Movie Date: July 29, 1966
Right face! Ten hut! "Dearest sweet, thoughtful, understanding Jane. l know you won't believe this, sweetheart, but here it goes anyway. You may recall, you and l were to be married a year ago last June. As l didn't turn up for the wedding, and so much time has gone by, l can imagine you have been wondering... ...ha-ha... ...what happened. It all began one day during a routine mission in the far Pacific. " Matlock 1 -7 to Wingding. l have an angel 1 -6. Request new coordinates for position fix. lndicating 3-4-0, heading 2-7-2. Fire warning light on. Fire warning light on? Smoke and fire from starboard side! Estimated position, Mayday! Mayday! Ejecting, out. Oh! Whoa! [panting] Survival kit. Ah, boy. Survival at Sea and Like lt! Oh, boy. Chapter One: Down at Sea. All right, mister, let's take stock of the situation. First thing to remember is relax. Don't panic. Try to achieve a cheerful, constructive frame of mind at all times. Now let's check out the supplies in your waterproof survival kit. - Here we go. Water flask. - Yeah. Right. Fish hooks. Ow! Nylon cord. Affirmative. Compass. Yeah. Chamois cloth. All right. Dye markers, signaling mirror, mercury flashlight... - No, hold it, hold it, hold it. - Oh. - Okay. - Flares. Whistle. Sun visor. - Bailing sponge. - Roger. Solar still for making drinking water. Sunburn ointment. Fabric patching kit. Air pump. Kitchen matches. Hold it. Hold it. l don't see any air pump. Concerning air pump, see asterisk at bottom of page. Asterisk. Air pump, discontinuation of. Due to inefficient performance of air pump in kit, they are no longer in use. Use your lungs. Okay, how about some food? Each kit holds six tins of concentrated food tablets, each unit roughly the nutritional equivalent of... - ...a Thanksgiving turkey dinner. - Hmm. [narrator] First, however, a word of warning. Take no more than one tablet of each... Or they'll hang in your chest like a lead balloon. [narrator] ...or they may cause some internal distress. H, H, H, H. That's great. Nothing listed for hiccups. What can l take? Put a shopping bag on your head. That's no good. No... No shopping bag. What else? Frighten yourself. All right. Look out! There's an octopus in the boat! There's another one. What else? Stand on your head and hold your breath. Okay, l'll stand on my head in the middle of the ocean. l don't think this is gonna... work. A sail! A sail! Hey, sail! Ahoy! Over here, sail! Looks like a Chinese junk. Hey! Here! American! Hey! Hurry up! Chop-chop! Oh, nice Chinese sailor make American boy very happy. Hey! Hey, over here, sailboat! You're not a sailboat! You're a shark. You're a shark! Hey! No, go back! Go back! No! Get out of here! Whoa! [narrator] Sharks are all cowards at heart. Chances are, a well-placed blow on the sensitive area around his nose will send him packing. A blow on the nose? You gotta be kidding. [narrator] A well-placed blow on the nose. Okay. Come and get your well-placed blow. Ah! Oh! This isn't in the manual, but come and get it. Well-placed blow on the nose, huh? Put that in your manual next time. Ah! Ah! Ah! And that, dear Jane, is how I discovered a new way to get rid of the hiccups. The final leak was patched, and after a certain amount of twisting and turning, I managed to fall asleep. Everything might have been all right if it wasn't for my old problem, sleepwalking. You come back, you get more of the same! Now I was in real trouble. Everything, food, water, everything I needed to sustain life was gone. Four days later. No food. No water. The sun beat down relentlessly. Even the shark had run out on me. Not a sign of life anywhere. If you should run out of provisions, don't panic. Man has been known to live over 70 days without food. However, and mark this well, man does require water. More than four days without water, and the human machine will find itself in extreme difficulty. Water. Water. Hey. Hey. Rain. Soak it up. Hey! Hey, rain! Rain! Rain! Save the rain! Beautiful rain! l've got rain! l've got beautiful rain! Hey, save the beautiful rain. l'm sinking! Get rid of the beautiful rain! Get rid of the rain! Get rid of the rain! - Hey. You'll have to excuse my appearance. l had a rough night. l must look a sight. Chapter 10: Alone on an Island. Well, we made it, didn't we? So knock off lying there, mister, and move it. Lots of things to do. Upsa-daisy. Shut up! Once I made my plight known to the outside world, I felt better. The next most pressing thought: Where was I? I made a crude sextant and took a noon sight on the sun. According to my calculations, l am somewhere between... ...Elmira, New York, and Muncie, lndiana. Night was coming on now. With palm fronds and sticks and my poncho from the dinghy, I built a snug little shelter. Oh, boy, am l looking forward to a good night's sleep. Well, as Confucius say, "When in soup, might as well enjoy flavor." Boy. Too much! Oh. No! Ow! Ooh! The days began to pass. Still not a glimpse of a plane or a ship. Not a sign of life anywhere, save for birds and small animals. Trying to conserve my old clothes before they became hopeless tatters, I fashioned new ones out of the materials at hand. Nothing pretentious. A warm-weather ensemble. Pleated hat of palm. Anti-sunstroke accessory. And a jacket cut along simple lines. A deep, plunging "V" in front and laced sides. Let's see. May, June, July. Seven, 1 4, 21 . Twenty-second, twenty-third, twenty-fourth. Another day, another nut. July 25th. Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, Lt. Crusoe Happy birthday to you Driven by loneliness and curiosity, I resolved to explore this lonely island. If it was an island. Still no sign of another human being. It was almost as if I were the first person on Earth. I guess I always knew it would happen someday. Dear, you never knew my father. His name was Joe Crusoe. Pop was a frustrated streetcar motorman back in Kansas City, Kansas, who always wanted to run away to sea. He never made it, but he stuck me with the name Robinson. Why couldn't Dad have named me Dwight or Lyndon? It was indeed an island. Now I knew for certain. I was alone. I took a new direction homeward, coming upon a part of the shore that was unknown to me. At first I paid scant attention because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. Then I saw it. Hello? Hello! War over. Me... Me friend of Sessue Hayakawa. Okay? Hello? Anybody here? Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. l've always wanted to do this. Boop-boop-boop. Boop-boop-boop. Ow. Hello! What? Oh, l... Hello. Oh. That's ... Hello there. Captain Nemo, l presume, huh? You probably never read l sure admire that gun you got there. That could blow a hole big enough to... Mind if l have a look at it? - lt's not an American-made... Well, there, there, buddy. lt's okay now. Hey, listen. How'd you get here anyway? Listen, who are you? Huh? A fellow American! Oh, boy. lf you only knew how glad l am to see you. What's this? " Astro-Chimp Floyd? Project Mercury. Discoverer of bearer please notify Navy Department, Washington, D.C." An astro-chimp. Well, sir, let me tell you what an honor it is to meet you. ln my book, you're one of the great heroes of our time. Hey, mind if l look around in here? Of course he couldn't answer. But I could almost figure it out for myself. It was years since the chimp program on space probes was phased out. Floyd probably landed out of recovery range, floated to shore in a space capsule, broken out and managed somehow to survive. After all, why shouldn't he survive? Floyd wasn'tjust any animal. The Navy selected these creatures for their high degree of adaptability. As I recall, the IQs of those astro-chimps compared favorably... with those of your average naval ensign. Oh, boy! A Japanese supermarket! Wait a minute. Let's not lose our heads here. l don't need comic books. l don't need the gas mask either. l don't need... whatever that is. Now, let's do it the way Robinson Crusoe did it hundreds of years ago. Still makes sense. You take things off the ship in the order of their importance. A storm could take the boat right off the reef and sink it in deep water. Tools. Need plenty of tools. Candles. Blankets. Oh, can l use blankets. Gosh, these little Japanese houses are sure cute. They're simple, too. Hey, Floyd, l'll bet we could build one of them. Let's see. We stripped the submarine of tools and materials, and borrowing somewhat from the Tinker Toy school of architecture, we finished in a couple of weeks. It looked a little like a doll house with a hangover, but we were proud of it. We now have a new addition to the household. A little mynah bird came by while we were finishing the house, and it seems he has attached himself to us. Hello, Jane. Hello, Jane. No, no. Me Rob, you Jane. Me Rob, you Jane. No, let's get this straight. Jane. Jane. Get that? Remember? Jane. Remember? Jane. Remember? Jane. Never mind. We'll work on it later. Oh, Floyd, that's very pretty. Just put it over here. Anyplace is all right. Very pretty! l must close now, sweetheart, as l want to catch the outgoing tide. l'll be writing every day now. All my love, Rob. Remember? Jane. Remember? Jane. You bet your beady little black eyes l'll remember Jane. That girl is one in a million. Be back in a minute, Floyd. - l'm gonna go down to mail a letter. - Remember? Jane. Onward, O missive of love, through wind and rain and sleet and snow. The mail must go through. All right. l'll call you. Let me see you beat three pretty little geishas. All right. All right. Three samurai beat three geishas. Go on. Take them. - Oh, boy. - Shut up. [bird] Shut up. Deal. Go play a game of skill with a dumb animal. Shut up and deal. Shut up and deal. Have l got a surprise for you come Thanksgiving. Shut up and deal! l wonder what this stuff is we got off the submarine. Look like some kind of Japanese soft drink. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. lt's not bad. Kumquat cola or something. Oh, boy! A little for you and a little for me. Okay, buddy boy. Here we go. l deal again. Okay. l open for two clams. And for Pete's sake, don't go ape with the betting. lt always spoils the game. Okay, how many cards? Come on, Floyd. l'm trying to teach you the game. A full house. All right. Lucky. Watch this one. Come on, Floyd. Bottoms up. Chug-a-lug. How many cards? All right, wise guy. Okay, wise guy. l'll play these. And l'll bet them all. Read them and weep. Not again. All right. Take it all. Go on, take it all! l hope you're... l hope you're proud of yourself. Do you know something, my fine, hairy young friend? You know something? You play poker like a woman. You know why? A woman doesn't know what cards she's playing either, and she always wins. - And l'll tell you why she always wins. - Remember Jane. Remember Jane. Floyd, did l ever show you a picture of my fiance? This is the most beautiful creature in the whole world, Floyd. lsn't she lovely? l don't suppose you astro-chimps ever had a lady friend, huh? l mean, you just never had one. All that rigorous flight training and regular... regular hours. And no dames. Strict... Strict rules. Oh, Floyd, she's lovely. She's in show business, l see, huh? Oh, Floyd, how you must miss her. Floyd, a toast. A toast with this delicious Japanese soft drink. To our ladies fair, wherever they are, may be. From their lonely, loyal sailor... boys. Floyd, you look terrible. l better put you two to bed. You know, you shouldn't break training like that, Floyd. Just a minute, Floyd. You know something, Floyd? They ought to bottle this stuff. Floyd, a toast. To the United States Navy and to the world in general. Wherever they may be. Cock-a-diddle-doodle. Cock-a-diddle-doodle. Cock-a-diddle-doodle. Cock-a-diddle-doodle. Cock-a-diddle-doodle-dada-diddle. - Ooh. - Cock-a-diddle-doodle. lt's not " cock-a-diddle-doodle." lt's " cock-a-doodle-do." "Cock-a-doodle-do." - How many times do l have to tell you? - Cock-a-doodle-do! Cock-a-doodle-do! Cock-a-doodle-do! Cock-a-doodle-do! Oh, that was a great idea, training the bird to be an alarm clock. Kumquat cola. Ah. Why don't you lead off. You go off first. Here. Now, remember, keep your head... Watch your grip. No, that's all wrong. You lifted your head... Nice shot. Lousy form and a nice shot. Sometimes it's just luck. Oh, don't get funny. Japanese clubs are a little short for me, Floyd. That's a great lie, that is. Right in the middle of a footprint. Floyd, your footprints are all over the place. How many times have l told you to rake over your footprints in a trap? lt's one of the cardinal rules of golf. You replace your divots and you... You know something? That doesn't look like your footprint. Floyd, l'm sorry. lt's one of mine. Look at this. Actually, it's a little... little small for mine, isn't it? Floyd, we're not alone. Come on! Stay close to me, Floyd. Why did it get so quiet all of a sudden? Come on. Let's go. That means everybody, sailor. Come on! See, Floyd? lt's all right. Just an ordinary dark, terrifying cave. - Ah! - Ah! Be careful! You're gonna hurt somebody! Ow! Ow! Ow! Now, listen. Just calm down. l'm not gonna hurt you. l'm not gonna hurt you. That's it. l'm not gonna hurt you. No, wait. Don't , don't . Hey! Don't stand there, you dumb ape. We're not playing. [straining] What is the matter with you? All right. Now, l turn you loose, you gonna be good? All right. Now, just stay calm. See? See? Nothing to be upset about. Just be calm. That's it. All nice. Nice, now. That's all right. Me trust. All smiles. See teeth? Boy, you know something? You're as strong as a man. Doggone it! Watch it! What's the matter with you? Ow! Ow! Quit! So here, my dear, was the dilemma. I couldn't turn her loose. Poor, wild thing only seemed to have this one fixed idea in her mind. She simply wanted to kill me. So I had to keep her. I'm sure you understand. I had to keep an eye on her for my own protection. l sure tied myself a knot there. There it is. Okay, now, no more funny stuff, huh? There. See? Your friend Rob no hurt. You hungry? Want food? Kau-kau? You thirsty? Want water? Drink? [Crusoe] Like all wild things, I knew sooner or later she'd respond to a little human kindness. Hey! Take it easy! That's dangerous! Here we go! Lady, watch it! Okay. We know how to die in Kansas City. Just make it quick. Listen, if you don't mind my saying so, you seem a little erratic. Hey, what's the matter now? Hey, what's wrong with you? What did l do? You live this island? You grow up here? Where... Where house? Where you sleep, huh? You come... You come across water? You paddle on boat here? You live other island? You all alone? Now we're getting somewhere. You got a father? Will you stay out of this, Floyd? l'm trying to find out something. l've been around that chimp too long. Who is your father? Your father fisherman? Father fish? Father raise coconut? Father have trading post? Make boats. Father make boats? Your father's a monkey? Father's a... A chief, huh? Father chief! Oh, yeah. Big chief. Yeah. ls he a nice fella? He not nice fella. Him, uh, maybe cannibal? You know, uh, cannibal. That's good. She says her father's a headhunter. Why you come this island? You... Yeah, you father. Yeah. He say you... You... Marry! You marry. Yeah. You marry, a guy on other island? And he's ugly. Yeah. Ugly guy from other island. You father, he get bracelets, necklaces, and... He gets paid for this. He gets money. You... You say no. You say big no. You say no. You want to marry... You want to marry the chimp? You want to marry... Tall. Tall. Big. Yeah. Big fella that smiles a lot. A lot of teeth. But wait. You father, he send you to seagulls. No, send you to the... the sharks. l got that. Yeah. But wait. Father... ...changed his head. Changed his mind! Father changed his mind. Yeah? He paddled you to this island. Well, why? He bring you to see... ...a big... ...Frankenstein. No, you see the big, green giant. Turn you into stone. No. Kabuna. Kabuna. - Who's Kabuna? - Kabuna evil god of island. Kill, kill! Big hoo! All finish up. The big stone face where l found you, huh? Well, why didn't you say... You speak English. Oh, yes. Speak English plenty great. Fluently. Why keep it a secret? We wouldn't have had to go through that other stuff. l like other stuff. Good game. A joy for me. Most time l catch sad life. Must make up good things. You make up things, huh? Like about your father a bad chief and sending you here to die. Oh, no. All true. Father all bad. Throw all wives, noisy daughters kau-kau to shark. Laugh. Ha-ha-ha-ha. - Wait. His own wives and daughters? - Why not? Got plenty left. - And he brought you here to die? - Yes. Kabuna get me. Kill, kill. Mash, mash. l die or finish up. Oh, for... Just because you won't marry some dumb cluck! A woman should have the right to marry whom she wants. - Woman got what? - Rights. What's a matter word, " rights" ? Well, it's something women have where l come from. They do what they want. [chuckles] Father be crossing coconut, he hear you sing out this " rights." Well, l'm not looking forward to meeting your father. - He not come along this side? - No. Oh, good. Heart belong me tick-tock much better. l don't like to knock somebody else's family, but your father sounds like... He not fright me. l'll tell you something. He fright me. Mm-hmm. Boy, what am l gonna do with you? Nothing can do. Father and Kabuna work together. Plenty smart. Anyway, you stay here tonight. Oh, everything's okay. l'll sleep outside. Everything's okay. l'm practically married. Wait a minute. Here, l'll show you a picture of my girl. There. Look at that. Beautiful, isn't she? Eew. Looks sick. Where girl color go? Well, she's what we call a blond. They have more fun, you know. Floyd. Now, don't worry. l'll leave Floyd here to guard you. You got the picture, Floyd? l am appointing you official protector. Nobody, l repeat, nobody gets in here to bother that young lady tonight. And that includes me. Good night. Jane would be proud of me. Takes character to walk away from a beautiful native girl like that. l guess at heart l'm just a good, wholesome kid. Good and wholesome, stupid kid. Hammock doesn't look too big to me. Don't tell me it's gonna... Aw! Aw, nuts! Oh, hi, boy. Thattaboy. That's the way to stand a watch. What... Cut the clowning, Floyd. lt's just me! Come... Look, stupid, l just wanna get a blanket because it's raining! l'm not going in there to stay. Come on! Floyd, have a heart. l'm freezing out here. All l wanna do is get that blanket there. Go on, Floyd! Please! lf that isn't typical. You give a chimp authority, he'll wanna take over. Thanks a lot! l'd like to put you back in orbit. Dumb monkey. But, after the fight was over, we came to terms. And so, my dear, that's how your very own Lt. Robin Crusoe met his Man Friday. Except she was a girl. l named her "Wednesday." Wednesday. Don't get the idea she's one of those gorgeous island girls. lsland. She's just a plain little thing, actually. You write scritch-scratch a lot her? Yes, twice a day. - What her name? - Who? - Remember Jane. - l remember Jane. Jane! That's her name. Jane. She's a real lovely little lady. Dear Jane. Dear Jane. Anyway, the real problem isn't Wednesday. lt's Tanamashu, that old headhunter father of hers. Meantime, all my love. Hurriedly, Rob. Remember Jane. Remember Jane. Go tell Aunt Rhody Go tell Aunt Rhody Go tell Aunt Rhody she's really Uncle Fred lt's him! Tanamashu! Wednesday! Wednesday! Tanamashu's coming! Your nutty father's here. Come on. We gotta blow out of here! Floyd, put down that silly comic book. We'll hide in the jungle! Wednesday, where you going? Give me your hand. Let's get out of here! Floyd, come on! [women chattering indistinctly] l don't like the looks of this. Well, l mean, l like the looks of it, but l don't like the looks of it. So? So let's get outta here! Come on, Floyd! Hee-ya! Oh, boy. - Who are you? - Sorry. These are sisters-cousins belong me. Okay, you can tell sisters and cousins to get out of the way if they don't want to see an innocent man drown. One moment. Sisters-cousins all must run for lives! Was all my fault. l not go marriage with ugly, bad snake island chief. Father catch crazy! Father plenty cross. Kill, kill! Big hoo! Begin to throw all daughters-cousins kau-kau to shark. l'm drowning! You gotta believe me. - l'm very sincere. - One moment! l tell sisters-cousins, woman got rights! My whole life passing in front of my eyes! - Woman got rights, you say! - Okay, okay. Women got rights. So we not go now. You just said your father's gonna kau-kau everybody to the sharks. But Father got to catch first. First we fight! Fight? Fight? Wednesday, you're out of your mind! You can't fight. We try. Sisters-cousins fight good, probably. - You be our chief. - Me? Well, chief, admiral, general. What is word? The word's " no." Following a brief period of brainwashing, I decided to accept their offer and make the best of it. Until we meet once more We wishing you a happy voyage home - Company, halt! Now hear this! ln my book, there's just one way to do things, and that is the Navy way. The entire efficiency of a fighting machine is based on just one thing. Discipline. Discipline, discipline, discipline! We shape up or ship out! Let's see if we can form a line along here. On the double! All right, ladies. Shape up! That's enough shaping up. At ease! Admiral Honey, they already at ease, thank you. Feel fine. Like you plenty. That's not what l meant. Never mind. All right, sailor, wipe that smile off your face. - l said wipe it off! - Okay, honey. - You mean " sir." - Okay, honey, sir. Smarten up, sailor. Smarten up. All right, belay that giggling! Sailors do not giggle! Well, thank you. Wait a minute. No. Wait a minute. Let's not confuse the relationship between an officer and personnel. Ladies, discipline is very important here! Come on! Knock it off. Knock it... Company, dismissed! lt's gonna be a very tough war. - Not much good-looking house. - That doesn't matter. What's important is that we get our battle strategy clearly in our minds. Okay, Admiral Honey. You're boss. Yeah. All right. Where does Father usually land his canoes? Always here. Always take this path to Kabuna here. What does Father do at Kabuna? They do good business. Father stand to Kabuna. Father say, "l, Tanamashu, here. What great god Kabuna got to say?" And Kabuna say, "You good chief, Tanamashu. Kabuna like you plenty. Tell people to bring you best fish, bring you pretty new girls, throw old wives kau-kau to shark. This make Kabuna plenty happy." Sounds a little fishy to me. You mean, people hear Kabuna say this? Oh, not people. People not hear. Kabuna speak only to Father. Only Father hear. Oh! Only Father hear, huh? l think l know that bit. What's the matter, "bit" ? l may just visit Kabuna myself. l may outsmart Father. You outsmart Father? Wednesday, all due respect to your father, but he is, after all, just a savage. On the other hand, l am graduated with honors from one of the finest technical schools in the United States. ln all honesty, who do you think is going to outsmart whom? Father. You got some other plan, Admiral Honey? Well, as a last resort, l mean only as a last resort, we may have to fight, make a big hoo-hoo. This good type plan. All sisters-cousins like to make big hoo-hoo! Okay, but remember, we hoo-hoo only in the case of emergency. Someone may get hurt if we hoo-hoo, and l'm afraid l know who. All right, young people. Get to work. Snap it up! Mm-hmm. Cousin, take topside. Plenty hurry. - What's the matter this thing? - Don't know. Admiral Honey say move it, we move. Come along, sisters-cousins. On your toes. Gung ho. Now, move out, move out. Come on. What's the matter this? Maybe candy stick. - You think? - Maybe candy. Maybe not. Hey, watch it! Hey, those are flares. Explosive. Just take them up topside. Don't fool around. Come along, sisters-cousins. On your toes! Now, move out! Come on. Well, here goes. Hey! Hey, l did it! l got the generator working! Ow! Oh, boy. Stop horsing around! This thing is dangerous. Stop it! Hey, away from the water! That wire's hot! Sweetie, that line runs back to the generator. You step in the water with the juice turned on, you'll light up like a Roman candle. l mean, you shoot off sparks. You know, l mean, big smoke. Thank you. You are pretty nice yourself. Yeah. - Hey! So far, so good. Like you say, so far, so good. Yeah... Yeah. Wednesday, l do not like this. Sisters-cousins take good care of Admiral Honey. Admirals don't get carried around on litters by girls. At least not in wartime. Ladies got to respect, got to look up to Admiral Honey. Ride in litter, save face. - Also feet. - lt's not my face l'm worried about. Floyd, no, no. Get down from there. You do it like this. l always thought you were the big brain. - No, you idiot! Stay back! - [shrieks] Don't get sore at me. Why didn't you watch what you were doing? Maybe we've learned a little lesson now. Yo. Move it out. Periscope secure and working. Now, let's see. Flares. Flares. Twelve cases. Smoke bombs, six. Oxygen tank, one. Smoke masks. Smoke masks. Two. First-aid kit. First-aid kit. One. Flamethrower, one. Okay. And... Fire extinguisher, carbon-dioxide spray type. Nice effect. Okay, battery packs. Six. Extra spool of wire, double-1 4 gauge, two. Water valve installed and working. And that's about it. [electric feedback] Hello, hello. Testing, one, two, three. Testing. Hello. How now brown cow. Hello. Brown cow. One, two, three. Testing. Testing. Woof-woof. Hello, Max. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. How now brown cow. 'Round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran. Sister Susie sells seashells by the seashore. Soft. What light in yon window breaks? [over speaker] It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. Would that l were a glove. You read... Sorry, folks. Kabuna a little hammy there. Okay. Kabuna say daughter of Tanamashu speak! Go ahead, Wednesday. That's your cue. Speak. Okay. l, daughter of Tanamashu, speak. Proceed! Kabuna listen. l say woman got rights. Okay. l say woman got right to talk. That's right. l say woman got right to choose first-chop fella! - l say Tanamashu no good. l love Tanamashu. He my father. But he no good. We give him big squeeze! [Crusoe] Kabuna got to go along with daughter of Tanamashu. Daughter plenty okay. Kabuna say woman got rights. Woman got rights to talk. Got rights to choose first-chop fella. Tanamashu plenty tough? Okay. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. And the team that won't be beaten, can't be beaten. All right, now go out there and win one for old Kabuna! Anchor aweigh, me boy Anchor aweigh All right. What's going on in here? There's nobody in those lookout stations. There's a war going on. Come on! Everybody move it back to their work! On the double. Sorry. My fault. Well, a fine combat force this is. There's nobody on those posts. Everybody's playing laugh and giggle while Tanamashu quietly sneaks in here and cuts our throats. Wednesday sorry. Well, we gotta run a tight ship around here. Look, l am trying awfully hard to keep a grasp on the... ...realities. How about Wednesday fix you breakfast, Admiral Honey? Well, okay. l'll write my letter. Okay. You write, l fix. Dear... Uh... Dear... Dear... "My undying love. Your Jane." Jane. Jane. That's it. Jane. What's the matter with me? Oh, honey, l don't know what's come... Ooh. Jane? l better get off this island pretty soon. Dear old Jane. Uh, dearest Jane. Tanamashu. Tanamashu come! Tanamashu! [muffled blowing] As the days wear on, l can't help feeling more and more... Tanamashu! Tanamashu come! Tanamashu! - Tanamashu! - Tanamashu come! Tanamashu come! Sound the alarm! Sound the alarm! Sound the alarm! This is it. Tanamashu sighted. lf you don't hear from me again, you'll know what happened. Love, Rob. Tanamashu come! Sound the alarm! - Sound the alarm! - Tanamashu come! - Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! - [bird whooping] Bad enough l gotta be stranded in the South Pacific without a bunch of hysterical women. Admiral l had to be with my big mouth. instead of wait for the Navy to get me. Tanamashu come! All right! Remember your battle training. Remember your training. Let's not lose our heads. Admiral's not gonna let anything happen to anybody! l gotta get ahold of myself. All right, now! Battle alert! Battle plans! " A." All right, plan " A" for Able is under operation right now. Commanders, get your men in their positions. Your women! Wednesday, get my binoculars. Okay? Now get your weapons, everybody. l wanna wish everybody good luck, and keep your spirits up. Keep your communications open. All right. Uh, move out! Move out! Wednesday! Wednesday, you, uh, you go with me. Now, remember, we hold to Plan " A" , unless l signal. No violence. We're gonna negotiate. - Talk-talk. - Okay, okay. But talk-talk still lousy idea. You don't know Father. Which one is Dad? l can't help wondering if you're being fair to your father. Father under umbrella. He can't be as bad as you're painting him. What Father doing now? Changing a tire. All right, get ready. Go on. Anchor aweigh, me boy Anchor aweigh Farewell to college, boy We sail at break of day Day, day, day Through our last night on shore Drink to the foam Until we meet once more We wishing you a happy voyage home Bad daughter! You! - Grab bad daughter! - One moment, please. Bad daughter got right to talk. All women got rights. Why? Why bad daughter want right to talk? What's the matter? Get everyone mix up! Well, everything is okay. No, woman don't got to need right to talk. Great Kabuna say this. Great Kabuna not say this. Great Kabuna say, "No, no, no! Woman got rights!" Kabuna say, "No, no, no, no" ? How you know? Kabuna tell me this. Great Kabuna tell her this! Everyone know Kabuna speak only to Tanamashu! - Kabuna speak to me. - Maybe. Maybe so. How about we all go Kabuna, hmm? Everyone see Kabuna speak only Tanamashu! Maybe great Kabuna speak bad daughter, too. - Okay, we go? - Okay. Okay, we go. We have feast, good time, dancing! Talk about woman rights to great Kabuna. Maybe throw bad daughter kau-kau to shark. Sharks got rights too, eh? Boy, he's walking right into it. Come on, Floyd! What's the matter with you? Will you let go? l can talk to you later. Come on, Floyd. Gotta go. lt's very important, Floyd! l gotta get over to Kabuna! Ah! Floyd, get me down from here! Kabuna speak Tanamashu. Then we die. All finished up. Everything okay. Kabuna okay. He with us, remember? Floyd, this is no time for games! Let go! Come on, Floyd! Almighty Kabuna, Tanamashu give you greetings. Greetings, Kabuna. Huh? Mighty Kabuna, bad daughter wish you speak. You like this? My daughter, great Kabuna say speak okay. Great Kabuna, speak to me. Speak so not only l hear, not only Father hear, but everyone hear. Okay, Floyd, l'm loose. You can let go now. Speak of Tanamashu. Speak of woman got rights. Speak of all things. We wait patiently, great Kabuna. This is what Rob honey call " cue." - Woof-woof. - Woof-woof? Woof-woof? Great Kabuna, maybe one word? Maybe small whisper? Kabuna pretty smart, eh? Grab woman! ust a minute, Charlie. - Hold it! - Huh? Drop those girls! Tanamashu, listen! Kabuna now speak to all people. Keep it up, Floyd. Kabuna say woman got rights! What's the matter here? This not Kabuna voice! No! Only Tanamashu can hear Kabuna voice! Not true! Kabuna plenty tired of Tanamashu put words in mouth. Tanamashu think maybe this some kind of trick. Why great Kabuna speak white men fashion, eh? Kabuna speak many tongues. Speak with flaming tongue of anger! [yelling in native language] Kabuna speak with icy breath... ...of contempt! What you say now, bad Chief Tanamashu? l say you fake! What you call Kabuna, Kabuna call you double! l say you one big finish-up liar! Get on the water, Floyd. [Crusoe] Now you make Kabuna plenty mad. Get the water. Come on, Floyd. Turn it on! Right on target! Pour it on! Keep it coming! More pressure, Floyd! Don't be afraid of it! Ooh! Ah! - Rob! - Floyd! Floyd! Floyd, turn it down! Floyd! Hey, Floyd! Turn it down! Turn it down, you idiot! Turn it down! Go on! Get out of here! Plan "B" ! All right, you guys. You want Kabuna get tough? Back! [growling] Hold it! Hold it. Kabuna watch every move. Grab him! Get him! Floyd. - Floyd, turn on the water. Hold it! Hold it. Floyd, tell Kabuna hit the water! You dare defy great god Kabuna? Back! Great Kabuna, turn on the water! Anybody, hit the water! Don't bother me, Floyd. l'm busy. Hey, look out! Back! Cut it out, will you? Kabuna say he ready to blow! - Run! Go! - l tough Chief Tanamashu! Tanamashu never run. - Let go! Ah! Run! Quick! Quick! Tanamashu always runs. Wait! Wait! Where? Where everybody go? What's the matter? This way! Huh? What's the matter? - He my father. l pull. - Okay. Ah! Ah! You, uh, have enough? - You say uncle? Father say uncle. Look! Kabuna smile! Very good, okay. Thank you. Say, Tanamashu, l'm sorry about those boats. Well, it must take a long time to hollow out one of those. - Kuaga. - What? Kuou-ou? - Kuagigake. - Oh, kuagigake. You know, she is a wonderful girl. She's gonna make some headhunter a great little wife someday. Sure! Sure, go. Go dance with bad daughter! Go! Hey! Wise guy dance okay! Wise guy dance pretty good marriage dance! Marriage dance? No, no. Wait a minute. Please, please. Tanamashu don't lose daughter, no! Tanamashu got wise-guy son! Oh, l'm terribly sorry. Look, l didn't mean... Wednesday, l'm not good enough for you. She's a chief's daughter. l mean, you know that. Hum-diddle-diddle Hum-diddle-ay lf you daughter of Tanamashu, go get him! Okay. l do. Chopper! Help! Help! Hey! Help! Help! Hey! Hey! Help! Help! Come on! You dumb... Can't you read? Help! Come on! Come on! Come on! The natives are after me! There's a guy there putting out a distress signal. Take it easy. You know the rules. Don't meddle with the natives. l don't think this guy is a native. And those girls look like they're gonna cream him! - Girls? - Why didn't you say so? Let's check it out. They're coming! Look! They're gonna kill me! You guys, look over there! Help! l'm Navy! Look, l'm Navy! Please hurry. They're coming! - Help! - Okay, l'm hooked up. Hurry! Hurry! Hurry up! - Haul him up! - Take it up! Watch it! l don't know who you are, but l sure do admire your style. - They weren't about to let you go. - Don't l know you? Crusoe. Lt. Crusoe. Yeah. Let's get out of here. Those girls... Wait! We gotta go back. Back? You've gotta be out of your skull. Those people are dangerous. We've got to. There's another guy back there more important than l am. Lower away! Be right back! Floyd! Floyd, where are you? Floyd? Floyd? Get out, you coward. Big hero you turned out to be. We gotta move. That girls' Olympic team is coming. They got spears. Come on. They wanna kill us, boy. Move! You wanna be an ape-skin rug? Come on. Come on! Floyd, get up there! Come on! Get up. Get up, Floyd! Take it up! Take it up! Take it up! Wednesday, you don't understand! Take it up! Wednesday! Wednesday, l don't deserve you! Goodbye, Wednesday. Goodbye, Wednesday. And that's just about the way it was, dear. We had a great reception on the carrier. Of course, it wasn't for me. It was all for Floyd, our nation's first hero of outer space. They'd been searching for him for years. Welcome aboard, lieutenant. Well, Floyd, l'm delighted to see you again. You must have had some experience. l know you're anxious to hear about the story. Later, if you don't mind. Excuse me. Floyd, l've got some people l want you to meet. Then we've got a lot of things to do. The president's on the phone, sir. He wants to talk to him. Captain? Sir? l'd like to give you a full report. lt's really an interesting story. l was flying about 1 6... Hey, mister. That's a pretty good outfit. - Mind if l send a picture to my girl? - Go ahead. Say, what are you? Some kind of a hermit? l'm glad you asked that. This thing started months ago. l was flying along about 1 6,000 feet, l'd say. Excuse me. They're taking the chimp. l want a picture. Oh, no. Go ahead. Anyway, dear, that's just the way it happened. I'll be home soon. All my love, Rob.