Date: January 1, 1986
aired on CBS
CHARLIE: Oh, boy. Only one more minute until Christmas vacation starts... ...and the teacher hasn't given us any assignments over the holidays. [WOMAN MUMBLING] Oh, no. I can't believe it. I've just had my whole vacation ruined, Linus. We're supposed to read War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy... ...and then write a book report about it. What a way to ruin a vacation. How are you doing with War and Peace, Charlie Brown? I just finished reading the dust jacket. Many is the book report that has been written... ...by just reading the dust jacket. But it's such a long book, Linus. Look, it's 1136 pages long. I bet it weighs more than I do. When Leo Tolstoy was writing War and Peace... ...his wife, Sonya, copied it for him seven times. And she did it by candleIight and with a dip pen. And sometimes she had to use a magnifying glass... ...to make out what he had written. Linus, I really... She had to do it after their child had been put to bed... ...and the servants had gone to their garrets... ...and it was quiet in the house. Just think, Charlie Brown... ...she wrote the book seven times with a dip pen. And you're telling me you can't even read it once? [PHONE RINGING] Hello? Hi, Chuck. This is Peppermint Patty. Oh, hi. Great news, Chuck. Marcie and I are gonna throw a New Year's party. You know, ring out the old and bring in the new? Well, I don't think I can... It's gonna be great, Chuck. Games and dancing and everything. But I don't dance. And besides, I have to read War and Peace. This is your chance to ask the girI of your choice, Chuck. And I guess we know who that will be, huh, Chuck, you sly dog? But you don't understand. Like I said, I can't do anything over vacation because... I know you're a little nervous, Chuck... ...being it's your first reaI date. Call me later, Chuck. Boy, we were just with Marcie. There's gonna be a great New Year's party. It's boy-ask-girI. And I just know my Sweet Baboo will ask me. I am not your Sweet Baboo! And I wouldn't invite you to a chicken race. Isn't he the cutest thing? And I expect a certain piano player to ask me. But I've got this book report to do. I'm enrolling us in a dance class. A New Year's party is not a party without lots of dancing. I'll never be able to read that book, Linus. What are you going to do, Charlie Brown? Pardon me, but do you have a comic book called War and Peace? [MAN MUMBLES] No? Do you have a record of War and Peace? [MAN MUMBLES] No? How about a tape or a cassette? [MAN MUMBLES] No? Well, thanks, anyway. How about a computer game about War and Peace? [MAN MUMBLES] No? Hmm. You didn't ask about filmstrips, Charlie Brown. No, they don't have it on filmstrips either. [SIGHS] CHARLIE: "Well, prince, Genoa and Lucca are now no more... ...than private estates of the Bonaparte family. No, I warn you that if you do not tell me we are at war... ...if you again allow yourself to palliate all the infamies and atrocities... " Well, here I am reading War and Peace... ...and everybody else is at dance class having fun. Maybe I should go over to the class and just look in. See what they're all doing. [JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING] Come on, Chuck. We're learning to foxtrot. But I have to read my book. WOMAN [SINGING ON RECORD]: Slow, slow, quick, quick Move across the floor Slow, slow, quick, quick I'm only on Page 5 of my book. WOMAN: Shoulders back, stomach in Take a deep breath Now let's begin Again Slow, slow, quick, quick It's really lots of fun Just follow the footprints on the floor And you'll move as one Slow, slow, quick, quick Just think of Fred Astaire Once you get the feeling You'll be flying through the air Now just relax Glide along Keep the rhythm of the song Slow, slow, quick, quick Slow, slow, quick, quick Slow, slow, quick, quick Slow, slow, quick, quick Slow, slow, quick, quick Slow, slow Good grief. CHARLIE: "He spoke in that elaborately choice French... ...in which our forefathers not only spoke but thought. And with those slow patronizing intonations... ...peculiar to a man of importance who has grown old in court society... ...he went up to Anna Pavlovna, kissed her hand, presenting her with a... " I wonder when my Sweet Baboo is going to ask me to the party. I am not your Sweet Baboo! And I wouldn't invite you to a garage sale. Isn't he the cutest thing? Rerun, you must be doing something wrong. Balloons are supposed to be round, not square. You must be blowing air into the wrong places. Here, try it again. You blow up a balloon this way. Okay, now let's see you do it. Try blowing slower. Now you're getting it. Here, I've got another type of balloon. Watch. Now you try it. [SIGHS] [PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC] Well, are you taking me to the party or not? Musicians don't dance. Anyway, I'll be playing the piano at the party. I don't mind the rejection. It's the smile that bugs me. If you don't ask me to the party, I'll just go with someone else. Good. Go with someone else. CHARLIE: "Anna Pavlovna's drawing room gradually began to fill. The people of the highest distinction in Petersburg were there... ...people very different in ages and characters. " [PHONE RINGING] Hello? Hi, Chuck. This is Peppermint Patty. You thought any more about who you're inviting to the party, Chuck? No, I haven't thought about that. I'm reading War and Peace. Uh-huh. I knew it would be me. Well, as a matter of fact, I'm only on Page 5 of my book. Come on, Chuck. Remember, you have to invite somebody. Well, I suppose you're right. I wonder if that little red-haired girI would go with me. What? Do you think she would? So long forever, Chuck. I've written an invitation to the little red-haired girI. I was afraid to call her. It's too late to maiI it, so I thought I'd take it to her house. But I'm worried. Why? All you have to do is slip the letter into the maiI slot... ...in the front door of the house. But what if my hand gets caught in the maiI slot? That's ridiculous, Charlie Brown. Well, then, what if my hand gets caught in the maiI slot... ...and while I'm hanging there, someone opens the door? Charlie Brown, you worry about the most impossible things. [GRUNTING] [GRUNTS] Hello? Hello? Heather, are you home? I've come to invite you to a New Year's party. I mean... I mean, if you don't have anything else to do. Would you...? Would you like to come? I could either pick you up or... Or meet you there... ...if I ever get my hand out of this mailbox. I can't stand it. I just can't stand it. CHARLIE: Tomorrow night's the party. The little red-haired girl never answered my letter. What a way to start a new year. Tomorrow night, millions of people will be going to parties and dressing up. Some are even ready a day ahead of time. [JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING] It's too bad Charles couldn't come to the party, sir. I couldn't care less, Marcie. It's too bad he had to write that report. Okay, everybody, it's time to play musicaI chairs. Hi. Can I come in? I thought you had to study. Well, I thought I could read some of it here. Come on, Chuck, admit it, you sly dog. You wanted to start the new year with me. Well... ...I was kind of hoping the little red-haired girI would show up. Chuck, you drive me crazy. Come on, sir. Everybody is ready for musicaI chairs. Okay, okay. Let's get started. Can I play? Oh, I guess so, Chuck. Come on. [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] PATTY [SINGING]: Hey, it's time for musical chairs Come on, let's go Set up the chairs now All in a row You run around the chairs Till the music stops And you have to find a seat Now, don't get caught 'Cause when the music stops You can't be standing there If you wanna be a winner at musical chairs Now we take away a chair While you're runnin' around Don't let the kid in front of you Get you down Just listen to the rhythm Now don't miss a beat 'Cause you don't wanna be the only one Without a seat 'Cause when the music stops You can't be standing there If you wanna be a winner at musical chairs Now every time the music stops You're gonna end up one chair short And if you're boogalooing When the music's gone Sorry, you gotta move on Now it's the moment of truth It's getting down the wire You're burning up inside With musical fire You hover around each corner Of the precious seat Waitin' for the moment You can get off your feet 'Cause when the music stops You can't be standing there If you wanna be a winner You've got to be a winner If you wanna be a winner At musical chairs Yeah. Come on, Charlie Brown. It's almost midnight. I'll pour you a root beer. Thank you, Lucy. I've decided next year, I'm going to be a changed person. Oh, be serious, Charlie Brown. No, I mean it. I'm going to be strong and firm. Forget it, Charlie Brown. You'll always be wishy-washy. Why can't I change just a little bit? I've got it. I'll be wishy one day and washy the next. Charlie Brown, I have news for you. You will never... You sniffed in my root beer. Your stupid beagle sniffed in my root beer. Look at that. I'll bet it's full of dog germs. Where are my binoculars? Ah-ha. I thought so. You see? It's filled with dog germs. There's one thing you should never do: Never sniff at someone's root beer. [CHATTERING] Hey, Chuck, wait for me. Hey, Chuck, that was a sly move on your part. You know, to get us out here alone on New Year's Eve. Huh? Yep, we might end up ushering in the new year together. - I bet you'd like that, eh, Chuck? - Hmm. It's been a great year, Chuck. You'll have to admit that. What do you think, Chuck, would be good rules for living in the new year? Keep the ball low. Don't leave your crayons in the sun. Use dentaI floss every day. Don't spill the shoe polish. Always knock before entering. Don't let the ants get in the sugar. Never volunteer to be a program chairman. Always get your first serve in. And feed your dog whenever he's hungry. Will those rules give me a better life, Chuck? A better life and a fat dog. Have you made any New Year's resolutions, Chuck? Yes. You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time, I'm only going to dread one day at a time. [KIDS CHATTERING] Hey, come on. It's almost midnight. MARCIE: Grab your partners, everybody. You're weird, Chuck. CHARLIE: "But alike in the set in which they moved... ...the daughter of Prince Vassily, the beauty Ellen... ...came to fetch her father and go with him to the ambassador's fete. She was wearing a balldress with an imperial badge on it. The young Princess Bolkonsky was there... ...celebrated as the most seductive woman in Petersburg. She had been married the previous winter... ...and was not now going out into the great world... ...on account of her interesting condition... ...but was still to be seen at small parties. Prince Ippolit, the son of Prince Vassily, came too with Mortemart... ...whom he introduced. " [CHATTERING] [KNOCKING ON DOOR] Oh, hi. You are Heather, aren't you? Please come in. Charlie Brown told me he had invited you to the party. I don't know where Charlie Brown is right now. But would you like to dance? Chuck, where are you? It's just a few seconds before midnight. Chuck, Chuck. [CLOCK CHIMES] [CHEERING] [ALL SINGING "AULD LANG SYNE"] Chuck, how could you do this to me? When midnight came along, I was the only one standing all alone. I, uh... I... Big brother, my Sweet Baboo didn't dance with me at midnight. And do you know why? Well, uh, I, uh... Because he danced with your friend, the little red-haired girI. He did what? Gee, Charlie Brown, I didn't know where you went. But, wow, your friend is sure a good dancer. You mean she was here? The little red-haired girI was here and I missed her? Happy New Year, Charles. [CHIRPING] [BARKS] Hurry up, Charlie Brown. We'll be late for schooI. [YAWNS] Did you finish War and Peace, Charlie Brown? I finished at 3:00 this morning. How did you like it, Charlie Brown? I don't remember a thing. - Did you turn in your report? - Yes. What did the teacher say about it? What grade did you get? A D-minus. The lowest grade without failing. Gee, I'm sorry, Charlie Brown. The teacher said it looked like the sort of report... ...that was written after midnight on the last day of Christmas vacation. What did you say? What could I say? I congratulated her on her remarkable insight. Did you see what our next assignment is? No. What is it? To read Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky. Happy New Year, Charlie Brown.