Movie Date: April 29, 2011
Once upon a time, there were four unlikely heroes. Red Riding Hood, her granny, the not so Big Bad Wolf, and an over-caffeinated squirrel called Twitchy. Together, they defeated the evil plans of a vey bad little bunny, and came to work for me. My name is Nicky, and I run the Happily Ever After Agency, an organization dedicated to making happy endings for everyone. As we say in the HEA, "It's not just a fairy tale, it's an adventure. " Recently, Red took a leave of absence to train at a secret location with the legendary Sisters of the Hood. This left the team in a bit of disarray, just as we were about to meet a terrible threat, not only to the HEA, but to happy endings everywhere. It started one night when we received an anonymous tip that two children were being held in a gingerbread house by a witch with a wicked appetite. Alpha Leader, witch sighted in window. Which window? - Affirmative. - What? Rescue Team Alpha, stand by for go order. Agent Fuzzy moving into position. Nick Knack, take point. Paddy Whack, cover the rear. Suspect is enchanted and extremely dangerous. - Roger. - Who's Roger? Alpha Leader here, confirmed Mother Goose. Rescue Team standing by. Looks like Red's a no-show. Again. Wolf, we talked about this. Red's on assignment. And I'm supposed to be at the DMV, but I showed up. Look, dog, I know you miss her. We all do. But those poor kids are going to become baked goods any minute now. I need you to concentrate on what's going on here. Yo, Froggy, what's the story on Red Riding Rogue? Wolf, she is training secretly. - What kind of secret training? - Not now. OK, OK. You wanna reassign Red, it's your agency. - Thank you. - So we all agree - that I don't need any secret training. - Wolf! My talent comes naturally. Wolf! Get off the channel! Those kids don't have much time. Don't sweat it, Granny Dynamite. With Red gone, I need to step up. - So I called out the big guns. - What? This is not good! We might have a problem here, sir! Put it on the screen. No! They wouldn't! Alpha Team, we've got something small and fast, scurrying up the side of the house. Roger, Goose, I'll get a gander. On the job. Love my job. Good job. It's not just a job, it's an adventure. Hey, Granny, how you doing? Bye-bye! - What are you two up to? - You like recipes, don't you? Try this. A cup of hot wolf, a pinch of screwy squirrel and a dash of disguise. Rescue pie. My own recipe. - Wolf, no! - Thank me later! That's not a rope. Not rope, not rope. Not rope, not rope. Not rope! Rope! Twitchy, what do you think you're doing up there? The wolf's plan. I'll slip through the chimney. She'll never see me coming. - It's a great job... - What is he saying? Translate that. I have an advantageous position from which to breach our suspect's gingerbread home. Uh-oh. I think the fan is about to be hit with the doody. I'm going in! Right now! I am going in. Negative. Do not proceed. Do not proceed. Now, listen to me, Twitchy... Mammals! Oh, please! We did not mean to trespass into your delicious cookie house! Ja, we were only searching for goodies for this... Silence! Building inspector. You know, it's against housing codes to live in any dessert bigger than a cupcake. I need to see your permits and a list of ingredients. That better not be custard. Don't worry, kids! I'm here to rescue you! Yeah, me, I got the good guys! - They're all hiding outside. - Little squirrel, I am Hansel. Ja, and I am Gretel. You must hurry. The witch will soon return. She'll eat us all for supper! She says chicken tastes like children! Ja! OK, OK, I'm on the case. He's in trouble! Move in! Move in! Come on, you goldbricks! You wanna live forever? - Get the door! - Just get more puffs! I think it's weakening. Agents, take a bite out of crime. Wolf, this entire operation is a shambles. I know, but I can fix it. - She got the kids! - You're alive! Now, we'll never catch up with her. - Sweet ride! - Boys? Sorry, goodies, but this is a dinner flight. Help us! She has flavorful marinades! Oh, no, you didn't! Come on, Twitch. - Buckle up, homies. It's on! - No, wait! Don't just... Get some backup in the air, now! Whoa! Ten and two, Granny! I'm regretting that burrito. Help us! She has put us in little cages! It is dehumanizing! - We are like delicious veal! - You'll never save them! - Tree in the way! - Oh, put on your man pants, Wolfie. - Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray... - Whoo-hoo! Can we go back for my stomach? It's pink, shaped like a football. - Has my lunch in it. - Oh, knuckle up, dog. Mother Goose to base. Mother Goose to base. We are in pursuit of witch. Stand by. - Better catch me, I'm getting peckish. - That witch is whack. Wolf, you think you can handle a bike like this? Sure, I think I could if I had to. I went through my bad boy phase. Road a bike, greased my hair back, lived over Richie Cunningham's garage, water-skied over a shark tank. Those were some happy days. Great, 'cause she's all yours, dog. Yippie-yi-ki-yay! - Hi, Granny. - Hey, young kids. I've gotcha. No! I've got you! No worries, Twitch. Dog is your co-pilot. # Well, I'm a singing goat by the name of Japeth # I've got singin' talent I've yet to tapeth # Till one day I walked in the path of a motorcycle # Got knocked off a cliff into quite a pickle - I'm uninsured! - # And onto a branch # And a pointy rock # And an angry rock climber Aah! Why?! # And a beaver # And another beaver # You have the right to a fairy godmother. If you do not have a fairy godmother, one will be provided for you. Whoa! You have the right to get some flying lessons. Don't lose them. Now turn right. Your other right! Your other other right! Stay low, stay low! Mammals. There they are, there they are! There they go, you passed them. You passed them! Why did you pass them? Calm down. You got the metabolic rate of a hummingbird. I've got me a foolproof Granny rescue plan. Twitchy, do you think you could handle a bike like this? No, no, bad idea! I can't reach the pedals! Be seeing you, little buddy. Yippie-yi-ki-yay! OK, I can taste my own butt. Saw that coming. Oh, look! Your doggie's trying to save you! Don't worry, Granny, I got ya! - No, Wolf, don't! It's a trap! - I got ya, I got ya. - Oh! OK, I don't got ya. - We need help. Get Red! - She'll know what to do! - Hey, I'm handling this rescue! - Everything's under control! - You can't do it alone! Hey! I'm alive! - You almost saved her. - I got served. This whole thing is my fault. None of this would have happened if... - If Red were here? - Well, she's not here, is she? Nicky Flippers' little superstar is far, far... far away. Far, far, far... far away. Far... far away. - Yeah, yeah, I get it! - Just saying it's quite a ways. Uh... Hi. So you think you can deliver that basket of goodies across my bridge, do you? Uh-huh. Oh, no, no, no! You did not just say that. I did not hear that! There ain't no way my bridge is being crossed by some muffin-delivering, red-hood-wearing, fairy-tale-clich, little girl. Get up outta here! Bring it. I'm about to get you! Oh! Hey! Oh! - No, no, no! - See? I told you! I win again. It's 'cause I'm so evil. Mm! I even taste evil. Ooh! I taste just like chicken. Chicken and evil! I'm gonna do my little evil chicken dance. Huh? Hello! Is the fight over? Did you mean to jump off the bridge? Huh? Bye-bye. Ooh! That's cheating! That is so cheating! You running 'cause you know you can't beat me! Your granny never would've run away like a scared little chicken girl! - What did you just say? - You heard me. I said your granny would be ashamed of you, 'cause you running like a teeny, tiny, helpless, little girl! Oh, muffins. Oh! Ow! - Take that! And that! - Was it something I said? Ooh! That's my corn! Aah! I kinda like that. Enough! Check, please. The test is over. The delivery is incomplete. I win again! I am the greatest! I'm the prettiest ballerina in the whole fruit cup! Yes, Senator, that is my monkey. His name is Rumpelstiltskin, but it's a secret. Don't tell him I told you. I'm coming to the light, Mama. Show me the Seven-Layer Kick. Show me the Spatula! Show me the Flying Rolling Pin! Red, I know you came with much to prove, but your task was to deliver the basket. You heard what he said about my granny! Moss used your desire to please Abigail as just a test. A Sister finds her own path, her true inner power. Besides, honey, we're starting to run low on combat instructors. Oh, come on. Really! I barely touched him. Why, fidlee dee, Mr. Butler. What brings you to Tara? - I like Tootsie Rolls. - He'll be fine. Hm... Sorry, I should take this. - Hello? - Red? It's Nicky. Nicky? What is it? I'm afraid I have some very bad news. It's about your grandmother. Why would anyone want to kidnap my granny? Red, at the end of every Sister's training, she faces the ancient trial by truffle, in which the student attempts to recreate the Sisterhood's most powerful culinary confection. For over a thousand years that recipe has been our secret, its making understood only by the best of us. What has that got to do with Granny? Very few Sisters complete the truffle, one of them was your grandmother, Abigail Puckett. The power of this goodie is so great, it must be ever kept from those who would misuse it. Like those wannabes at the Food Network. Holla! Rachael Ray's the devil. This is where you keep all the recipes? No, just the one. The Norwegian Black Forest Feather Cake Truffle Divine! But around the kitchen, honey, we just call it the Super Truffle! Cool! What makes it so super? Anyone who eats it becomes unstoppable, in strength and thought and speed. - Sounds good. - Too good! So... how did you make the recipe invisible? Oh, muffins. Battle stations! Man your posts! Sound the alarm! Secure the gates! Somebody get me my rolling pin! We must hurry. Whoever stole the recipe will be trying to complete the truffle. We must find and stop them before they do. Before they find the secret ingredient. - Secret ingredient? What is it? - Well, it's... Oh, no, you don't. The final ingredient is never written down. - Or even spoken. - Then how does anyone know it? When you're a true Sister of the Hood, you just know. That must be why they kidnapped Abigail. I've gotta find her. Red, the task of saving your granny is yours alone. But, child, I fear it may be more danger than you are ready for. It doesn't matter. She's my granny, I've gotta save her. You have learned much. The Sisterhood is in your blood. Once a Sister, always a Sister. Right? Red is still finding her true path. - She is not ready. - Yeah, I know. For a complete nut muffin, that witch sure ties a good knot. Did somebody say "nut muffin"? Sounds delicious. My dinner was interrupted, and I could use a little snack. - Comfypoo, Abigail? - Have we met before? Was it the '60s? The '60s are kind of a blur. What?! Why, no! You'd remember meeting someone as evil as me! Why, look at these glowing red eyes and big scary mask! Your goodie friends won't find you here, Abigail. So you might as well relax and stay for dinner. - You want me to make you dinner? - Oh, how nice of you to offer. Let me see. What am I in the mood for? Day-old sushi? Dutch balls? Turducken? I'm more in the mood for a chocolate truffle! A truffle? Sorry, never learned to make that. Never? Never studied with the Sisterhood of Kung Fu Bakers? Never learned the secret ingredient to an ancient recipe so powerful it makes one invincible? Darn! I really had a taste for that. How do you know about that? That recipe is forbidden. Forbidden, is it? Oh. Well, that's too bad. Well, then it's a good thing I have it written down. See? Do you want it? Do you? Take it. Oh. Oh, you can't. You're tied to a chair. Oh, too bad! Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's right, Abigail. I have everything but the secret ingredient, - and you're going to give it to me. - What? You think I'm just gonna bake one up for you? Not gonna happen. You won't? All right. I guess I'll just have to cook up something else. Ooh. Sorry. I love that show. - She's getting us ready for the baking! - I'm too young to be a strudel! So, Abigail, what's for dinner? I'll need a titanium mixing bowl. ...search for Granny Puckett, highest priority. What is the status of Mother Hubbard's cupboard? Someone update Granny's Facebook profile to "witchnapped. " Butcher and baker cleared. We're questioning the candlestick maker. I'm not saying they shouldn't work here, I'm just saying they're delicious. Ooh! Wolf, thanks for taking such good care of my granny. Yeah, my finest hour. I'm shopping the movie rights. But maybe if you'd been around to look after the old girl yourself, - I wouldn't have had to. - If I... I was training. - While you've been playing kung fu... - You know that thing you do... Awkward. Red, it's good to see you. There's been a rash of robberies. The stolen items are from that list of Super Truffle ingredients you sent us. - So the witch has been shopping? - We think so. A surveillance camera caught the latest incident. Blue, pull up the Muffet footage. Whoa! Did you see the size of that mushroom? We're gonna need to hit the streets, find out who's hiring the muscle. Indeed. We think many of the suspects are associates of a shady operator known as The Giant. He's a reputed smuggler, a juggler, a robber, a cobbler, a picker, a grinner, a restaurateur, and blogs about animated films. - He should get a life. - Indeed. He runs the Beanstalk Club in Big City. I want the two of you to check it out. - What? Are you kidding? - Me and her? Whoa! Hop back here a second, Flippers. You mean the both of us? Granny never needed a partner, and I don't either. I guess she's right about that, maybe. Red, you're not going anywhere without backup. And you, you need to shuffle your wild-card antics to the bottom of the deck. No more stunts, no more cheap disguises. You two are partners. Get used to it. All right, road trip! Hey, I'm driving here! Big City is home to great shopping, dining, and two professional sports teams: the Golden Geese of the National Enchantment League and what was formerly the Denver Nuggets. - What are you doing? - Reading about the big burg, - in case we get a chance to sightsee. - We're not here to sightsee. - We're here to find Granny. - Fine. But you're missing out on a chance to visit the Old Mother Hubbard Museum. Largest collection of empty cupboards in the world, which is weird. OK, let's get something straight. We're doing this operation by the book. exactly the way Granny would, plain and simple. - I just had a book. - Wrong book. - Hey, it was a good book. - All right, look... Looky, looky, over here! Hey, it's Kirk. He's really hit the big time. We should catch the show. No. We are going to stay focused and follow procedure. - They won't expect that. - Look, you two, we are definitely not here to hang around in loud, sleazy nightclubs, listening to cheesy lounge singers. # Hey, Ali Baba and a carpet ride # I'm Jack and the magic beans # I'm like Hansel and Gretel in a candy house when you blow a kiss at me # Every day's a mystery and my wildest dreams come true # Living in this fairy tale with you # Great place. Love the fixtures. - So, what's the plan, Hoodie? - We talk to Jimmy 10-Strings. He's one of Granny's regular informants. If The Giant's behind the stolen ingredients, that harp will sing in more ways than one. - We need to... - Ply him with my lupine charisma? - Gotcha. I'm on it. - Hold on! I'll do the talking. Granny told me how to handle guys like this. The trick is not... Huh? - Wolf? - Go, Wolfie! Go, Wolfie! Aah, stop that! Will you two focus? OK, OK! Just trying to blend in with the crowd. - Just stay here. - This will end well. I'll be at the bar. Merci beaucoup, and my personal favorite, danke schn. - Hey, Jimmy 10-Strings. - Sweetheart, I do autographs - after the show, OK? - I work with Granny, - and I need you to do me a favor. - For Granny? Anything! I hear your boss has his goons stealing turffle ingredients. What do you know? What?! Well, I never. I mean, who told you... OK, listen up. A couple of days ago, I overheard The Giant talking about a big order for someone called... Uh-oh. - I didn't tell her a thing. - Get your hooves off me. Tell the boss I told her nothing. I should sing something nice at her funeral. - Tell 10-Strings - Up there. to limit his singing to exclusively musical vocalizations, or I shall be forced to tune his strings - until they snap. Capisce? - Got it, boss. You, with the red hanky on her head. Are you trying to play my harp? You could end up singing with the angels, playing my harp. - Tell me about the witch. - What witch? Which witch? - Huh. Good one, boss. - Did you just laugh at me? Do I amuse you? - Am I some sort of clown to you? - No, I... I hate my job. - Who are you? - I'm your worst nightmare. A Sister with a badge. And I'm onto you. Excuse me. Did I just hear your tiny, little voice correctly? Did you just come into my house, hassle my harp, interrupt my dinner and tell me my hands are dirty?! I eat sandwiches bigger than you, little girl! Did someone say sandwiches? 'Cause I'll take one. And I'll bet you'll take five. Hundred, that is! 'Cause you're a big boy. I said big boy, son. Who the Mother Goose is this supposed to be? Phineas Newcastle McGee, wealthy business tycoon. Didn't we meet at the big convention? MobCon, the mobsters' convention. Wasn't that you? the big conman convention. Funniest thing. I show up, nobody there! Empty building! Guess I should've seen that coming. We are gonna die. I love this guy! This guy is hilarious! You two, have some dinner with me. Come here. Hey, 10-Strings, you know what I wanna hear. You bet, big guy. Two, three, six. # Shorty, Shorty You best stay in the crib tonight - # Shorty, Shorty - # Yeah # When the big man be hatin' Don't be hesitatin' - # Shorty best be out of sight - We don't have time for this. - Don't worry, I got the big gun here. - What? - Twitchy? Uh-oh. - Distract The Giant. I'll get the harp. I don't like most little people. Hey, you know what? - I like you. - Little people. Can't trust 'em. Hey, everybody's little to me. Right? - Am I right? - Yeah. - Oh, Stanley. - Please, Blanche. Not while I'm eating. Jill, sweetheart! Go fetch us another pail of water. Sorry! Sorry. Excuse me, coming through. Hey, that was good! There is no proof that I ever ate anybody! # Shorty, get to steppin' Your mama told you right # Don't be coming 'round the club tonight # That's you, baby! I'm not a dancer, I'm a singer. Put me back! What's the matter with you? This kind of thing never happened to Dean! - Well, this has been fun. - Really, big, smelly, giant fun. Hey, where you going? Come on, come on! The night's still young, right? Sorry. Love to stay, can't. Gotta go. Early start tomorrow. Yeah, I got my Pilates workout, she's got a paper route. - This is not how you steal a show! - Hey! Those skeevosos are trying to put the bag on my harp! Get after them! You got the wrong guy. Frank Jr. 's down the street. Did anybody notice that the guy I work for is an insane giant? Put down the harp! He's under contract! Now you've done it. He's mad! We're dead. - And I didn't even get my encore. - Time to go! And I still have 38 payments left on myself. - Yee-haw! - What am I paying you pasty mooks for? Get after them! - Hey, do you get paid? - Not really. No. - Start singing, 10-Strings. - Is this your first time doing this? 'Cause Granny just slips me 20 bucks. I'll show those pipsqueaks who's the big man around here! Putting fingers on my property! Like that Jack guy. I'm still picking pieces of him out of my teeth! I'll grind up their bones to make my pasta fazool! Tell us who The Giant's getting ingredients for. Yeah, well, you know The Giant is not usually very happy about those who spill his personal beans. Maybe I could tell you something about Goldilocks. That is not her natural hair color. - Really? - I knew it! - Just tell us who ordered the thefts. - OK, OK already. I'll tell ya. Every day The Giant gets a call for a new ingredient from... - ... from the Bunny. - The Bunny? - Not the Bunny! Not the Bunny! - Yes, the Bunny. He calls in the orders, and that's all I know. If you wanna hear me sing anymore, you'll have to catch my show. Fe-fi-fo-fum! I gotcha now! - Jump! - Are you crazy? We're a mile up. - Don't argue! Just jump! - OK. This is not how you treat an entertainer of my caliber. Hey, Twitchy, you didn't bring a parachute by any chance, did ya? Uh... No. Gum? No, thanks. I'm trying to cut down. Gotcha! Oh, muffins. Never trust short people! # I'm visitin' the city, yes I am # Just strolling 'round Big City with no plans # 'Cause things was crazy in the country but here I'm nice and comfy Boys, I seem to have landed on a singing goat. # And now I'm in a dark tunnel # And I think I smell burritos # I can't believe this all leads to Boingo. Never trust a bunny. Never trust a bunny! - I think that went off pretty smooth. - What was that disguise supposed to be? - Fake beards are classic. - You look like a deranged Santa Claus. Santa gave me that beard. Hello, Clarice. - Who's Clarice? - She is. Hi, Clarice! - Enjoy the book, Boingo. - We share a love of literature. So, Red, I see that stray dog is still following you around. Don't let him mess with your head. Let me guess. You're the brains, and you're... not the brains? Who's up for hasenpfeffer. We know you've been working with The Giant. Oh, really? How? I don't get out much. - Talked to any witches lately? - Which witch? Oh, you mean the witch that took your granny. When she said she wanted to take out old beehive, I said, "Now, there's something we've got in common. " She did mention something about outwitting some incompetent, stupid, meddling, jerkfaced HEA agents! I assumed she was talking about you two. - I wasn't there. - No, of course you weren't. Relax, Fido. You've got Little Red Riding Hood to protect you now. - I do OK on my own. - Is that before or after - I bail you out? - You weren't doing a lot of bailing - when I saved your cape at the bar! - I had everything under control. - Another minute and I would've... - Have been pt! - I don't need your help. - Oh, really? - Watch me. - Ow! No! Not the ears! You didn't even say the magic word. - Abracadabra. - Ow! That's not even... Well, actually, that is the magic word. I don't know where Granny is. The witch sends me notes, and I put the word out. - Tell me where they are. - Ow. Ow. You're still mad about me trying to kill you all those times, aren't you? - Hey, books! - Hey, no, wait! Don't read that! Nobody reads books anymore. Movies are always better. Especially sequels. How does the witch get messages into your books? Why don't you ask her? She was just here. The cleaning lady! Come on, hurry! She can't have gotten far! Oh, she was right under our noses! Aah! I'm blind! No, wait. A little help. See? I said it before. Disguises work. Would you stop it already! If you hadn't distracted me in there, I would have... - Oh, so this is my fault, too? - Yeah, it is. That's great, coming from someone who just took off to play Crouching Baker. I stayed to do the job. It's not like this is easy. I'm doing my best here. Yeah, well, your best got my granny and two innocent kids kidnapped! OK, fine! You're right! It did. This is all my fault. My screw-ups are putting everyone in danger. I'll probably get you nabbed next. Happy? A little help! Rolling now! That's not what I meant. You've made your point, Red. This partnership's a disaster. I better leave before I do any more damage. I've always been a lone wolf. Tell Nicky I quit. Sorry, Red. He's my ride. Do I sound weird? I sound weird to me! I sound weird to me! How is the truffle coming, Abigail? I can't work with such inferior equipment. This mixing machine is ten years old, and the measuring cups are cracked. I need exact measurements! I can't work miracles with this stuff! You should try, Abigail, or those little bratwursts will be on the menu tonight! Your Tibetan cocoa sticks. These did not come easy. The Happily Ever After Agency is everywhere! Only three? I need four. - Four?! - I can't make it without four sticks. I have lost two Sherpas in those mountains already. Do you know how much a Sherpa costs? They've got a union. I've gotta pay for goats. I've gotta pay for the little hats. There's per diem. You want this done right, or don't you? You bring me a decent flour sifter and some real measuring cups, then I might be able to remember the final ingredient. Fine! But you better get cooking, Abigail. Four cocoa sticks. Just take two cocoa sticks and break 'em in half! Oh, don't you worry. I'll get cooking all right. Boo-yah! Still got it. Get the remote. Time for Rachael Ray. Leave me alone. I'm trying to fill the awful emptiness that lives deep inside me with food. Children, I found you. Granny Puckett! - How did you get out? - I've got my ways, little one. Come on, we gotta get you two out of here. The exit is there. We saw the witch go through that way. Show me. But we gotta be quiet. The exit is straight ahead. Don't be suspicious. Continue moving. - What? What is this? - It's a big cage, dum-dum. - Huh? What's she doing here? - You tell us. I thought you said she was locked up tight. - She was! She just needed more... - More tools to do the escaping with? You mean all this time, you two were never...? In danger? No! We're not even kidnapped! - We're the kidnappers! - Ja! You've been hoodwinked! - Too! Ja, Hansel! - Ja, Gretel! We're evil! We're... something else that rhymes with evil! You two are the nastiest children I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. Don't blame us. It is society's fault. We had the displeasure of being the children of a poor woodcutter. We never had any sweets for the snacking. But now we will have the greatest dessert of all time, to make us unstoppable! Well, this chef just turned in her apron. You'll never get the secret ingredient. Don't worry. We have ways of making you bake. Verushka, keep your scary mask on! You want to look spooky or not? - And turn your eyes back on. - Oh. Oh, right. Mm-hm. Mm. Very scary. Now, can you keep her locked up this time? - Yes! - And remember, we are in charge, Verushka. Verushka? Verushka Von Vine? You finally remember me. How nice! Perhaps you also remember this. Is that what this is about? It all started when we were Sisters together in the Sisterhood. You were always so good at everything. I tried so hard to beat you, but you were always better than me. Then came that terrible day of the ancient recipe ritual, when the... Why are you telling me this? I was there. Abigail! This is my big, super-evil-villain moment! - So will you just shut up?! - OK, OK. Now, where was I? Started at the Sisterhood, always number two... Did I get to the part about the truffle? - Yes. - I couldn't make that stinking truffle! But you did! And I knew then that you were the reason I was a big pile of number two! So I stole the great recipe, and I spent the last 60 years searching for the secret ingredient! You really practiced this speech? But then Hansel and Gretel found me. Together we devised a plan to kidnap you and complete the truffle recipe. My attempts to find the secret ingredient were all failures! Sure, I did produce a few other things. A poison apple, a sleeping spell, a way to turn men into frogs. She's completely insane. You should see what she's done to the cat. Oh, that's disturbing on so many levels. You don't have to be like this, Verushka. I'll never play second fiddle to you again, Abigail. I've been number two long enough. Once I finally have the Super Truffle, I will taste the sweet, chocolaty victory of being number one! OK, all I need to do is find this D.C.T. place. How hard could that be? Muffins! I give up. I'll never find it. Hey! Hoodie in the hood! Got a dollar? What? Who? Hey, down here. It's better to give than to receive. So give me a dollar and you'll feel better. - No. I'm just looking for... - Looking? A quest? I love... Ooh. You work out? You are looking for the big golden... No, wait. The magic. You're looking for the magic... OK, I got nothing. What's on your mind? My granny! She's out there somewhere, and I'm totally out of clues. Perhaps she's been turned into stone. What? Turned to... How do you even come up with that? Who says that? - You get what you pay for. - All I've got is this stupid tag. - "D.C.T." You tried Dental Clown Tech? - Yes! I've tried everywhere. Yeah, yeah, it's tough. Wait a second. Wait a second! - Dark Castle Towers! - Dark Castle? My brothers and I used to live there. Then there was this whole thing with the farmer's wife and a clock. - Can you show me? - Sure. Follow me. I thought I told you to stay off my corner. The journey there is long and full of dangers. Oh, no, there it is. My bad. - Nicky, it's Red. - Red! - Good to hear from you. - I need... That is... - Is Wolf there? - No, we haven't heard from him. Why? - What's the trouble? - Dark Castle Towers, that's what. It's an old hotel on South Castle Street. I'm sure Granny and the kids are in there. - But it's really heavily guarded. - And you need help to get them out? No, no! I've totally got it. No problemo. - I just thought... - I'll alert the squad leaders. We'll have a full rescue team there immediately. - Give me as many details as you can. - OK. Oh, no! What are we gonna do? The whole HEA is going to be at our front door, and our back door, and our windows! We're practically crawling with windows! I think some of the windows even have little doors... Stop! Chill out. Ja, ja. Chill a pill and then take one. We have always known that the Happily Ever After Agency would be a threat. - Our forces are already in place. - Lesson four: Eliminate your obstacles. Eliminate? But what do you mean? Send in the pigs! Good work, Red. That's the break we were looking for. - What? - Nicky? Is everything all right? Uh, I'm not sure. Stand by. - Ops, status report. - Sir, we are being attacked! Nicky, what is it? What's going on? Red, we've got trouble. Get all the sheep first! - Take the frog! - Red, save Granny! Stop them from getting the Super Truffle! You're on your own! Nicky, are you OK? Hello?! Nick! Filthy swine! We're sorry, your call cannot be completed as dialed. Up next, carnivores who abandon their partners when they really need them. Cowards or complete dirtbags? Now, that's where I disagree with you, Tony. Wolves are just plain untrustworthy. Isn't that right, Mr. Pig? Coming up next, Shark Week. Because as bad as sharks are, they're still not wolves. - He's dead, Jim. - But how the...? Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a doc... All right. Well, I'd say he was abandoned by an unreliable partner, just when he needed one most. Hey, Twitch. I know this whole mess with Red is probably bugging you. You wanna talk about it? Um... Hello? Wolf! Hey! Good to see you! Wait a minute. OK, guys. See you later. Thanks for stopping by. Come on in! Nice place you got here. Smaller. That's good, saves you money so you can get a good stereo. I'd buy one, you know, but my trailer's bigger. [# Dan Myers: "Little Squirrel You know, Twitchy, I... Oh, boy. I've been thinking. Could you turn the music down for a second? I been thinking about Granny and Red. And I was wondering, did I do the right thing? Wolf, I have been waiting for you to say that! You gotta get back in the game! The HEA needs you! You got mad skills! Red needs you! Nah, she doesn't need me. Doesn't need you? Doesn't need you?! Red is out there looking for her granny all alone, and she needs your help, even if she won't admit it. You are dropping some hard science on me. Word. Hey, Wolf! It's the Three Little Pigs, man. - Remember us? - Yeah! We're here to huff and puff and blow your house up! Sooie! - He went up in smoke. - Look at the colors. Too bad for the big barbecued wolf his life didn't have more meaning. What do you mean by that, pork pie? It did have meaning. - Who... - ... said... - ... that? - Wait, is it a bad sign - I used the past tense? - Help me! - We blew up the wrong house again. - His every breath mocks us. That's not good. A little faster, Twitchy. Huh? - Hey, is it busted? - No, no, no! It can't be broken! - We just used it. - This is why everybody hires - the Three Bears. - No, wait, wait! This is it. - See? - Hey, wait! Where'd they go? Look, they're trying to get away. Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin! Oh, muffins. Double muffins. - How did you make them so mad? - It's a long story. I'll tell you later. - One wolf en fuego, coming up. - Look out! This little wolfie went to pieces! - You missed again. - Will you stop swerving? It's ruining my aim! Can't help it. I can't see the road, man. That loco lobo is liquidated. They're gaining on us. Whoa! Say hello to my little friend. Hasta la vista, Wolfie. # Oh, I was traumatized in the city Yes, I was # So I ran far from the city Just because # So I'll be safe and unaffected While I work on convalescing # 'Cause nothing unexpectedly, emotionally crippling # Or intensely physically painful can happen to me here # I say nothing... # - Whoa! - Sooie! Oh, no! No good! Aah! Hey. Do you guys hear something? Great news! My doctor says I'm gonna live! - Uh... Freeze. - Power to los puercos. Oh, yeah. Muffins. Oh, no! Red? Nicky? Is anyone here? Boys, thank goodness you're all right. - Mr. Flippers! You OK? - I've been better. - But I'm still hopping. - Wow, Nick, what happened? They hit this place with everything they had. We never had a chance. - What happened to you boys? - It's was pigs, Mr. Flippers! It was pigs with knives and guns and rockets... Running and running! The special effects were spectacular! I've never really gotten along with pigs, bit we survived, by our wits. Sooie! Don't mess with the killer P's! That handsome wolf sure had it coming. Let's say we go strap on the feedbag, boys. - I'm gonna tweet this. - What's a tweet, man? Disguises. They not only work, they save lives. But this... One witch couldn't have done all this. No, she's not working alone. Every agent we have has been roughed up, kidnapped, scared off or mailed to an uncharted island. I'm afraid the agency is all but defeated. What about Red? Is she OK? No one's heard from her. I hate to assume the worst, but... I never thought I'd say this, Wolf. I think a wild card is the only thing that can save us now. You guys didn't really catch me. I just slipped. - Oh, yeah? Well, it still counts, man. - You bet it does! Come on, guys, let's take her up to the ber jefes and we'll get rewards and promotions and health care and maybe even cookies. Beards for sale. Fake beards. Hey, Porky, how about a demo? Hey, hey, hey! We don't like trespassers around here, fuzzy. But this is a very nice fake beard. Hey, guys! You oughta see this! Surprise, pork belly! Run for your life, it's a chupacabra! Ow! Hey! Ooh. Big, tough HEA agent. OK, McGruff. I got your happy ending right here! You swine. Squeal like a pig! Squeal like a pig! Jump back! It's hammer time! Who's big and bad now, Wolfie? Actually, I'm more of a lover than a fighter. Ow! Hey, this squirrel thinks I'm nuts, man! - Thanks. - You, too. Ha-ha! Squirrel power! I think we've overstayed our welcome. Yeah. Let's get out of here. Hey, man. You don't even really sell beards, do you? What do you mean you had her, then she got away? Disguises? Big fake beards? Oh, well. That's very understandable. I... I'm not angry, I... I promise I am not angry. What? Yes, you may have a cookie. Little Miss Reddy Two-Shones got away. That wolf is helping her again. How's the truffle coming? - Make the truffle. - No. - Make the truffle! - Uh-uh. - You better! - You didn't say "please. " - Please make the truffle. - Nope. - You were always like that, Abigail. - No, I wasn't. - Yes, you were! - Was not. - Were, too. - Not well. Well, we better do something quick. Red and the Wolf will be here any moment. Ja, maybe that is exactly what we need. I don't know why we are laughing. - You came back. - Well, I just figured, you obviously don't know how to talk your way into anyplace. Obviously. - So Granny's up there somewhere? - Yeah. - It's locked down pretty tight. - So how do we play this? We're gonna need some muscle to get in there. I think I know where to get it. Thank you, thank you. I love you all. That is nice. Now I got to go in now. Bye. Hey, Kirk. Oh, my friends, it's so good to see you! - It has been too long. - No, it's been about right. Did you catch the show tonight? I was on fire! The Yodelers have been so good to me. - Dutch balls? - We need your help. We need your courage, we need your muscle... We need my Yodelers. Huh? Before they delighted the world with song, the Happy Yodelers were highly trained mercenaries. Johann, maps and tactical plans. Helmut, demolitions expert. Heidi, security systems and technology. Klaus handles the receipts. - We got us a rodent problem. - He's not wearing any pants. - Anyone here need an exterminator? - We're professional exterminators. Yep, they're probably in the walls by now. That's a Pantless Norwegian Stink Rat. Norwegian? We've seen all kinds of pests in this business. - You know the worst kind? - No. - Kidnappers! - I can't see, I'm blind! This is just like the '70s. Take that, schweinehund! This little piggy is out, and this little piggy is out. Is anyone else hungry? Ooh! Ow! Broke a nail. Twitchy! Great job, little buddy. Ow! - Dude! - Stink Rat? I can't censor myself when I'm in the moment. - Heidi's hogging all the pigs. - Wolf! Twitchy! - Here we are. - Let's go! - Right behind you. - Ja, you go and save Granny. We will take care of all those dastardly fellows. - Good luck! - Thanks. You, too. Thank goodness and gracious you have come to save us! - Like angels from heaven! - Where's the old lady? In the room at the end of the hallway. The witch is always shouting at her! It is so scary here! If I stay another minute, I may scream! Scream, I tell you! Wait. You two get the kids out of here, I'll find Granny. - You sure? - I'd rather know they're safe. I'll be fine. We'll rendezvous downstairs. - Come on, kids. Let's roll. - Oh, thank you, Mr. Wolf! I count my lucky stars for you! I hope you kids learned a valuable lesson. Never run away from home, never eat a cookie house. - Never talk to strangers. - That's right. Never talk to strangers. People are never what they seem to be. Oh, sure, safety first. Always carry little gas masks, because you never know. What's that smell? Perhaps the children are nervous and need to release a little tension. That's natural. - Man, that is strong. - Wow. That actually smells like gingerbread. You kids feel dizzy? My tongue is getting all puffy and I see rainbows. Is that normal? Granny? The final ingredient is never written down. When you're a true Sister of the Hood, you just know. Luke, trust the Force. What? Oh, sorry about that. Wrong hero quest. Oh. Macadamia nuts. Now we know! - Ja, Hansel. - Ja, Gretel. We're evil, we're evil. Verushka! Be a dear and fetch us a bag of... macadamia nuts. No! Granny, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. The Super Truffle will now be complete! Behold the Norwegian Black Forest Feather Cake Truffle Divine! Granny, I'm sorry. I really messed up. Don't be silly, dear. I'm proud of you. You knew what that recipe needed. Only a true Sister would know that. No, I mean... I shouldn't have tried to do everything myself. Now the HEA is gone, and they've got the truffle, and I didn't even rescue you. I was just so worried about proving I could live up to your example. I'm sorry. I let you down. Why, because things are a little tough right now? Gooseberries, child. I've been in much worse situations than this. You can still turn this around. A person can never really fail unless they give up. You fell for our trickery like a fish falls for water. What have you done with Wolf and Twitchy? Hey, Twitchy, look over there. - Help me get over there. - Yeah! OK! Must... gently... hit... buttons! - Almost got it. Come on, little buddy. - No, no, no! Muffins. We can't let them leave with those. I'm sorry, but we have orders to fill for every villain in the world. Ja, the brochure went out weeks ago. The truffle's power is, sadly, temporary. So they will just want more and more. - And we will become the filthy rich! - The filthy rich! - Not if we stop you first. - Well, of course not. That is obvious. If you were to stop us... Wait a minute. You wish! - One for the road, Brother? - What a delicious idea. No! You can't handle the power! Uh-oh. I feel the power! All powerful! I have the strength of a thousand small boys! You'll have to be excusing. We have a world to dominate. - Ja, no time for the dilly-dally. - This isn't over. Giant superpowered German kids. Did not see that coming. - The truffle! It's finally mine! - Ja, I don't think so. Hey! I'm your partner. We planned this whole thing together. Oh, did we? The way I remember it, Brother, it was you, me and a napkin. Legal documentation? Yes. I don't remember signing anything. Do you, Brother? - No, no, no. I don't. - It's not legal. - We did not sign anything. - Oh, look at the face. You have outlived your usefulness, old woman. But do not worry. We will leave a pet for you to do the playing with. - What pet? - You can't do this to me! Talk to the spider, 'cause the kid ain't listening. No! Wait! Come back! Spider? Did he say spider? Now would be a good time to untie us, Verushka. I got my own problems, Abigail. Help! Let me out of here! Help! Red, get behind me. # Schnitzel! # Huh? Is that... yodeling? It sure is. - It's yodel time! - Kirk! Nice entrance. Go, Yodelers! I will get Red and Granny. You want a piece of me?! - That's what I'm talking about! - Hold still! I'll have you free in a moment! - Wow! You've gotten better. - Why, thank you. - Come on. We've got work to do. - Right behind you. Heidi rides a spider like a Valkyrie! What were you thinking?! Eight legs is so last year! - Hurry! Everyone, grab a leg! - Good idea, honey! Go, go, Yodelers! Whoo! - Hold her! - Someone get a really big shoe! It's working! That's it. I'm getting out of here. She's getting tired! Hurry, comrades! We have a 10:00 late show! Just a little more. Gotcha! - Thanks, Kirk. - Any time, Red. Nice work there, youngsters. Love the outfits. Yodelers, to the Yodelmobile! Them's some jiggy yodelers. I've gotcha! I didn't deserve to be saved. Especially not by you. I want you to know you were never number two to me. Those kids could level the whole city. With the power of the Super Truffle, no one will be able to stop them. This is all my fault. If I'd been more like you, they wouldn't have gotten away. You don't need to be like anyone, Red. You're the real deal. A true Sister of the Hood. - You really think so? - I know it. You already have all the power you need. Go get 'em, honey. Go, Red. Go! Come on, come on! Verushka? You can always come back. No. It's too late for me. Once a Sister, always a Sister. What did we miss? I've gotta get me one of these. Yes, it suits you. Let's swing by the hat store and pick out something pointy. Ooh! Look at the tiny, little people living their tiny lives. They have done nothing to deserve our hatred. Makes our violence that much more senseless. I know! I love that about us! - Holy cheese! - Oh, look, Sister. - I almost hit a school bus. - Double points. Uh-oh. Ooh! I regret nothing! You cannot do the beating of us. We are truffle-powered! Yeah, well, I've got a few surprises of my own. Aah! Is this the end of Hansel? You are really starting to tick me off. I'm not done yet. I am indestructible! Oh, schnitzel. OK. Not my best landing. Yoo-hoo! Annoying little red person, look in the sky. You've got to be kidding me. - That was really fun. - Ja, real fun! - Knock, knock. - Who's there? What is tiny, red and smashed all over? What is tiny, red and smashed all over who? - I'll tell you in five seconds. - You won't get away with this. Oh, really? And just who's going to stop us? Anyone see an aircraft carrier around here? - Wolf, distract them and I'll get Red. - Hey there, tubby. Those shorts make your ankles look fat. - They do not. I've very shapely ankles. - Ja! - Grab her! - All aboard! - Thanks! - Hey, never leave your wingman. Come back here! Sorry! My bad! - We're clear. You can stop swerving. - I'm trying. This thing isn't easy to steer, you know. I'm sticking to motorcycles. That was sweet! Let's do it again! Maybe later. Come on! - Uh-oh. - Olly, olly, oxen free! - One for the truffle. - Two because we are so very evil. Three because I also agree we are evil. - Four to go! - To go! Oh, man. I thought we were goners for sure. Wolf, calm down. We're gonna be OK. We just need to walk towards each other. But we've gotta time it very carefully. - Wolf, throw me your beard! - This is no time for a disguise! Just do it. Now. Wolf, have I ever told you how much I love your disguises? Ha. Sorry, my bad. Listen, I wanna take a moment to apologize for not being there when you needed me. No, no, no! It's OK, Wolf! It's OK! No, no, no. Let me do this. Granny, thanks to my sloppy work, you got kidnapped. I'm sorry. OK. I forgive you. Twitchy, I've been using your toothpaste. I haven't bought a tube of toothpaste in probably four years. Toothpaste?! After all we've been through?! You have to tell her how you feel right now! She needs to hear it! Not now, Twitchy! Hang on. Red, I walked away because I thought you didn't want me around. I'm sorry. Wolf, I never could have done any of this without you. I should have listened to you more, Red, - instead of doing things my way. - I kind of like your way. Sometimes, the right disguise can get you out of a tough jam. So can the right partner. Now, that's a good recipe. - Gum? - Why not? - I thought you said we'd be OK! - I exaggerated! My life just flashed before my eyes. It's weird, flashback really does add ten pounds. What stopped us? Verushka. Turns out Bitsy here wasn't so bad after all. Just needed a friend. Once a Sister, always a Sister. Those kids are destroying the city. We have to stop them before they eat any more of those truffles. Wait a minute. More truffles. That's a great idea. # Oh, I'm moving off to China Hip, hooray # Yes, I'm heading down to Asia where I'll stay # 'Cause life here is a burden with the crushin' and the hurtin' # So I'm going to the airport where... I... # I'm alive? I'm alive! Yee-haw! # Oh, I used to think my life was rotten Now hard times they fall, forgotten # Look at me, can't you see This lucky goat's okeydoke! # I have really taken to this giant monster thing. Ja, we are naturals. Do you think they compete in giant monstering? Stop right there. Drop those truffles and surrender. Oh, my tummy! Oh, my tummy! You cannot dominate us. A sweet confection has made us unstoppable! - Run for your lives! - Hold your ground. We can't let them get by us. Next stop, smashy town. Stop right there. - Red! - Get back, Nick. We'll handle this. - We? - Ja, Hansel. I only see one little girl. All alone. She's never alone. - Thank goodness! - Last chance, kids. Drop the truffles and surrender. Surrender? We don't do the surrender. We are unstoppable! Bring it. - We're kicking it old-school! - Alley-oop, Abigail! Yippie-yi-ki-yay! - Hey! Stop that! - You are making us angry! Hey, tubby! Over here! OK, Twitchy, let them have it. - Stop with the shoving! - Alley-oop! - Red, coming at you! - I got it, Granny! - Go, Red! Go! - You cannot be defeating us! Go ahead, run away like a little girl! What did you call me? No, Red! Keep going! - Hm. - Ja, you just keep the running away. Like a scared little girl. Red? Are you OK, honey? Granny... I'm sorry. We did the tricking of you, you silly little girl. That's just really great! Now they can get away. Or worse, they could figure out that if they eat more truffles, they would become completely unstoppable. - Really? - Wolf! Did I say that out loud? What have you done? We'll never stop them now. - Don't worry, Nicky. - All part of the plan. - Plan? What plan? - Relax, we got this covered. Watch and learn. We are all powerful! Wait for it. Brother, what is happening? See, kids, you shouldn't overdo sweets. Those Super Truffles are also super high in fat and calories. I'm stuck. Oh, schnitzel. - My word. - See, Nicky, one truffle makes you super, but a whole batch, and you're as helpless as a beach ball. Those two won't give us any more trouble. Does this street make my butt look fat? You know, a lesser wolf would say they finally got their just desserts. - But not you. - No, not me. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to a treadmill. If you do not have a treadmill, one will be provided for you. - You have the right to broccoli. - Not broccoli! Nice work, agents. With a little rehabilitation and a lot of exercise, we may still be able to show those kids the way home. Granny, I'll need you to get me in touch with the Sisters of the Hood. We've got agents to round up and an agency to rebuild. - I think we could use their help. - The Sisters are always ready. Aren't we, Verushka? Especially with everything back where it should be. Calling all agents. A 714 in progress. Reports of 10,000 mice chasing a suspect. See the man with the flute. What the heck? It's on the way. - Ooh! I'm driving! - Says who? - Go get 'em, agents. - That's my girl. Hey, on the way, we should stop for some disguises. Yeah, I know just the place. So you sticking around a while or going back to finish your training? - Nah, I'm good here. - Another happy ending. - Let's roll, partner. - Anything you say, partner. [# Lavay Cole, Andrea Remanda: "You Know It" You know, Twitchy, I... Could you turn the music down for a second? Uh... No. [# Hayden Panettiere: "Inseparable" - Ja, Hansel. - Ja, Gretel. We're evil, we're... something else that rhymes with evil. [# Dan Myers: "Little Squirrel That was sweet! Let's do it again! Maybe later. "Perfect Two"] Hey, girls. Let's call it a night.