Movie Date: December 16, 1983
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to one and all. Give a penny for the poor, governor. Penny for the poor. Bah. My partner, Jacob Marley, dead seven years today. Ah, he was a good one. He robbed from the widows and swindled the poor. [CHUCKLING] In his will, he left me enough money to pay for his tombstone. Ha. And I had him buried at sea. Oh, ah, uh. Good morning, Mr. Scrooge. Cratchit, what are you doing with that piece of coal? I was just trying to thaw out the ink. Bah. You used a piece last week. Now, get on with your work, Cratchit. Speaking of work, Mr. Scrooge, tomorrow is Christmas, and I was wondering if I could have half a day off. Christmas, huh? I suppose so. But I'll dock you half a day's pay. Now, let's see, I pay you two shillings a day. Two shillings and a halfpenny, sir. Oh, yes. I gave you that raise three years ago. Yes, sir, when I started doing your laundry. All right, Cratchit, get busy while I go over my books. Oh, and here. Here's another bundle of shirts for you. CRATCHIT: Yes, sir. Let's see now, 50 pounds, Plus his 80% interest compounded daily. [LAUGHING] Money, money, money. Merry Christmas. And a merry Christmas to you, Master Fred. Bah, humbug. Merry Christmas, Uncle Scrooge. What's so merry about it? I'll tell you what Christmas is, it's just another work day. And any jackanapes who thinks else should be boiled in his own pudding. Oh. But, sir, Christmas is a time for giving. A time to be with one's family. I say, bah, humbug. I don't care. I say, merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Well said, Master Fred. Cratchit, what are you doing? Uh, heh. I was just trying to keep my hands warm, sir. Hmph. And what are you doing here, nephew? I've come to give you a wreath and invite you to Christmas dinner. Well, I suppose you're going to have plump goose - with chestnut dressing. - Yup. And will you have plum pudding and lemon sauce? Yeah. Boy, oh, boy. And candied fruits with spiced sugar cakes? Yeah. Will you come? Are you daft, man? You know I can't eat that stuff. Here's your wreath back. Now out, out, out. Bah, humbug. Merry Christmas. And a "bah, humbug" to you. Ha, ha. That Fred, always so full of kindness. Aye, he always was a little peculiar. [BELL RINGING] And stubborn. Ooh, heh, heh, heh. Customers. I'll handle this, Cratchit. Yes, what can I do for you two gentlemen? Sir, we are soliciting funds for the indigent and destitute. For the what? We're collecting for the poor. Oh. Aha. Well, um, you realize if you give money to the poor, they won't be poor anymore, will they? - Well, uh... - And if they're not poor anymore, then you won't have to raise money for them anymore. VVell, I suppose... And if you don't have to raise money for them anymore, then you would be out of a job. Oh, please, gentlemen, don't ask me to put you out of a job. - Not on Christmas Eve. - We wouldn't do that, Mr. Scrooge. Well, then, I suggest you give this to the poor and begone. What's this world coming to, Cratchit? You work all your life to get money, and people want you to give it away. [BELL TOLLING] Hmm. Two minutes fast. Well, never mind those two minutes. You may go now. Oh, thank you, sir. You're so kind. Never mind the mushy stuff. Just go. But be here all the earlier the next day. I will. I will, sir. And a "bah humbug..." I mean, a merry Christmas to you, sir. Bah. Scrooge. Jacob Marley? No, that can't be. Ow. Oh. Gosh. Bah. [LAUGHING] [SCREAMING] [KNOCKING] MARLEY: Ebenezer Scrooge. Go away. Ebenezer Scrooge... [GRUNTING] Gosh, kind of slippery. Scrooge, don't you recognize me? I was your partner, Jacob Marley. Marley, it is you. Ebenezer, remember when I was alive, I robbed the widows and swindled the poor? Yes, and all in the same day. - Oh, you had class, Jacob. - Heh, heh, heh. Yup. No, no. I was wrong. And so as punishment, I'm forced to carry these heavy chains through eternity. Maybe even longer. There's no hope. I'm doomed. Doomed. And the same thing will happen to you, Ebenezer Scrooge. No. No, it can't. It mustn't. Help me, Jacob. Tonight you'll be visited by three spirits. Listen to them, do what they say. Or your chains will be heavier than mine. Farewell, Ebenezer. [CHUCKLES] Farewell. Marley, watch out for that first... [CRASHING AND MARLEY YELLING] ...step. [CRASH] Spirits. Heh. Humbug. [SCROOGE SNORING] SCROOGE: What, what, what? [SCROOGE SNORING] Ahem. What? Well, it's about time. Haven't got all night, you know. Who... Who are you? Why, I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past. Oh, I thought you'd be taller. Hmph. Listen, Scrooge, if men were measured by kindness, you'd be no bigger than a speck of dust. Kindness is of little use in this world. You didn't always think so. - Come on, Scrooge, it's time to go. - Then go. Spirit, what are you doing? We're gonna visit your past. I'm not going out there. I'll fall. Just hold on. Whoop. Not too tight now. SCROOGE: Whoa, oh, oh. Spirit, look out! What's wrong, Scrooge? I thought you enjoyed looking down on the world. [FIDDLE PLAYING MUSIC] Spirit, I believe I know this place. Yes, it's old Fezzywig's. I couldn't have worked for a kinder man. Why, it's old Fezzywig himself. And all of my very dearest friends. And that shy lad in the corner, that's me. Yes, that was before you became a miserable miser consumed by greed. Well, nobody's perfect. And there, there's lovely Isabel. Ebenezen - Ebenezen - Yes, Isabel? My eyes are closed, my lips are puckered, and I'm standing under the mistletoe. You're also standing on my foot. Oh, I remember how much I was in love with her. In ten years' time, you learned to love something else. Why, it's my counting house. SCROOGE: Nine thousand nine hundred and seventy-two. - Nine thousand... - ISABEL: Ebenezer. Yes? What is it? For years, I've had this honeymoon cottage, Ebenezer. I've been waiting for you to keep your promise to marry me. Now I must know, have you made your decision? I have. Your last payment on the cottage was an hour late. I'm foreclosing the mortgage. [CRYING] You loved your gold more than that precious creature. And you lost her forever. SCROOGE: Nine thousand nine hundred and seventy... [DOOR SLAMS] ...three. Please, spirit, I can no longer bear these memories. Take me home. Remember, Scrooge, you fashioned these memories yourself. Why was I so foolish? Why? Why? What's this? Fee, fi, fo, fum, I smell... I mean, I smell a stingy little Englishman. I think I do. Yeah, I do. Please, let me go. Don't eat me. Why would the Ghost of Christmas Present, that's me, want to eat a distasteful little miser like you? Especially when there are so many good things to enjoy in life. See? Ooh. Mince pies. Turkeys. Suckling Pig- And don't forget the chocolate pot roast with pishmachio... Uh, with smishmachio... Uh, with... [STAMMERING] With yogurt. But where did all this come from? From the heart, Scrooge. It's the food of generosity. Which you have long denied your fellow man. Generosity. Ha! Nobody has ever shown me generosity. You've never given them reason to. And yet, there are some who still find enough warmth in their hearts even for the likes of you. No acquaintance of mine, I assure you. Uh, you'll see. [WOMAN SCREAMS] Here we are. Why did you bring me to this old shack? This is the home of your overworked, underpaid employee, Bob Cratchit. SCROOGE: What's she cooking? A canary? Surely they have more food than that. Look on the fire. SPIRIT 2: That's your laundry. Not yet, children. We must wait for Tiny Tim. TIM: Coming, Father. I'm coming. Oh, my, look at all the wonderful things to eat. We must thank Mr. Scrooge. Tell me, spirit, what's wrong with that kind lad? SPIRIT 2: Much, I'm afraid. If these shadows remain unchanged, I see an empty chair where Tiny Tim once sat. Then that means Tim will... Where did they go? Spirit, where are you? Don't go. You must tell me about Tim. Don't go. [COUGHING] Where did... Who are you? Are you the Ghost of Christmas Future? Please, speak to me. Tell me, what will happen to Tiny Tim? Oh, no. Spirit, I didn't want this to happen. Tell me these events can yet be changed. [LAUGHING] I've never seen a funeral like this one. Aye, no mourners, no friends to bid him farewell. Oh, well, let's rest a minute afore we fill it in, eh? He ain't going nowheres. Spirit. Whose lonely grave is this? Why, yours, Ebenezer. The richest man in the cemetery. - Ha, ha, ha. - Please. [GASPS] No,no,no. [LAUGHING] I'll change. Spirit, let me out, let me out. I'll... Eh? Oh, I'm back in my own room. [BELLS TOLLING] It's Christmas morning. I haven't missed it. The spirits have given me another chance. Oh, I know just what I'll do. They'll be so surprised. What a wonderful day. [LAUGHING] Oh, there's so much to do. Oh, so much to do. I can't go out like this. There, that's better. Yay! SCROOGE: Merry Christmas to one and all. Well, bless me. Good morning, gentlemen. I have something for you. Twenty gold sovereigns. Oh, no. Not enough? Well, all right. Fifty gold sovereigns. - Really, Mr. Scrooge, it's... - SCROOGE: Still not enough? Aye, you drive a hard bargain. Here you are. One hundred gold pieces. And not a penny more. Not a penny more. Oh, thank you, Mr. Scrooge. Thank you. And a merry Christmas to you. [LAUGHING] Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Oh, nephew. Uncle Scrooge. I'm looking forward to that wonderful meal of yours. Well, I'll be doggone. You mean you're coming? Of course I am. You know how much I like candied fruits with spiced sugar cakes. I'll be over promptly at 2:00. Keep it piping hot. I will, Uncle Scrooge. I will. And a very merry Christmas to you. SCROOGE: Merry Christmas, and keep the change. Wonderful lads. And now for Cratchit. [CLEARS THROAT] Why, Mr. Scrooge. Uh, merry Christmas. - Won't you come in? - Merry Christmas. Huh. I have another bundle for you. But, sir, it's Christmas day. Christmas day, indeed. Just another excuse for being lazy. And another thing, Cratchit. I've had enough of this half-day-off stuff. You leave me no alternative but to give you... - Toys. - Yes, toys. No,no,no. I'm giving you a raise, and making you my partner. A Partner? Oh, thank you, Mr. Scrooge. Merry Christmas, Bob. And God bless us, every one.