.
00:48:18 You want my street?
00:48:19 Please.
00:48:20 What do you need my address for?
00:48:22 We like to send out a mailer.
00:48:30 Too cheap to pay for a hotel room, huh?
00:48:35 Ew, clark, this tent smells.
00:48:38 [ Sniffs ] EDNA, THIS IS YOUR TENT.
00:48:41 [ Flies buzzing ] [ coughs ] spar-- sparky, this isn't very romantic.
00:48:58 Mm, isn't it?
00:48:59 You know, I don't think there's enough room for two in this sleeping bag.
00:49:03 Oh, honey, right now we're one.
00:49:06 One heart beating for two.
00:49:09 Oh, sparky.
00:49:10 [ Dinky growling ] [ coughs ] [ Gasping ] SPARKY.
00:49:15 Sparky, wild animal.
00:49:17 Yeah, I know.
00:49:18 No, wild animal.
00:49:19 I'm gonna go for it, honey.
00:49:21 No.
00:49:23 [ Bites ] ow! get off!
00:49:26 Down! no! bad dog!
00:49:27 I'm sorry, honey. it's dinky.
00:49:29 Ow! you smelly mutt!
00:49:32 [ Growling ] I'll kill that dog.
00:49:36 Oh. sorry.
00:49:39 [ Grunts ] ahh.
00:49:44 Ahh.
00:49:45 ..what do you say, honey?
00:49:48 In spite of all the little problems, it really is fun, isn't it?
00:49:52 No.
00:49:53 But with every new day, there's fresh hope.
00:49:58 Hey, kids, let's go!
00:50:00 We're losing daylight here.
00:50:03 Hey. did you walk him?
00:50:04 he took a big one right on aunt edna's blanket.
00:50:07 [ barks ] [ edna yells ] oh, boy, better take care of aunt edna.
00:50:12 I'll take the leash.
00:50:14 Uh-oh, uh-oh.
00:50:17 Roll over. ow!
00:50:20 Dinky.
00:50:21 Ow! you're tearing my flesh!
00:50:24 Good morning, edna. ah! no, dinky!
00:50:26 Sit, roll over.
00:50:28 Ow, ow, ow! dinky!
00:50:31 Hey, hey, hey, easy, kids.
00:50:32 Come on, cut it out. everybody in the car.
00:50:35 The boat leaves in two minutes.
00:50:37 Or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away.
00:50:44 Ha ha ha ha.
00:50:49 Sweetie, do you hear that rattle?
00:50:51 Mm-hmm. where is it coming from?
00:50:53 Beats the heck out of me.
00:50:54 I've been looking for it ever since we left.
00:50:57 It's driving me crazy.
00:50:58 God, dad, check it out, behind you.
00:51:01 Oh, shoot. now what have we done?
00:51:04 [ Siren wailing ] will you hold my purse?
00:51:07 Huh?
00:51:08 Just hold my purse.
00:51:28 Hello, officer. what's the problem?
00:51:33 Get out of the car.
00:51:40 I don't think I was speeding.
00:51:41 Was I weaving or something?
00:51:43 Shut your mouth, sir.
00:51:45 You know, if I wasn't in uniform, I'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver " well, officer, whatever it is I've done, I'm sure I can explain.
00:52:00 Explain this, you sadistic bum.
00:52:03 Oh, my god.
00:52:04 Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state?
00:52:10 No, sir, I don't.
00:52:12 ..
00:52:13 It's probably pretty stiff.
00:52:16 Oh, you can't think I'd do this on purpose, sir.
00:52:19 Look, i-i tied him to the rear bumper when I was packing the car.
00:52:23 It was very confusing. I must have forgot.
00:52:23 I -- I'm very sorry. I feel terrible.
00:52:30 How do you think that little dog feels?
00:52:37 Look, I told you I was sorry.
00:52:38 It really was an accident.
00:52:43 Yeah.
00:52:43 Well, I guess I can buy that, sir, but it is a shame.
00:52:47 I had a pooch like this one when I was a kid.
00:52:53 Poor little guy.
00:52:54 Probably kept up with you for a mile or so.
00:52:58 Tough little mutt.
00:53:00 Tough.
00:53:01 Yep.
00:53:02 Yeah.
00:53:09 Edna: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, clark.
00:53:12 You've been exceeding the speed limit for thousands of miles.
00:53:16 Dad wasn't speeding.
00:53:17 The cop stopped us because dad forgot to -- he was speeding, rusty.
00:53:20 No, he wasn't, mom.
00:53:21 Russ, listen to your mother. I was speeding.
00:53:24 I was driving like a maniac.
00:53:25 We can all be grateful to this man for stopping us.
00:53:28 You see, kids, a car -- here's the leash, sir.
00:53:30 I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass off the road.
00:53:33 Thank you, officer. have a nice day.
00:56:16 [ Snoring ] ♪♪ I'm so excited ♪♪
00:56:23 ♪♪ and I just can't hide it ♪♪
00:56:25 ♪♪ no, no ♪♪
00:56:26 ♪♪ I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want you ♪♪
00:56:30 ♪♪ I want you ♪♪
00:56:32 ♪♪ ooh ♪♪
00:56:49 ♪♪ ooh, boy, I want to love you ♪♪
00:56:53 ♪♪ feel you, wrap myself around you ♪♪
00:56:56 ♪♪ I want to squeeze you ♪♪
00:56:58 ♪♪ please you ♪♪
00:56:59 ♪♪ I just can't get enough ♪♪
00:57:00 ♪♪ and if you move real slow ♪♪
00:57:03 [ truck horn honking ] what happened?
00:57:22 What happened to your hair?
00:57:25 You're sweating. are you blushing?
00:57:28 Don't be silly.
00:57:30 Are you all right, clark?
00:57:31 Hell, yes, I'm fine. I'm having a ball.
00:57:38 Ah.
00:57:40 Come on, honey, look at the mountains. breathe the air.
00:57:44 [ Inhales deeply ] put on a happy face for me.
00:57:51 ..
00:57:52 I guess there's not much more that could happen to us.
00:57:56 Yeah, I think the worst is behind us.
00:58:06 Clark, I need my vanity case.
00:58:09 We've got to go back and look for it.
00:58:11 All my credit cards are in it.
00:58:13 Honey, number one, I've already called the bank and told them you lost them.
00:58:16 "B," there's no way we're going to find it when we don't even know where it fell off.
00:58:20 And three, I've got my credit cards, and we've still got plenty of cash, okay?
00:58:24 No, we don't.
00:58:25 You gave $500 to eddie, and everything on this safari has cost twice as much as you figured out.
00:58:30 Honey, there's nothing in that luggage that can't be replaced except for your birth control pills.
00:58:34 Besides, we can always cash a check down the road.
00:58:38 Don't you trust me?
00:58:39 As long as you don't tie me to the rear bumper.
00:58:46 That hurt, ellen.
00:58:47 Clark, I think we're lost.
00:58:50 We're not lost.
00:58:51 Ellen, will you please let me do the driving?
00:58:54 I honestly don't think you're going to find the grand canyon on this road.
00:58:57 Ellen, it's only the biggest damn hole in the world.
00:59:00 Edna: Clark, watch your language!
00:59:03 Make that the second biggest.
00:59:04 Dad, I haven't seen a car for an hour.
00:59:07 Oh, shut up, audrey.
00:59:08 You don't think dad knows where he's going?
00:59:10 Thank you, russ.
00:59:11 You're lost.
00:59:14 Ma, I saw some detour signs.
00:59:16 I didn't see any.
00:59:17 I saw them when you and mom were trying to fold the map.
00:59:20 Audrey, when they close a road, they put up big signs like this one.
00:59:24 [ All scream ] [ tires pop ] [ moaning ] I think I broke my nose.
00:59:47 I stabbed my brain.
00:59:48 I have to go to the bathroom.
00:59:50 I better check under the hood.
01:00:04 Audrey, gather up all the clothes and put them in a pile.
01:00:08 Rusty, find the first aid kit, then get the suitcases and bring them here.
01:00:10 Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
01:00:13 Find a bush, audrey.
01:00:17 Gee, dad, you must have jumped this thing about 50 yards.
01:00:20 Ah, that's nothing to be proud of, rusty.
01:00:24 50 Yards.
01:00:26 Ellen, ellen, get me out of here!
01:00:29 Stay in the car.
01:00:30 It's hot and dangerous out here.
01:00:32 I'll do what I want.
01:00:35 I should never have come on this trip with you.
01:00:38 I should have taken an airplane, and he -- he shouldn't even have a license to drive an automobile.
01:00:44 He should be behind bars.
01:00:47 Sit down and shut up.
01:00:56 Move out of that seat, and I'll split your lip.
01:01:07 Rusty, come on up here.
01:01:09 Hello, russ.
01:01:10 I'm going to have to hike down the road a bit I want you to stay here and take care of things, russ.
01:01:16 Um, you'll be okay, dad?
01:01:18 Oh, sure, sure, sure.
01:01:21 You know, I haven't had much of a chance to talk to you man-to-man, russ.
01:01:25 Well, I've only been a man a few days, dad.
01:01:27 Yeah.
01:01:29 You're growing up so damn fast.
01:01:32 I spent the last 15 years of my life developing newer and better food additives.
01:01:38 I guess I've missed an awful lot.
01:01:41 At first, I didn't want to take this vacation, but now I'm glad I did.
01:01:46 It's given me a chance to spend a lot more time ..
01:01:52 Audrey.
01:01:53 Audrey, yeah.
01:01:54 [ Sighs ] you know, it's been real fun for me, too, dad. really.
01:01:59 Well, except for aunt edna.
01:02:00 Oh, she doesn't mean to be a pain in the rump.
01:02:03 It's just the way she is.
01:02:04 Let's not let it spoil our fun, huh?
01:02:07 I won't.
01:02:08 You know, maybe she'd be a nicer person if she had a family of her own.
01:02:12 You know, instead of always having to glom on to someone else's.
01:02:16 You're a pretty bright little guy -- excuse me -- man.
01:02:24 [ Sobs ] it's okay, dad.
01:02:28 You know what I want to do?
01:02:33 When I was your age, my dad shared a beer with me, and I thought it was about the best thing in the world.
01:02:48 Yeah, when I was a boy, just about every summer, we'd take a vacation.
01:02:54 And, you know, in 18 years, we never had fun.
01:02:58 But now I have my own family.
01:03:00 And, well, we're on our own vacation.
01:03:03 And you know something, russ?
01:03:05 What, dad?
01:03:06 We're going to have fun.
01:03:09 [ Burps ] we're going to have fun.
01:03:15 [ Stifled burp ] hey, don't let your mother smell that beer on your breath.
01:03:19 She'll take it out on me.
01:03:22 Well, I better get a move on if I want to get us out of here by dark.
01:03:26 Right.
01:03:29 Good talk, son.
01:03:30 Good talk, dad.
01:03:32 Clark?
01:03:38 I just had a good talk with rusty.
01:03:40 You'll be in good hands here, honey.
01:03:44 Where are you going?
01:03:45 Well, there's got to be a phone or a gas station around here somewhere, honey.
01:03:50 Well, all right, ..
01:03:52 I'll be fine. you'll be fine.
01:03:53 I'm sure this sort of thing happens all the time.
01:03:56 A patrol car will be by any minute.
01:03:59 ♪♪ Over the river and through the woods ♪♪
01:04:00 ♪♪ to grandmother's house we go -- ho ♪♪
01:06:39 ♪♪
01:06:40 ♪♪ the trampling of feet, I love every beat ♪♪
01:06:43 ♪♪ I hear of a drum ♪♪
01:06:46 ♪♪ I love a parade ♪♪
01:06:48 ♪♪ I hear a band, I just want to stand ♪♪
01:06:50 ♪♪ and cheer as they come ♪♪
01:06:57 we pass a damn gas station every 100 yards for 1,000 miles, but when you really need one -- this is no way to run a desert!
01:07:05 Oh, jeez, I'm going to die! that's it!
01:07:09 What an idiot.
01:07:16 Taxi! taxi! taxi!
01:07:18 I'm dead. I'm dead.
01:07:21 Taxi.
01:07:22 Here, boy.
01:07:23 The heat. I'm dying. I'm dead. I'm finished.
01:07:28 Oh, hot, hot.
01:07:30 [ Groaning ] mommy?
01:07:39 Hello. hi! hi! how are you?
01:07:41 Hello! hello! hey!
01:07:45 Ellen: I'm not sure of his exact height and weight.
01:07:47 All I know is the man was a saint with children and a genius with food additives, and he was -- clark!
01:07:54 Aah!
01:07:55 Aah!
01:07:56 I'm so happy!
01:07:58 Russ! russ! russ!
01:08:01 Audrey! audrey!
01:08:04 God, have you grown?
01:08:06 Are you all right, clark?
01:08:07 I feel fine. what happened to you?
01:08:09 Where did -- how'd you get here?
01:08:10 Well, these two nice indians and a man on a camel called us a tow truck. daddy's back.
01:08:15 A camel?
01:08:17 Hey, kids, are you thirsty?
01:08:19 Yeah. I bet you are, too.
01:08:20 You said it.
01:08:22 [ Horn honks ] okay.
01:08:41 What do I owe you?
01:08:42 Never heard of no one so stupid as you driving off that road.
01:08:47 You must have got manure for your brains.
01:08:50 ..
01:08:53 What's the bill?
01:08:54 [ Chuckles ] "WHAT'S THE BILL?" Come on, come on, come on. how much?
01:09:00 How much you got?
01:09:01 No, no, I'm asking how much the repairs are.
01:09:03 And I'm asking you how much you got.
01:09:08 You're out of your mind.
01:09:09 Look, I don't have time to play around, okay?
01:09:12 So how much is it?
01:09:13 All of it, boy.
01:09:16 What does your sheriff think of your business practices?
01:09:19 [ Both laughing ] audrey, honey, how much babysitting money do you have?
01:09:44 How come?
01:09:45 How much?
01:09:46 What's the matter? oh, nothing.
01:09:47 I just spent $500 on four bald tires and a tow.
01:09:51 How much do you have, audrey?
01:09:53 $35.
01:09:55 She has $40, dad.
01:09:57 How would you know unless you went in my purse, you rotten sneak?
01:09:59 Rusty, have you been going through her private property?
01:10:02 I don't care who went through what.
01:10:05 We need money.
01:10:07 Edna, how much money do you have?
01:10:09 She's asleep, clark.
01:10:11 Russ, want to look through edna's purse?
01:10:14 Clark.
01:10:21 Unzip it, russ.
01:10:26 She has 11 cents, dad.
01:10:28 Terrific.
01:10:29 The motel will cash your check.
01:10:30 Well, they better, or we're going to run out of gas.
01:10:37 I'm sorry, sir.
01:10:39 I can't accept this credit card.
01:10:42 Why not?
01:10:42 The computer says it's been reported lost.
01:10:45 Oh, no, no, no.
01:10:46 You see, my wife lost her cards in colorado, and I had to report it, and the computer's probably saying that i lost mine, which, obviously, I haven't.
01:10:53 Well, you'll have to straighten that out with your bank.
01:10:55 Would you take a personal check?
01:10:57 For how much?
01:10:59 $300.
01:11:00 I can't do that, sir.
01:11:01 Look, I've lost all my cash, ..
01:11:04 Walley world?
01:11:05 Yeah. walley world.
01:11:06 And I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place, you know? I'd really appreciate it.
01:11:11 Not without a major credit card.
01:11:14 13 to my name, so I can see we're going to have to work something out here between us.
01:11:22 Look, I've already told you, I can't accept a check without a major credit card.
01:11:25 I'm making this out for $1,000.
01:11:27 All you have to do is give me $300 in cash and keep $700, all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep.
01:11:36 The only thing I can do is have you stay here until the check clears -- 10 working days.
01:11:43 [ Telephone rings ] okay, let's go. come on.
01:12:11 Where's edna? she's in the car.
01:12:13 come on, kids, get your butts in the car. go.
01:12:15 Don't you want to look at the grand canyon?
01:12:20 Great. let's go.
01:12:31 Rusty, up and at 'em.
01:12:34 What?
01:12:35 Crack open those sandwiches I got at the gas station.
01:12:37 I'm so hungry I could eat a sandwich from a gas station.
01:12:41 [ Laughs ] there's one for everyone.
01:12:44 Oh, audrey, wake up aunt edna.
01:12:46 It's time for her to eat and take her pill.
01:12:48 Please get off me.
01:12:50 Mom, tell audrey to quit pushing aunt edna on me.
01:12:53 I'm sick of her lying on me all the time.
01:12:56 Be quiet.
01:12:58 Eddie.
01:12:59 Honey, it's only a few hours to phoenix.
01:13:01 Let her be. she's fine.
01:13:03 She's not fine.
01:13:04 She's fine. don't be silly.
01:13:07 She's not fine, clark.
01:13:09 She's dead.
01:13:11 [ Tires squeal ] ew!
01:13:18 a dead person breathed on me!
01:13:21 Her hand touched me! she's stiff already!
01:13:35 Damn it anyway.
01:13:45 She must have passed away somewhere near flagstaff.
01:13:49 What are we going to do, clark?
01:13:55 Well, we could leave her here and the first phone we pass, we could call your cousin normie, and he could come and get her, I guess.
01:14:00 That's the meanest, coldest -- well, what do you want me to do, call federal express?
01:14:03 Mom, we don't have to ride with a dead person, do we?
01:14:06 Please say we don't.
01:14:08 Yeah, come on, mom.
01:14:08 It'd be real easy for cousin normie to find her.
01:14:10 All he'd have to do is look for the buzzards.
01:14:12 Aw, hell, then we'll drive her to cousin normie's, for pete's sake.
01:14:16 I just didn't want to get caught up in a funeral, an inquest, and all that crap.
01:14:19 You are the most self-centered, egotistical, manipulative -- don't say anything you'll regret, ellen.
01:14:27 if we drove straight through, we'd have three days at walley world at best.
01:14:30 Three.
01:14:35 She can't weigh more than 100 pounds.
01:14:39 Oh, no.
01:14:39 You can't put her up on that roof.
01:14:41 Yes, he can.
01:14:42 You want me to strap her to the hood?
01:14:44 What's the difference? she'll be fine.
01:14:46 It's not as if it's going to rain or something.
01:18:41 [ Thunder crashes ] this is terrible.
01:19:03 Ugh, what a nightmare.
01:19:19 [ Doorbell rings ] don't just blurt it out about edna dying.
01:19:24 How about if I ask them to play 20 questions?
01:19:29 [ Doorbell rings ] he isn't even home.
01:19:36 Maybe the neighbors know where he is.
01:19:38 The moron knows we're coming, and he isn't home.
01:19:40 Normie's always been flighty.
01:19:42 He's always been a horse's ass.
01:19:44 You watch your mouth.
01:19:45 Here's a note.
01:19:47 " jeez, what a worm.
01:20:11 Oh!
01:20:13 Darn it.
01:20:14 It's locked.
01:20:20 Okay, let's go.
01:20:21 We can't leave her on the patio.
01:20:24 Would you rather I slipped her into the night deposit box at the funeral home? come on.
01:20:28 It's raining all over her.
01:20:30 She can't catch a cold now, mom.
01:20:34 Clark, we have to at least say something.
01:20:37 Okay, bow your heads, bow your heads.
01:20:40 Oh, god, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great despair.
01:20:46 Yea, admit this good and decent woman into thine arms and the flock and thine heavenly area up there.
01:20:53 Though the hindus speak of karma, clark.
01:20:55 I implore you, give her -- give her a break.
01:20:58 I'll do it myself.
01:21:02 Honey, I'm not an ordained minister.
01:21:04 I'm doing my best, okay?
01:21:05 Lord, we love this woman with all our hearts.
01:21:10 Let's not overdo it, mom.
01:21:12 Shut up.
01:21:13 We know she deserves better than this, but my husband wants his beloved family to get to walley world to have their vacation.
01:21:21 have mercy on his soul.
01:21:24 Amen. let's go.
01:21:26 Come on.
01:21:26 I hope at least you kids have learned something about life and death.
01:21:29 Yeah, don't die unless somebody's home.
01:21:33 Well, I think normie will understand when he sees the note we pinned on edna's sleeve.
01:21:37 you left his dead mother tied to a lawn chair in his backyard.
01:21:42 I'm sure he won't mind.
01:21:44 Look, it's all over and done with.
01:21:46 We'll find a place to stay for the night, it's fine.
01:21:49 I don't want to be in the car anymore.
01:21:51 I want to go home.
01:21:52 I don't want to go to walley world.
01:21:54 Clark, under the circumstances, I wouldn't mind if we just went home.
01:21:57 In retrospect, it seems like a pretty bad idea driving out.
01:22:00 It's been one disaster after another.
01:22:02 Yeah, it's been a real drag, dad.
01:22:05 Maybe we can try it some other time.
01:22:07 Walley world's overrated anyway.
01:22:11 What do you think?
01:22:12 [ Tires squeal ] I think you're all out of your minds.
01:22:16 We're 10 hours from the fun park, and you want to bail out.
01:22:19 I'll tell you something -- this is no longer a vacation.
01:22:22 It's a quest. it's a quest for fun.
01:22:23 I'm going to have fun, and you're going to have fun.
01:22:26 We're all going to have so much damn fun, it'll take plastic surgery to remove our smiles from our faces.
01:22:31 You'll be whistling "zip-a-dee-do-dah" ..
01:22:34 I got to be crazy.
01:22:35 I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose.
01:22:37 Ha ha!
01:22:39 Praise marty moose!
01:22:41 Dad, you want an aspirin or something?
01:22:44 Don't touch!
01:22:59 The next time you have one of your outbursts, I'd appreciate it if you'd have some consideration for your kids.
01:23:04 What are you talking about?
01:23:06 You don't know?
01:23:07 All I know is I'm trying to treat my family to a little fun.
01:23:10 Oh, spare me, clark.
01:23:11 I know your brand of family fun.
01:23:12 Tomorrow, you'll probably kill the desk clerk, HOLD UP a McDonald's, and drive us 1,000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest ball of mud.
01:23:19 You know what your problem is, ellen?
01:23:23 You have an uncanny knack for looking at the dark side of things. that's your problem.
01:23:28 You wouldn't know a good time if it came up and bit you.
01:23:31 Where are you going?
01:23:32 What do you care?
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01:26:25 [ Jazz music playing ] aah!
01:27:08 Waiting for someone?
01:27:12 No.
01:27:13 Do you mind if I sit down?
01:27:16 Ha ha.
01:27:17 Fancy seeing you here.
01:27:19 Having a nice little family vacation?
01:27:23 Hmm?
01:27:24 OH. [ Chuckles ] It would appear so, wouldn't it?
01:27:29 No, no, no.
01:27:30 The truth of it is -- and this is highly confidential -- I own this motel.
01:27:36 Yeah.
01:27:37 I own the whole chain nationwide.
01:27:39 2,200 Units.
01:27:42 Yeah, once a year, I travel across the country incognito, you know?
01:27:45 Check things out, see how the operation's running.
01:27:47 Well, I thought you were going to say you work for the cia.
01:27:51 [ Laughs ] that's an old bit, huh?
01:27:55 Really.
01:27:56 Oh, no.
01:27:57 No, I'm not with the cia.
01:27:59 I was, but that was a long time ago.
01:28:01 I don't like to talk about it, really.
01:28:04 ..
01:28:08 And my airline.
01:28:09 That's great.
01:28:10 Yeah, well, I'm just trying to have a little fun.
01:28:13 It's too bad you're married.
01:28:15 I'm in the mood for some fun.
01:28:18 Married?
01:28:19 Oh, you mean those people I'm with?
01:28:22 No, that's my brother's family.
01:28:24 My brother's ring.
01:28:25 No, I usually borrow them on these little inspection tours of mine.
01:28:30 It sort of helps to complete the disguise.
01:28:33 It's fun for them.
01:28:34 It's a good disguise.
01:28:35 I like the station wagon effect.
01:28:37 Yeah, well, that's -- that's a big part of it.
01:28:40 You know, in order to be convincing, you have to look and act like an ordinary jerk.
01:28:47 You know, stop at all the stupid sites and look like a fool.
01:28:52 Basically be yourself.
01:28:55 Yeah.
01:28:56 So you like the disguise?
01:29:01 Yeah, my credo is -- if you have to have a credo -- you know, go for it, pretty much.
01:29:09 You only go around this crazy merry-go-round once, you know?
01:29:14 I agree.
01:29:15 Yeah.
01:29:21 Yeah, that's my credo.
01:29:27 ..
01:29:31 ..
01:29:33 From heaven.
01:29:35 My favorite credo, ..
01:29:38 Ha ha.
01:29:41 ..
01:29:43 ..
01:29:46 Thank you.
01:29:47 [ Splash ] wow, this feels great.
01:29:55 Well?
01:29:57 Are you going to go for it?
01:29:59 Uh, here?
01:30:01 For starters, sure.
01:30:04 Why not?
01:30:05 Don't you swim?
01:30:07 Oh, sure, yeah.
01:30:08 ..
01:30:11 ..
01:30:14 Yeah, yeah. I swim. heck.
01:30:16 ..
01:30:17 Feel completely at ease in the water.
01:30:20 ..
01:30:21 I'm proficient in many strokes, and I dive, as a matter of fact.
01:30:25 I could have been in the olympics.
01:30:28 ..
01:30:29 Yeah.
01:30:30 Yeah, I'll be right there.
01:30:33 Yeah.
01:30:35 This is crazy. this is crazy. this is crazy.
01:30:39 Whew.
01:30:40 How's the water?
01:30:41 Exhilarating.
01:30:43 I'm in deep.
01:30:45 I'm in deep.
01:30:50 Aah! cold! cold! aah!
01:30:54 Aah!
01:30:55 Clark?
01:30:56 Cold!
01:30:59 Jeez, this is -- aah!
01:31:08 Clark?
01:31:09 Hi, honey.
01:31:11 What are you doing?
01:31:13 Uh, swimming.
01:31:14 ..
01:31:16 ..
01:31:17 I-i thought, you know, a good, hot swim, loosen up the muscles.
01:31:20 Why go to the car to get the bathing suit?
01:31:23 Jump right in.
01:31:24 It's -- it's exhilarating.
01:31:26 this person here was, ..
01:31:29 ..
01:31:31 ..
01:31:33 I screamed. you know, that's why I yelled.
01:31:35 I was so surprised.
01:31:37 You can imagine, can't you, honey?
01:31:43 Honey?
01:31:44 [ Door closes ] ..
01:31:57 Can you excuse me?
01:31:59 If you have to go.
01:32:00 Well, I'd stay if I weren't married, but I am.
01:32:04 I know.
01:32:05 I hope I didn't spoil your evening.
01:32:08 No, it's been interesting.
01:32:11 Well, enjoy the rest of your trip.
01:32:14 You, too.
01:32:23 I can't believe this.
01:32:26 I am so humiliated.
01:32:29 How can he do this to mom?
01:32:32 They'll probably get a divorce.
01:32:34 Better go talk to him.
01:32:41 Hey, sport.
01:32:42 Hey, dad.
01:32:43 What are you doing up?
01:32:44 You woke the whole motel up, dad.
01:32:48 Oh. ha ha ha.
01:32:50 I was, uh, swimming.
01:32:52 Yeah, I saw you.
01:32:55 Russ, come here a minute.
01:32:59 Russ, you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt your mom.
01:33:05 ..
01:33:09 Jeez, I work -- I work very hard for you and audrey and your mom.
01:33:16 I guess when you get older, you get these feelings, and these feelings make you do things you wouldn't normally do.
01:33:25 Like swimming naked with girls?
01:33:27 Yeah, like swimming naked with girls.
01:33:29 With -- well, not with girls.
01:33:30 You think I was swimming with girls?
01:33:32 Well, just one girl. I saw her -- that girl.
01:33:35 Oh, that -- that girl?
01:33:36 Oh, no, that's a waitress.
01:33:38 No, I was just ordering in.
01:33:40 She's a pool waitress.
01:33:41 I was ordering in some fish for you and audrey and mom.
01:33:45 She took your order?
01:33:47 She took my order, yeah.
01:33:49 Swimming waitress.
01:33:51 You understand, don't you, russ?
01:33:53 Sure. yeah, I understand.
01:33:56 You think mom will buy it?
01:34:00 Good talk, son.
01:34:02 Go to bed, russ.
01:34:04 Good night.
01:34:10 Ellen?
01:34:15 Ellen?
01:34:17 Honey?
01:34:21 Are you mad?
01:34:24 No.
01:34:26 Do you like that girl?
01:34:30 Is that what you want?
01:34:32 Oh, no. no, no, no, no.
01:34:34 How could I like a girl like that?
01:34:37 She's ugly.
01:34:40 I love you.
01:34:44 I'm sorry about everything.
01:34:45 I got angry because you were right and i knew it.
01:34:49 I was hurt, honey.
01:34:51 I'm sorry, too. it's not all your fault.
01:34:54 I'm going to try, too.
01:34:58 I know how to have fun, and I'm going to prove it.
01:35:04 Come on.
01:35:05 Ellen -- come on!
01:35:06 Ellen, what are we doing? come on.
01:35:07 Honey, you really don't have to prove anything to me.
01:35:10 Oh, come on, clark.
01:35:11 I want us to have some fun together.
01:35:14 Come on!
01:35:15 Ellen, please don't.
01:35:16 [ Splash ] aah!
01:35:20 [ Splash ] it's freezing!
01:35:46 [Music playing throughout] Clark: We're getting close.
01:39:47 everybody just take it easy.
01:39:49 Just take it easy. we're going to be there.
01:39:55 I know we're getting close. what is that?
01:39:58 What is that?
01:39:59 There it is.
01:40:00 " dad, wow!
01:40:04 Wow!
01:40:04 ♪♪ Walley world ♪♪
01:40:05 we made it, damn it, we made it.
01:40:09 Oh, the griswolds are one hell of a family, huh?
01:40:12 We made it.
01:40:13 I'm going to ride everything.
01:40:16 There it is!
01:40:16 now -- watch out, watch out.
01:40:22 [ Gasps ] it's beautiful.
01:40:26 It's just beautiful.
01:40:30 Oh, darling.
01:40:34 We made it.
01:40:35 You did it, clark.
01:40:37 Sparky.
01:40:38 I love you.
01:40:53 Ah.
01:40:55 First ones here. first ones here.
01:41:00 First ones here.
01:41:02 But we're so far away, clark.
01:41:04 Right, right.
01:41:05 And at the end of the day, when the lot's all full and everybody's fighting to get out of here, we'll be the first ones out, too, right?
01:41:11 Why?
01:41:13 Because we're the griswolds.
01:41:17 Ha!
01:41:18 Ha ha ha.
01:41:19 Come on, I'll race you.
01:41:20 [ Theme from "chariots of fire" playing ] sorry, folks.
01:42:17 We're closed for two weeks to clean and repair america's favorite family fun park.
01:42:23 Sorry!
01:42:23 [ Goofy laugh ] what?
01:42:27 [ Distorted ] SORRY, FOLKS...
01:42:29 Clark, what are you doing?
01:42:31 We watch his program.
01:42:33 We buy his toys. we go to his movies.
01:42:36 He owes us. doesn't he owe us, huh?
01:42:38 He owes the griswolds, right?
01:42:40 Clark, you're scaring me.
01:42:42 Don't be scared.
01:42:43 I just think somebody owes us an explanation, that's all.
01:42:46 Come on, come on, come on, come on.
01:42:48 Clark.
01:42:49 Just a minute.
01:42:55 [ Tires screech ] honey, you want to check the mileage for me, please?
01:43:11 Where are you going?
01:43:12 I'll be right back.
01:43:13 Just going to get some sporting goods.
01:43:15 [ Tires screeching, horns honking ] clark, will you listen to me?
01:43:29 Let's just find a hotel.
01:43:30 I'll call my parents.
01:43:31 we can fly home and forget this entire vacation ever happened.
01:43:35 Honey, honey, just relax, okay?
01:43:36 I told you, I'm not angry anymore.
01:43:38 I'm in complete control.
01:43:38 I'm sure they're not repairing every ride at the same time.
01:43:41 I think they owe us a little explanation.
01:43:43 I think they owe us a little fun, okay?
01:43:44 Whatever happens, just trust me.
01:43:46 Will you just trust me, huh, kids?
01:43:53 Sorry, folks. park's closed.
01:43:54 The moose out front should have told you.
01:43:56 Yes, we're here to see mr. roy walley.
01:43:59 What is your name, sir?
01:44:01 Clark w. griswold.
01:44:04 What's this regarding, mr. grizzle?
01:44:06 Uh, we're here for public relations -- summer inspection -- personal matter.
01:44:10 Ah.
01:44:11 Inspe well, nobody notified this office of, um, of anything.
01:44:19 Well, I'm notifying you.
01:44:21 I'm afraid I'm going to need a little more than that, sir.
01:44:24 Okey-dokey. how's this?
01:44:26 Ohh!
01:44:27 where did you get that?
01:44:30 now you listen to me.
01:44:32 Do what I say, and there won't be any problem, okay? okay.
01:44:35 We just drove 2,460 miles just for a little roy walley entertainment.
01:44:39 I say you're open.
01:44:41 We're not really violent people.
01:44:44 This is our first gun.
01:44:46 No, it isn't.
01:44:48 What's going on here?
01:44:50 You, freeze! freeze!
01:44:52 Sit! sit! come on!
01:44:54 Lie down. let's go. lie down!
01:44:58 Roll over.
01:45:00 Stay.
01:45:01 come on. stay.
01:45:12 Yahoo!
01:45:13 This is scary, isn't it?
01:45:14 You boys and girls make sure you keep your hands on the handlebars at all times.
01:45:18 We don't want any accidents.
01:45:20 Is that a real gun, mom?
01:45:21 I don't know, rusty, but when this is all over, your father may be going away for a little while.
01:45:28 Boy, I sure am bushed.
01:45:29 Have you had enough yet, sir?
01:45:31 What do you mean, bushed?
01:45:32 Where are the big rides -- the big ones?
01:45:40 The screamy mimi. let's go. get in the front.
01:45:44 Come on. come on, russ. huh?
01:45:48 Has your father ever killed anyone before?
01:45:51 Oh, just a dog. oh, and my aunt edna.
01:45:53 Hey, you can't prove that, rusty.
01:45:56 Ohh.
01:45:59 Rusty? may I call you rusty?
01:46:00 I had a bad experience on this ride once before.
01:46:04 What happened?
01:46:05 I threw up.
01:46:07 [ Track squeals ] no, don't do that again.
01:46:35 [ Screaming ] [ screaming ] goody, goody, goody, goody, the loop-the-loop.
01:51:21 Come on, get in there. let's go, huh, kids?
01:51:24 Come on. isn't this fun, honey?
01:51:26 Come on.
01:51:27 That's not a real gun, is it, clark?
01:51:30 What, are you kidding? this is a magnum p.i.
01:51:33 It's a bb gun.
01:51:34 I can put an eye out with this thing.
01:51:36 You couldn't even break the skin with that thing.
01:51:38 It could. it could. it could break the skin.
01:51:40 It could put a lodge under the skin and cause a very bad infection.
01:51:43 That's an old wives' tale, clark. I'm tellin'.
01:51:45 YOU'RE NOT GOING TO -- [ Gun clicks ] Ooh!
01:51:48 Clark.
01:51:49 You see? I told you. I warned you.
01:51:50 You wrecked these pants, you're paying for them.
01:51:53 I'll pay for them -- you pay for them!
01:51:56 What'd you shoot me for?
01:51:57 It's a bb gun. I told you it was a bb gun.
01:51:59 Well, it hurt, you know.
01:52:00 What do you want? what'd you shoot me for?
01:52:02 You tried to run away. I wasn't going anywhere.
01:52:04 Well, I thought you were.
01:52:05 Rusty: This is great, dad.
01:52:10 [ Screaming ] [ chattering ] freeze!
01:53:00 [ Gasp ] don't shoot!
01:53:05 You, out!
01:53:07 All right, hands behind your heads.
01:53:11 Spread your legs apart.
01:53:12 Up against the wall.
01:53:14 You two over there.
01:53:18 Just a bb gun.
01:53:20 You're all under arrest.
01:53:21 ..
01:53:24 Watch your hands, mister.
01:53:27 ...Be used against you in a court of law.
01:53:32 how many are there?
01:53:36 I don't know.
01:53:36 Whatever they want, we'll pay them, we'll pay them.
01:53:39 Tell me, what's going on?
01:53:40 Well, we've got it all under control, sir.
01:53:42 These people are terrorists. where?
01:53:44 !
01:53:45 Hello, mr. walley.
01:53:46 Mr. walley, he treated me like a dog, mr.
01:53:47 Walley.
01:53:48 He humiliated my human decency, this guy here.
01:53:49 What did he do with your dog?
01:53:51 walley, but I want to tell you, I had a great time on your rides.
01:53:53 It was the most fantastic time I've ever had in my life.
01:53:55 I like the part where I was really way up high there.
01:53:57 I'm glad you like it. now, what's happening?
01:53:59 It's roy walley, honey.
01:54:02 My name is russ lasky.
01:54:03 I met you at the summer picnic last year, and I just want to tell you -- I don't remember.
01:54:06 but i was the one who was sick.
01:54:08 walley, I went on all the rides, and, you know, I didn't even get sick this time.
01:54:12 Normally, I get sick on all your rides -- quiet!
01:54:16 Uh, mr. walley? roy?
01:54:19 Uh, I think I can make some sense out of this.
01:54:22 Well, somebody better explain, or there'll -- there'll be a lot of explaining to do.
01:54:28 Uh, I'm clark w. griswold.
01:54:30 Oh.
01:54:31 And, oh, this is my wife, ellen.
01:54:33 Hi. we're really big fans of yours.
01:54:35 We watch your show all the time.
01:54:37 And my children audrey and rusty.
01:54:40 Nice family.
01:54:41 Uh, we're from chicago, roy -- the windy city.
01:54:45 Oh, yes, I've been there many times, yes.
01:54:47 Yeah, we just spent two weeks of living hell driving out here, [ Voice cracking ] LOST A VERY DEAR MEMBER Of the family along the way.
01:54:59 But the important thing, roy, is that we could have gone anywhere we wanted to this summer, you know? anywhere in the world.
01:55:04 But when I asked my kids -- when I said -- kids, you remember when I said, "where would you like to go this summer " what'd you say?
01:55:12 Hawaii.
01:55:13 Shut up, russ. audrey, remember?
01:55:16 Uh, walley world, dad?
01:55:18 "Walley world, dad." roy, walley world.
01:55:20 I don't imagine you have any children, mr.
01:55:21 Walley.
01:55:24 Are you kidding? I have seven.
01:55:25 I thought so. seven. did you hear that, honey?
01:55:29 You look so young.
01:55:31 You do look very young.
01:55:32 ..
01:55:33 Did you ever drive them across country?
01:55:36 Oh, hell, yes.
01:55:36 Took the whole clan to florida one year -- worst two weeks I ever had in my life.
01:55:41 The smell from the back seat was unbearable.
01:55:44 Ooh. I know that smell. I know that smell.
01:55:47 ..
01:55:49 Can you imagine how your kids would have felt if when you got to florida, it was closed?
01:55:53 Oh, they don't close florida.
01:55:55 Oh, I know they don't close the state of florida, but, you know, when we got here to roy walley world, and it was closed down, roy, ..
01:56:06 I guess I just went a little haywire.
01:56:08 You went a lot haywire if you ask me.
01:56:10 Well, I'm very sorry, sir, and I'm sorry to all these people here.
01:56:13 I didn't mean any harm.
01:56:14 I just want you to ask yourself one thing.
01:56:16 If you were -- if you were me, wouldn't you do the same thing for your children?
01:56:23 No.
01:56:23 We're all finished here, mr. walley.
01:56:25 You want me to take them downtown and book them?
01:56:28 ..
01:56:31 No, no. forget it, officer.
01:56:33 I'm not going to press any charges.
01:56:35 Ohh!
01:56:40 Walley!
01:56:41 What'd I tell you? what'd I tell you?
01:56:42 Did I say "trust me," huh?
01:56:44 [ Laughs ] [ screaming ] ♪♪ we went dancin' ♪♪
01:56:52 ♪♪ 'cross the usa ♪♪

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