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Movie Date: June 19, 1998

We're under attack! Light the signal! - Light the fire now! - Light the signal! Now all of China knows you're here. Perfect. Your Majesty, the Huns have crossed our northern border. Impossible. No one can get through the Great Wall. Shan-Yu is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately. No. Send your troops to protect my people. - Chi Fu. - Yes, Your Highness? Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves and as many new recruits as possible. Forgive me, Your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him. I won't take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat. "Quiet and demure. "Graceful. Polite. "Delicate. Refined. Poised. Punctual." Ai-yah! Little Brother! Little Brother. Lit... Ah! There you are. Who's the smartest doggy in the world? Come on, smart boy. Can you help me with my chores today? Honorable ancestors, please help Mulan impress the matchmaker today. Please. Please help her. Father, I brought your... Whoa! - Mulan. - I brought a spare. The doctor said three cups of tea in the morning... - Mulan. ...and three at night. Mulan, you should already be in town. We are counting on you to uphold the family honor. Don't worry, Father. I won't let you down. - Wish me luck. - Hurry! I'm going to... pray some more. Fa Li, is your daughter here yet? The matchmaker is not a patient woman. Of all days to be late. I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck. How lucky can they be? They're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need. This is your chance to prove yourself. Grandma, no! Yep, this cricket's a lucky one! I'm here. What? But, Mama, I had to... None of your excuses. Now, let's get you cleaned up. It's freezing. It would have been warm if you were here on time. Mulan, what's this? Uh, notes. In case I forget something. Hold this. We'll need more luck than I thought. Huh? - Calm. - Obedient. There. You're ready. Not yet. An apple for serenity. A pendant for balance. "Fa Mulan." "Fa Mulan." - Present. - Speaking without permission. Oops. Who spit in her bean curd? Huh. Hmm. Mmm. Too skinny. Hmph! Not good for bearing sons. Recite the final admonition. Mm-hmm. Well? Fulfill your duties calmly and... respectfully. Um, reflect before you snack... Act! This shall bring you honor and glory. Hmm. This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity... ...and refinement. You must also be poised. Um, pardon me. And silent! Ahhh. Could I just take that back? One moment. Why, you clumsy... Whoo! Whoo! Aaah! Whoo! Aaah! I think it's going well, don't you? Put it out! Put it out! Put it out! You are a disgrace! You may look like a bride, but you will never bring your family honor! My, my. What beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look. This one's late. But I'll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all. What is it? Mulan. Stay inside. Citizens, I bring a proclamation from the imperial city. The Huns have invaded China. By order of the emperor, one man from every family must serve in the Imperial army. The Hsiao family. The Yi family. I will serve the emperor in my father's place. The Fa family. No! I am ready to serve the emperor. - Father, you can't go. - Mulan! Please, sir, my father has already fought bravely... Silence! You would do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence. Mulan, you dishonor me. Report tomorrow to the Wu Zhong camp. Yes, sir. The Chu family! The Wen family! The Chang family! - You shouldn't have to go! - Mulan... There are plenty of young men to fight for China. It is an honor to protect my country and my family. So, you'll die for honor. I will die doing what's right. - But if you... - I know my place! It is time you learned yours. Mulan is gone! What? It can't be. Mulan! No. You must go after her. She could be killed. If I reveal her, she will be. Ancestors, hear our prayer. Watch over Mulan. Mushu, awaken! I live! So, tell me what mortal needs my protection, Great Ancestor. - Just say the word and I'm there. - Mushu... Let me say somethin'. Anybody who's foolish enough to threaten our family, vengeance will be mine! Mushu! These are the family guardians. They... protect the family. And you, o demoted one? I... ring the gong. That's right. Now, wake up the ancestors. One family reunion comin' right up. Okay, people, look alive. Let's go. Come on. Get up. Let's move it. Rise and shine. Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing, trust me. I knew it. I knew it! That Mulan was a troublemaker from the start! Don't look at me. She gets it from your side of the family. She's trying to help her father. If she's discovered, Fa Zhou will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate. - Not to mention, they'll lose the farm. - My children never caused such trouble. - They all became acupuncturists. - Well, we can't all be acupuncturists. No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a cross-dresser! - Let a guardian bring her back. - Yes, awaken the most cunning. No, the swiftest. - No, send the wisest. - Silence! We must send the most powerful of all. Okay, okay, I get the drift. I'll go. Y'all don't think I can do it. Watch this here. Aha! Jump back. I'm pretty hot, huh? Don't make me singe nobody to prove no point. You had your chance to protect the Fa family. Your misguidance led Fa Deng to disaster. Yeah, thanks a lot. And your point is? The point is we will be sending a real dragon to retrieve Mulan. What? What? I'm a real dragon! You are not worthy of this spot. Now, awaken the great stone dragon. So you'll get back to me on the job thing? Just one chance. Is that too much to ask? It's not like it'll kill ya. Yo, Rocky, wake up! Ya gotta go fetch Mulan! Come on, boy! Go get her! Go on! Come on. Hello? Hel-lo! Hello! Uh-oh. Uh, Stony? Stony? Oh, man, they're gonna kill me. Great stone dragon, have you awakened? Uh, uh, uh, uh... Yes, I just woke up! I'm... I am the great stone dragon. Good morning! I will go forth and fetch Mulan. Did... Did I mention that I was the great stone dragon? Go! The fate of the Fa family rests in your claws. Don't even worry about it. I will not lose face. Oh. My elbow! I know I twisted somethin'. That's just great. Now what? I'm doomed, and all 'cause Miss Man decides to take her little drag show on the road. Go get her? What's the matter with you? After this great stone, Humpty-Dumpty mess, I'd have to bring her home with a medal to get back in the temple. That's it! I'll make Mulan a war hero. They'll be begging me to come back to work. That's the master plan. Ah, you done it now, man. Hey, what makes you think you're comin'? You're lucky? Do I look like a sucker to you? What you mean, "a loser"? How 'bout I pop one of your antennas off? Then who's the loser? Imperial scouts. Shan-Yu. Nice work, gentlemen. You found the Hun army. The emperor will stop you. Stop me? He invited me. By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well, I'm here to play his game. Go! Tell your emperor to send his strongest armies. I'm ready. How many men does it take to deliver a message? One. Okay, okay, how about this? Excuse me. Where do I sign in? Ha, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly and... tough. I'm working on it! Oh. Who am I fooling? It's going to take a miracle to get me into the army. Did I hear someone ask for a miracle? - Let me hear you say "aaah"! - Aaah! - That's close enough. - A ghost. Get ready, Mulan. Your serpentine salvation is at hand! For I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade. If you're gonna stay, you're gonna work. So heed my word! 'Cause if the army finds out you're a girl, the penalty is death! Who are you? Who am I? Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls. I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Mushu. Oh. Ha, ha. Pretty hot, huh? Uh, my ancestors sent a little lizard to help me? Hey, dragon, dragon, not lizard. I don't do that tongue thing. You're, um... Intimidating? Awe-inspiring? - Tiny. - Of course. I'm travel-size for your convenience. If I was my real size, your cow here would die of fright. Down, Bessie. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor. Oooh! All right, that's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family. Make a note of this. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, dis... Stop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I've never done this before. Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't slap me no more. We clear on that? All right. Let's get this show on the road! Cri-Kee, get the bags. Let's move it, heifer. Okay, this is it. Time to show 'em your man walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up and strut. Two, three. Break it down. Hup, two, three. And work it! - Beautiful, isn't it? - They're disgusting. No, they're men. You have to act like them, so pay attention. Look. This tattoo will protect me from harm. Hmm. I hope you can get your money back! I don't think I can do this. It's all attitude. Be tough, like this guy here. What are you lookin' at? Punch him. It's how men say hello. Oh, Yao, you've made a friend. Good. Slap him on the behind. They like that. Whoa-ho-ho! I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy. Yao, relax and chant with me. Feel better? Yeah. Ahh, you ain't worth my time. - Chicken boy. - Chicken boy? Say that to my face, ya limp noodle! Oh. Sorry, Ling. Hey! Whoa! You're dead! Oh, there he goes! Hey, guys. The Huns have struck here, here and here. I will take the main troops up to the Tung Shao Pass... and stop Shan-Yu before he destroys this village. Excellent strategy, sir. I do love surprises. You will stay and train the new recruits. When Chi Fu believes you're ready, you will join us, Captain. Captain? This is an enormous responsibility, General. Perhaps a soldier with more experience... Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques, an impressive military lineage. I believe Li Shang will do an excellent job. Oh, I will. I won't let you down. This is... I mean... - Yes, sir. - Very good then. We'll toast China's victory at the imperial city. I'll expect a full report in three weeks. And I won't leave anything out. Captain Li Shang. Hmm. Leader of China's finest troops. No. The greatest troops of all time. Most impressive. Good luck, Captain. Hyah! Good luck, Father. Day one. Soldiers! He started it! I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp. Sorry. Uh... I mean, uh... sorry you had to see that. But you know how it is when you get those manly urges and you just gotta kill something, Fix things, cook outdoors... What's your name? Your commanding officer just asked you a question. Uh, I've got a name. Ha! And it's a boy's name, too. - Ling. How 'bout Ling? - His name is Ling. I didn't ask for his name. I asked for yours! - Try, uh, uh, ah, Chu. - Ah Chu. - Ah Chu? - Gesundheit. Ha, ha. I kill myself. - Mushu. - Mushu? - No. - Then what is it? Ping was my best friend growin' up. - It's Ping. - Ping? Of course, Ping did steal my... Yes, my name is Ping. Let me see your conscription notice. - Fa Zhou? The Fa Zhou? - I didn't know Fa Zhou had a son. Um, he doesn't talk about me much. I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic. Okay, gentlemen, thanks to your new friend, Ping, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. And tomorrow, the real work begins. You know, we have to work on your people skills. Rise and shine, sleeping beauty. Come on. Hup, hup, hup. Get your clothes on. Get ready. Got breakfast for ya. Look, you get porridge, and it's happy to see you. Hey, get outta there! You gonna make people sick. - Am I late? - No time to talk. It's your first day of training. Listen to your teacher and no fightin'. Play nice, unless one of the other kids wanna fight. Then you have to kick the other kid's butt. I don't wanna kick the other kid's butt. Don't talk with your mouth full. Let's see your war face. I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. Come on! Scare me, girl. Yeah! That's my tough-lookin' warrior. Get out there and make me proud. - The troops just left? - They what? Wait! You forgot your sword. My little baby, off to destroy people. Order. People, order. - I'd like a pan-fried noodle. - Oh! Sweet and pungent shrimp. - Moo goo gai pan. - That's not funny! Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. Hello, Ping. Are ya hungry? Yeah, 'cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich. Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently every morning. Anyone who acts otherwise will answer to me. Ooh. Tough guy. Yao. Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow. I'll get that arrow, pretty boy, and I'll do it with my shirt on. One moment. You seem to be missing something. This represents discipline, and this represents strength. You need both to reach the arrow. We've got a long way to go. Hoo-ah! Hoo-ah! What do you see? Black pine, from the high mountains. White horse hair. Imperial stallions. Sulfur, from cannons. This doll came from a village in the Tung Shao Pass, where the imperial army is waiting for us. We can avoid them easily. No. The quickest way to the emperor is through that pass. And besides, the little girl will be missing her doll. We should return it to her. No, this is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you? Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one. So a couple of guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Well, myself, I kind of like that corn chip smell. - Ahhh. - All right. That's enough. Get out before you get all pruny and stuff. Mushu, if you're so worried, go stand watch. Yeah, yeah. "Stand watch, Mushu, while I blow our secret with my stupid girlie habits." Pfft! Hygiene! Me first! Me first! We're doomed! There are a couple of things I know they're bound to notice! Whooo-ooo! Hey, Ping! Oh, hi, guys. I didn't know you were here. I was just washing. So now I'm clean, and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye. Come back here. I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi. I'm Ling. - And I'm Chien-Po. - Hello, Chien-Po. And I am Yao! King of the rock! And there's nothin' you girls can do about it. Oh, yeah? Well, I think Ping and I can take you. I really don't wanna take him anywhere. Ping, we have to fight! No, we don't. We could just close our eyes and swim around. Come on. Don't be such a gir... Ouch! Something bit me! What a nasty flavor. Snake! Oooh, snake! Snake! Snake! Snake! Some king of the rock. Aah! Boy, that was close. No. That was vile. You owe me big. I never want to see a naked man again. Hey, don't look at me. I ain't bitin' no more butts. You think your troops are ready to fight? Ha! They would not last a minute against the Huns! They completed their training. Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain. Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle. Oh, no, you don't! I've worked too hard to get Mulan into this war. This guy's messin' with my plan. We're not finished! Be careful, Captain. The general may be your father, but I am the emperor's counsel. And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own. You're dismissed. Hey. I'll hold him, and you punch. Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain. - I saw that. - What? You like him, don't you? - No! I... - Yeah, right, sure. Go to your tent! I think it's time we took this war I think it's time we took this war into our own hands. Let me see what you got. "From General Li. Dear son, we're waiting for Huns at the pass. It would mean a lot if you'd come back us up." That's great. Except you forgot, "Since we're out of potpourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing some." Hello! This is the army! Make it sound more urgent! Know what I'm talkin' about? That's better. Much better. Let's go. Khanny, baby. Hey, we need a ride. Insubordinate ruffians! You men owe me a new pair of slippers! And I do not squeal like a girl. Urgent news from the general. What's the matter? You've never seen a black and white before? Who are you? Excuse me? I think the question is, who are you? We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that. Snatch it right off your head. But I'm feeling gracious today, so carry on before I report you. Captain, urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front. Pack your bags, Cri-Kee. We're movin' out. Pack your bags, Cri-Kee. We're movin' out. - Huh? - That's what I said. nah! Search for survivors. I don't understand. My father should've been here. Captain! The general. I'm sorry. The Huns are moving quickly. We'll make better time to the Imperial city through the Tung Shao Pass. We're the only hope for the emperor now. Move out! What happened? - Um... - You gave away our position! Get out of range! Aah! Save the cannons! Come on! Empty it! Empty it! Hey! Oh, sure. Save the horse. Fire! Fire! Hold the last cannon. Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor. Yao, aim the cannon at Shan-Yu. - Hey! - Ping! Come back! Ping! Stop! You might want to light that right about now. Quickly. Quickly! Come on! We gotta help! You missed! How could you miss? He was three feet in front of you! Whoa-ho-ho! Mulan! Mulan! Mulan? No. Mulan! Man, you are one lucky bug. Shang! - Do you see them? - Yes. Perfect. Now we'll pull them to safe... ty. Hey, Mulan! I found the lucky cricket! We need help. Ooh, nice. Very nice. You can sit by me. Aah! We're gonna die! We are definitely gonna die. No way we survive this. Death is coming! I let them slip through my fingers. Aah! Pull! Whoa! Huh? I knew we could do it. You the man! Well, sort of. Step back, guys. Give him some air. Ping? You are the craziest man I've ever met. And for that, I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust. Let's hear it for Ping! The bravest of us all! - You're king of the mountain! - Yes, yes, yes! Ping! What's wrong? He's wounded! Get help! Ping. Hold on. Hold on. I can explain. So it's true! Shang! I knew there was something wrong with you. A woman! Treacherous snake! My name is Mulan. - I did it to save my father. - High treason! I didn't mean for it to go this far. Ultimate dishonor! It was the only way. Please, believe me. Captain? Restrain him! - No! - You know the law. A life for a life. My debt is repaid. - Move out! - But you can't just... I said move out. I was this close. This close to impressin' the ancestors, gettin' the top shelf, an entourage. Man. All my fine work. Pfft. Hi. I should never have left home. Hey, come on. You went to save your father's life. Who knew you'd end up shamin' him, disgracing your ancestors and losin' all your friends? You know, you just gotta... you gotta learn to let these things go. Maybe I didn't go for my father. Maybe what I really wanted was to prove I could do things right. So when I looked in the mirror, I'd see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing. That's just 'cause this needs a little spit, that's all. Let me shine this up for ya. I can see you. Look at you. You look so pretty. The truth is, we're both frauds. Your ancestors never sent me. They don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions. What? What do you mean you're not lucky? You lied to me? And what are you, a sheep? Ah! I'll have to face my father sooner or later. Let's go home. Yeah. This ain't gonna be pretty. But don't you worry, okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together, and that's how we'll finish it. I promise. Uh, home is that way. - I have to do something. - Did you see those Huns? They popped out of the snow! Like daisies! Are we in this together or not? Well, let's go kick some Hunny buns! Yee-haw! Make way for the heroes of China. - Shang! - Mulan? The Huns are alive! They're in the city! You don't belong here, Mulan. Go home. I saw them in the mountains. You have to believe me. Why should I? Why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Ping. Why is Mulan any different? Keep your eyes open. I know they're here. Yah! Now where are you going? To find someone who will believe me. My children, heaven smiles down upon the Middle Kingdom. China will sleep safely tonight thanks to our brave warriors. Sir, the emperor's in danger. But the Huns are here. Please, you have to help. No one will listen. Huh? I'm sorry. Did you say something? - Mushu. - You're a girl again, remember? Your Majesty, I present to you the sword of Shan-Yu. I know what this means to you, Captain Li. Your father would have been very proud. - No! - Come on! They'll never reach the emperor in time. Hey, guys! I've got an idea. Boo. Guard the door. Your walls and armies have fallen, and now it's your turn. Bow to me. Okay. Any questions? Does this dress make me look fat? Ow! Who's there? - Concubines. - Ugly concubines. Oh, he's so cute! Ohh... Now, that's what I call Mongolian barbecue. Shang, go! I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me! I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me! No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it. Then you will kneel in pieces! Chien-Po, get the emperor! Sorry, Your Majesty. No! Come on! No. You! You took away my victory! No! I did. The soldier from the mountains. So what's the plan? - Um... - You don't have a plan? Hey, I'm making this up as I... go. - Mushu! - Way ahead of you, sister. Come on, Cri-Kee. - Citizens, I need firepower. - Who are you? Your worst nightmare! - On the roof! - Look! It looks like you're out of ideas. Not quite. Ready, Mushu? I am ready, baby! Light me. Huh? Get off the roof, get off the roof, get off the roof. You are a lucky bug. That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is she? Now she's done it. What a mess! Stand aside! That creature's not worth protecting. - She's a hero. - 'Tis a woman. - She'll never be worth anything. - Listen, you pompous... That is enough. Your Majesty, I can explain. I've heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese army, destroyed my palace... and... you have saved us all. Ah! Ooh! My little baby is all grown up and... and savin' China. You have a tissue? - Chi Fu. - Your Excellency? See to it that this woman is made a member of my council. Member... what? But... There are no council positions open, Your Majesty. Very well. You can have his job. What? I... Oh. With all due respect, Your Excellency, I think I've been away from home long enough. Then... take this, so your family will know what you have done for me. And this, so the world will know what you have done for China. Is she allowed to do that? Um... you... You fight good. Oh. Thank you. Khan, let's go home. The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all. Sir? You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty. Mulan! Father, I brought you the sword of Shan-Yu. And the crest of the emperor. They're gifts, to honor the Fa family. The greatest gift and honor is having you for a daughter. I've missed you so. I've missed you, too, Baba. Great. She brings a sword. If you ask me, she should've brought home a man. Excuse me. Does Fa Mulan live here? Thank you. Whoo! Sign me up for the next war! Honorable Fa Zhou, I... Mulan! Uh... you forgot your helmet. W-well, actually, it's your helmet, isn't it? I mean... Would you like to stay for dinner? Would you like to stay forever? Dinner would be great. Come on. Who did a good job? Come on. Tell me. Who did a good job? Oh, all right! You can be a guardian again. Aah-ha! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Take it, Cri-Kee! You know, she gets it from my side of the family. Call out for egg rolls! Guardians. - Oh. - Thanks, Mushu. Mushu!

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